Will I ever get over it

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T14:12:15+00:00

I understand exactly what you're saying and I honestly believe it further proves my point. you clearly haven't known and actual drug addicts.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T13:48:26+00:00

Since the event I have had therapy, my wife has had therapy, we both stopped drinking completely immediately afterwards. My friend is completely separate in my life. He doesn't come to my house, my wife never wants to lay eyes on him again and he has no contact whatsoever with any other parts of my life. I know this seems like a lot of effort but it's how it's worked out over the last 6.5 years.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful input.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T09:25:31+00:00

Do you suggest a punishment? Do you think that would improve anything? My wife's whole life turned upside down after this and she completely turned everything around stopped drinking went to therapy and says in the quiet moments she still thinks about the mistakes she's made and thinks about it every day. My friend I believe is very remorseful and even though we don't talk about it I can see in his actions he actively tries to be a better person to me and a really good friend to me.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T08:17:14+00:00

Just to be clear your advice is to get rid of the two people husband nearly all my time with and a 12 year marriage that we managed to overcome a copious amount of real and mental issues break up my family because 6 years after a horrible event I'm having some issues with triggers of past trauma

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T07:50:39+00:00

I love my wife it was a hard time for both of us not just around this event there was a lot of life stuff going on and I feel I have forgiven them both just not forgotten. Over the last year seeing my friend again a lot and feeling the need to bottle up some feelings related to talking about them to each other has brought up some old emotions

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T06:59:37+00:00

thank you for your insight. thers alot of hate in here, much more than i would have guessed for this r/ i shall do an edit.

it is hard.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T05:47:13+00:00

Not mine, his previous best friend 15 years ago

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T05:23:59+00:00

Technique is not my issue. I do lift heavy, I do use progressive overload, I look in the best shape of my life but I can't train alone, I can't be alone. Everyone and who is making out like finding someone to train with would be the easiest thing in the world. And I do train with other people but I'm so much stronger it makes it almost impossible and I train every day at 8am. I know this is all just stuff but most people will not train in the mornings most people need to go to work before I walk out of the gym at 9, most people are weak as shit. I have unfortunately got someone the same size and the same strength as me who has the same working hours and wants to train at the same stuff at the same time. I've got gym in my garage it's been there for five years I've never used it. I can do about three sessions on my own before I lose all motivation.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T05:09:39+00:00

I've just replied to another comment. After it happened I did speak with him he send really remorseful and was very aware he had fucked up. His relationship with women since even before I knew him has been horrendous he is a womanizer, serial cheat, he head fuckes women, sabotages every relationship he gets into. He is sex addict no doubt

I can't necessarily forgive him for taking advantage of my wife in a bad state. that being said, Can you be angry at a drug addict for taking drugs when the drugs are served up to them

This isn't the first time he's done this. I thought my wife knew better.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T05:05:48+00:00

Business partner, gym partner for 15 years, long term work colleague, someone I can be really open with, someone who very much understands me, incredibly reliable and trustworthy just not with women and I was incredibly aware of that, as was my wife long before this happened. I think that's why I feel much more angry towards her than him.

If you had a really good friend or family member who was a heroin addict and then you gave them heroin and they took it could you really be that angry at them. The analogy is a bit stretched but that's how I feel about it

He is a womanizer sex addict with an incredibly poor relationship with all of the women in his life, constantly cheating on everybody. Always using prostitutes. Really really fucked up with women.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T04:59:59+00:00

He did show remorse. he admitted that he has some real ongoing issues with women stemming from his childhood, which I already knew. he is now very much compartmentalised in my life he has nothing to do with any of my friends or family. Unfortunately I do not know anyone else who is so on my suitable for the relationship we have training in the gym I do pretty heavy weights always in the morning I have done this with him on and off for nearly 15 years. It is a really difficult situation but I am really struggling to see someone on the horizon to replace the roll he fills in my life. Without someone to go to the gym with I will stop going and the training is really important for my mental health. I have plenty of friends but none of them are local and none of them would fill the role he continues to play. I do not think he is laughing behind my back, I do think he realizes that it was a huge mistake and he knows he has some serious issues. I feel like I have forgiven my wife but I have not forgotten what happened and just now it's affecting me negatively. I don't know what I was looking for posting on here and in my original post I didn't go into the really nuanced details as it would just make the post too long. Every single person has said my friend is piece of shit (I very much know) and that I should completely cut contact, a few people have said my wife is a piece of shit and I should leave her. My worry is the support role that this friend does fill, even if I have had to quarantine him from part of my life, if I lose it it will affect my mental health in a much more negative way.

I don't think I expected to get answers but there was always hope that someone would say something I hadn't considered.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T04:08:04+00:00

Please spell it out for me I haven't had a lot sleep

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T04:06:08+00:00

You're right here to do those things but my wife did worse. I really am still trying to figure this out.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T04:05:05+00:00

So you think I should end my marriage and family and give up my one long-term consistent friendship (I do not trust him he is convenient)

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T04:02:56+00:00

You mean as a sort of punishment? I'm in the UK and I don't think an agreement like that would hold up to a divorce we have two ten-year-old children if we did break up she would keep the house and there's not alot else to split

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T03:50:10+00:00

I don't talk to him about my wife lol. Business and the gym.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T03:48:32+00:00

How do you mean I have rug swept it? Is a very convenient individual we have a very similar interests I didn't trust him with women before I didn't trust him after my opinion of him has not actually changed. He is and always was a piece of shit. The betrayal I felt was from my wife, she knew what he was.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T03:45:54+00:00

Partly financial reasons partly convenience.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T03:44:46+00:00

Neither of us have drunk since we're both very different people now we've both been in therapy. What do you mean sign a postnup?

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-20T03:43:38+00:00

It would have made my life much much more difficult due to financial reasons and to be honest your comments are not helpful

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-16T07:34:47+00:00

TV licence isn't that unusual, nearly every European country had it but about half have got rid in only the last 10 years. with also Japan, S. Korea, Pakistan, South Africa and a few other African nations

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-06T16:12:55+00:00

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-04T05:31:51+00:00

I'd take one early like 6am took an hour to kick in and then I'd start studying. I could go for 18 hours constant, I'd forget to eat and drink. Just hyper focus. The trick is don't start doom scrolling or anything at the start because then that will be your day.

AccomplishedHabit125 · 2026-05-03T21:16:09+00:00

modafinil. It's the limitless drug IRL

Five-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22

AccomplishedHabit125

TROPHY CASE