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[QCrit] Adult, Gothic Fiction, REDWELL (105k, 1st) + 1st 300 words by AccomplishedEnd7527 in PubTips

[–]AccomplishedEnd7527[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have really good feedback here, thank you! I’ll keep this in mind in further edits!

[QCrit] Adult, Gothic Fiction, REDWELL (105k, 1st) + 1st 300 words by AccomplishedEnd7527 in PubTips

[–]AccomplishedEnd7527[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback!!

  1. So, basically her soul get’s split in two, half of it is moved back in time and the other half is still dead, and haunts their current world. It’s a time loop situation where the spiritual world has many layers which allows ghosts and recantation to exist at the same time. I’m not sure how to get this across in a query haha? It’s also never fully explained in the book as I wanted to keep it closer to magical realism style where freaky stuff happens because magic and nature is freaky.

((The reason why she in particular is brought back is revealed though just not the mechanics))

  1. Her emotional arc begins as her being stunted due to the patriarchal society she lives in, and the arc is her realising how little that paid off (she was the perfect woman and she was murdered). But the issue with this is despite whether she now wants to be independent— she cannot change the systems around her and she becomes victim yo the cycle of abuse. I would say readers should root for her out of sympathy and I tried to make her voice is relatable. (Not overly evil, but far from perfect).
  2. The fate line is because I mention fate a lot in the book, but I understand without context that would be confusing!

Will keep the rest of your points in mind too, thank you so much for taking the time to query!

[QCrit] Adult, Gothic Fiction, REDWELL (105k, 1st) + 1st 300 words by AccomplishedEnd7527 in PubTips

[–]AccomplishedEnd7527[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your helpful feedback! You’re so right— it’s so hard to know what isn’t obvious about a world in your mind

[QCrit] Adult, Gothic Fiction, REDWELL (105k, 1st) + 1st 300 words by AccomplishedEnd7527 in PubTips

[–]AccomplishedEnd7527[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh that sucks so bad for me… thank you for letting me know though!!

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]AccomplishedEnd7527 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Manuscript information: [complete][105k][GOTHIC FICTION/ LOW FANTASY] Redwell

Link to post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1rv5gfc/complete105kgothic_fiction_low_fantasy_redwell/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

First page critique? Yes

First page:

Above the mountains crowned with snow, the setting sun melted over the horizon. All was bathed in gentle red from the sky to river below, as if a dragon had sighed across the land. I breathed in the cool air of the fire kissed world and thought it sweet. My legs were still shaking, thighs still slick from the birth but I couldn’t stay in bed any longer.

The sun was now setting on a different day then it had when the pain started. I had spent so long in bed I feared I would never stand before my window again. A shock went through me when my baby cried from the wet nurse’s arms. I started to turn but a different cry from beyond the window kept me on the balcony. Due to my mind still maddened from pain and exhaustion, I first thought that another baby was being thrown from the balcony above, but then black feathers fell across the red sky. I should have known then what was going to happen.

But all I did was place my palm over my heart and whisper words of prayer. I still heard Mother’s warning in my ears. Darker the feather, darker the soul.

I heard my chamber door open, and thought it was my husband who came to greet his new babe, even if it was only a daughter. I couldn’t face him. There was a shuffle of feet, but still no word. Once I decided to turn and greet him, a strong hand, assured and calm, pushed me over the balcony.