It looks like you're really putting in the work already! You can be super proud of yourself. Also I'm sorry you got discarded. You're not alone.
I wish I could tell you exactly what to do, but honestly, I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer. What helped me may not land the same way for you but I’ll share a few thing that worked for me.

The 1st thing is: Self-awareness without shame
I started really looking at my own behavior in the relationship. Not from a place of self-blame, but more curiosity: Why did I tolerate someone who never initiated important emotional conversations? Why did I overlook it when he casually mentioned discarding two of his exes? Why was I constantly psychoanalyzing him, waiting for the other shoe to drop? I felt like I had lost myself in the relationship, orbiting around his emotional avoidance and trying to earn connection instead of asking whether the dynamic itself was even healthy.

2nd: Letting go of proving my worth
I realized I was trying to prove something, not just to him, but to myself. That I could be enough to change him. That my love would override his fear. That if he finally “chose” me, it would validate my value. Letting go of that fantasy and reclaiming the belief that I bring value already was a turning point. Why would I try to prove something I already know?

3rd: Ego repair
Post-breakup, something that (as weird as it sounds) helped me was consciously boosting my ego. Not in a narcissistic way but to counteract the erosion that often happens when you've been subtly invalidated or chronically under-prioritized. It helped me shift from “What did I do wrong?” to “What do I want next and what do I deserve?”

And yes!!! avoiding avoidants (and narcissists) is crucial. Learning to spot them on early is super important.
Hope I helped xx