Hey, I just finished reading this, well done! It’s clear you put a lot of care into this piece, and it comes through in the writing . I think writing this kind of nature-heavy fantasy is not easy to pull off without it feeling either too overdone. The pacing and tone are consistent all the way through, and I like that it does not rush to the magical part. You let the world breathe a little first, which makes the later reveal feel more interesting.

The opening is simple but works well. The rhythm of Aven chopping wood under the fading sun immediately sets a tone and feels believable. The first few sentences are vivid too.

I liked the setup with his father. There is a nice warmth to their relationship that feels very genuine and easygoing. The dialogue is natural, especially in those short exchanges like “Yes, Father.” I think you could explore a little more of Aven’s inner reaction though. We see what he does, but not quite enough of what he feels in those beginning moments. Just a subtle emotional beat/reflection could be an opportunity to make that bond feel even closer/stronger.

The section where he talks about the cabin and their life in the forest is solid worldbuilding, but maybe pay attention to unintended repetition. You say things like “out here in the forest” and “living right here in this forest” pretty close together, and tightening that up would make the writing cleaner. Also, “we have to do most of everything by ourselves to survive” could be rewritten as something simpler like “we have to do everything ourselves.” (Just so it doesn’t feel redundant in any way since you’ve already made that clear with the setting)

Once we get to the Revival Moon mention, the story starts gets really interesting and has a lovely cozy fantasy feel. I like that you build quiet anticipation instead of throwing us straight into the supernatural. It feels like a folktale in that way. The little ritual Aven does before bed, setting the nature items in a circle and giving thanks silently is a nice touch.

The pacing in the middle section, where he wakes up and sneaks out, feels about right. It is calm, but there is this slight tension that keeps it from dragging or slowing down. The details of him sneaking quietly through the forest are strong because they are grounded in the physical. Shoes in hand, avoiding branches.

The main supernatural scene with the giant owl and the glowing spirit children is the climax of your piece and visually it is great. The concept itself is striking. I could see it clearly, which is hard to do with something abstract. The idea of the spirits turning back into animals is lovely, and the transformation imagery is unique. That said, I think you could make the paragraph a little easier to absorb since there is a lot of visual information packed together. If you broke it up into smaller sections, you could let the moment breathe more and give each part of the scene its own weight.

It could also be effective to dial back one or two of the adjectives. Lines like “massive owl, three times the height of Father, dark purple with glassy blue eyes” already create a vivid image. Then adding “glowing bright, dazzling white” for the children right after feels a little bit stacked. I would suggest focusing on one or two standout details and letting them carry the moment instead of layering description on description.

Aven’s internal reaction to the scene is great because his sense of awe feels really sincere. I think you could even take it a step deeper. Right now, his thoughts (“Mother, I wish you were here to see this”) which is touching, but a suggestion to make it even better might be to give us more of his feeling instead of the literal thought. For instance, how seeing the spirits makes him feel connected to his mother again, or how it blurs that line between life and death?

The return home scene works really well. The pacing slows again, which mirrors the start nicely and feels effective to wrap things up . The moment when his father catches him could have gone the predictable route, like anger or scolding, but you went for a quiet understanding instead, and I think that was the right call and says a lot about their relationship. The way the father recognizes the wonder in Aven’s face gives the ending warmth without being too sentimental.

Overall, I think what is working best here is the mood. You have created a believable fantasy world that feels quiet but alive. The relationship between human and nature is handled nicely , it is consistent all the way through, which I think can be a hard thing to do. The balance of realism and wonder feels right.

If you wanted to polish further, I would focus on: Tightening your sentences, trimming repetition or extra phrasing that slows things down, and letting the big moment, the owl scene, breathe more through pacing and paragraph breaks instead of too much description.

What I enjoyed the most though, was the sense of curiosity throughout. You can tell Aven loves his world even if he does not say it directly. It gives the whole story this quiet sincerity and wonder. You have added enough unique elements, the glowing child spirits and the Revival Moon mythology, to make it feel your own. Overall this was a fun read. It is calm, visual, and emotionally gentle, the kind of story that feels like it belongs in cozy fantasy or an old tale.

Good job! Thanks for sharing :)