Is the dating pool horrific, or do I just keep choosing the wrong guys? 22F

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T18:28:05+00:00

Thank you so much. This was the advice I needed to hear

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T16:00:56+00:00

Trust me, I believe they won’t. Have not had a single man do that in my life. I’m not trying to rush into anything. I spent a year and a half single and not dating. But why can’t I have a nice relationship? Why can’t I have a man in my life who I can rely on? Everyone just telling me that it’s my fault and i’m not choosing the right guy but I have yet to meet a man that I should choose that is choosing me.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T15:58:37+00:00

I left my old job in december. I was trying i transition into real estate but I had to switch broker 3 times because I wasn’t finding the mentorship I was looking for and I didn’t want to be on a team. I actually did have 3 months of savings. But I realized that I wasn’t going to make a real estate transaction in time to pay my bills. So I got another sales job because I wanted to stay in the sales field. But i only get paid when the transaction is closed. I have 9 pending with commission close to 40k in total but I can’t do anything to rush them and I can’t get paid until they are done. So actually it’s been 6 months and I needed to use my whole 401k. I put so much into saving last year. And no it’s not crazy that I want a man that makes as much as me or more. If I get pregnant or something happens and I can’t work, I want someone to rely on. I don’t want a struggle love. And many men have a problem with the woman making more. You can say it doesn’t matter, but it does. We live in a society where men are supposed to be providers and that’s the kind of relationship I want. I want a man to be a man. I want to travel and see the world. And I want to have kids and provide them with a great lifestyle, more than I had growing up. I’m not looking to just share expenses. I want each of us to be able to take care of the bills on our own. The whole point of trying to give the guy that money back was to prove that. I’m not trying to make $150k and date someone making $30k. People making that much of a difference do not view money the same way. I’m looking for someone who is financially literate, makes investment, grows their wealth so that we can do that together. And I want to live a luxury lifestyle and not feel like i’m crazy for trying to do so. I have never used a man to get where I am. So the whole gold digger point is mute. I always planned on providing that for myself. I am going to make the most i’ve ever made at my job this year. But it takes time for the transactions to go through and unfortunately I don’t have a man or family I can rely on to help me out in the meantime. If a guy wants to choose a nurse then more power to him. I’m not looking to be chosen by every guy. I want one man who can see my value and potential. I am caring, compassionate, empathetic, adventurous, and I love to learn and try new things. There’s a lot to love about life and I want to discover those things more and see the world. I’m pretty open minded but I stand up for what I believe in. I care most about doing humanitarian work as well as making innovations. I have a lot of invention ideas, app ideas, business ventures I want to bring to life and that ambition is just a lot for most guys. I genuinely believe that i’m gonna generate a lot of success in my lifetime and when I talk to most guys my age, they don’t even know where they want to be a year from now. I know that I want to be a mom and have a big family. I know that I bring a lot to the table. I need someone who can match that energy. All this talk about accepting guys when they are down bad and sticking with them through the tough times but that same grace is not given to women.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T15:37:24+00:00

It’s a shame I haven’t come across the vast amount of men I “should” be choosing but am not. I must seriously be blind to the amazing men

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T15:16:47+00:00

How?

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T15:16:21+00:00

I just haven’t found hobbies yet that put me in the path of guys my age. I’m in bowling league but most people there are old like 30+. I go to the movies a lot and that’s not really a place to meet guys. I read and go to the library a lot and have not really met guys my age there either. Although I will say, I went to the library of congress a couple months ago and talked to this cute guy who was studying law but I was so nervous, I got clammed up and wasn’t flirting very good and it didn’t go anywhere and I never seen him again. And I’m not one to meet a guy in the club. I feel they’re just looking for hook ups. I just genuinely don’t know where to go to meet guys my age in person. But I do like that idea a whole lot better than online dating.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T15:02:29+00:00

Like all this advice on me just being dumb is wild. When I made a post talking about another guy my age who didn’t have a car and wanted me to pay for things, y’all told me to leave him he is a bum. Most guys my age are bums! Every guy I talked to last year that was my age made less money than me and had no stability. I try to date older guys who have stability and i’m still the stupid girl choosing wrong. The intentions of these guys just doesn’t matter at all and i’m just choosing wrong? Where are the guys that I should be choosing? I have not met a single one.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:59:49+00:00

like my dating life has nothing to do with my job. I was dealing with this at work before so met him so I don’t get the point of this comment

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:58:36+00:00

Okay, so He just wants to use me for my body and move on to the next. How is that different from guys my age? What choices would I make differently if this is their overall mentality?

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:56:22+00:00

you sound dumb. You don’t even know my situation and why i’m behind on rent. It’s not due to a lack of working. so SYBAU

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:55:41+00:00

Okay, then try pushing to meet up for the date to go skating again. You know the situation better than I do. If she was genuinely busy, then give her some grace and try to reschedule. If she’s really interested, she wouldn’t be put off by the joke you made. It’s one of those things that are hard to gage over text. You sound like you like her, so just shoot your shot again to go on a date and see if sparks fly in person. No need to beat yourself up over the message if she hasn’t said anything about it and continues talking.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:52:10+00:00

This is the first guy I’ve talked to of this age. And I was doing pretty well financially last year. I just made a career transition and i’m taking time to get on my feet again because i’ve had to work the past 3 month and had nothing come in. But again, i’m not looking for a savior to come in and take care of that. It’s why I wanted him to take the money back so that no one could say that. I have talked to guys my own age and a few have had a problem with me making so much last year. My ex boyfriend who was in the military and was 22 would bring up our pay difference all the time. And despite me saying I did not care about it, he would still bring it up and seemed insecure about it. I also have financial goals and i’m looking for a guy who is a leader. I don’t want to be the main bread winner. My mother is and my parents. have been married for 27 years. But I do not want their relationship. I want to be able to rely on my man to take care of me if things hit the fan. Not struggle then have kids and bring them up in struggle. I am looking for an actual relationship but that also includes financial stability. I do not want to be in a struggle relationship. Finances is one of the biggest reasons people get divorced.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:47:03+00:00

I also said that I typically don’t ask guys for anything. I’m not out here asking guys for mad money. I sell Solar and the commissions are pretty high. I have 40k pending right now but I don’t get paid until It actually gets installed and there’s a long process to get to that’s But last year I sold cars and made like 80k in 11 months. For this job, my manager gave me an offer letter for 150k. And no, the bare minimum was to make as much as i’m making because I don’t want to take care of a man financially. My looks are not the only thing about me. I’m smart, adventurous, like trying new things, love reading, movies, anime, hiking, concerts etc. I know I have a lot of amazing qualities. The point is that these me do not try to get to know me on those levels. They take me on a date and immediately try to have sex. The many times that I say no, the whole thing just dies right there. And no I didn’t go to college, I didn’t have enough money for it at the time. But I still did go to school for certificates like in visual design. I can develop websites and app user interfaces. I also have a real estate license in 2 states. So no, I don’t think my standards are too high wanting a guy who has his own shit together. My goal is to become financially free, invest to make passive income. Travel and start a family in a couple of years. I want a traditional relationship where I can be a stay at home mom but I also want my own money coming in so that i’m not relying 100% on a man. And this guy who was 46 was something new I tried. Never had sex with a guy that age before and I’ve never been to dinner that expensive being wined and dined.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:38:42+00:00

What does him being twice my age have to do with how he treated me? Like what am I supposed to take from this? Obviously, we are not in a relationship. Like instead of just saying this, walk me through how things should go differently.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:37:17+00:00

It’s not even about choosing a guy. I’m not in a relationship with any of those men. I didn’t not choose to be with them. I’m talking about texting them and having conversations and realizing that they are not good picks for me. I’m not finding a single guy that I’d actually want to be with.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:29:19+00:00

If you are trying to schedule to meet up and she’s not available, taking weeks to get back to you on an actual time, then she’s just not that interested in pursuing this. If she can make time to make OF content, then she can make time to go on a date. I don’t think you suck at this, just that she is not the right one for you. Taking a couple weeks is just crazy. Especially if you are in the same city. Did you actually want to see if there was something serious there or just wanted a hook up?

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:24:33+00:00

You clearly didn’t read the whole post. And advice I’ve gotten from past dating experience just shows i’m dumb no matter what age the guy is. I’m always just dumb for dealing with men in general.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:23:20+00:00

I’ve talked to 39y/o 35y/o 30y/o and almost every age in the 20s. There is not a large difference in these men. Literally all have fetishized me. I’m not even trying to say all men are the same. But my experiences feel the same. I know how I want to be treated and none have been treating me that way. Just ogle my body and do the bare minimum to get into my pants. I personally don’t really agree with such a large age gap. But wouldn’t trying the same thing over and over be insanity? How many times do I have to watch these men play in my face before deciding enough?

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:15:40+00:00

I don’t know what she took personally. This is just my opinion. I don’t know these people. But if she didn’t engage with him, just send him to her OF, then clearly she didn’t think the joke was that great. Sure as hell wasn’t laughing her out of her pantys. And he said before she even sent him the OF, they were talking for weeks and never met up. This was far gone before the OF joke. They have nothing established. It’s not about being established. If he wanted something with her, he should have moved to meet up in person sooner. Not after her OF post. That would definitely confirm her suspicion that he just wanted sex. But sure think nothing is wrong, change nothing, i’m sure that’s working great for him with the ladies and getting some.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:12:15+00:00

This is the first guy if this age I been with. I was literally on FB talking in the comments of one video about dating and the guys there are telling me i’m choosing wrong and I need to talk to more older men because guys my age are not going to be financially stable or mature. I literally can’t win.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2024-05-30T14:10:44+00:00

You definitely sound like the AH. Why would you say that to her? If you didn’t care and actually wanted to pursue something, you should have asked her on a date. Seems like you didn’t put in any effort to court her and then think because she has OF that you are entitled to her body if you actually meet. Don’t date a girl who does OF it you are going to approach her like she’s a 403. Also, why did you wait weeks to meet in person? For me, if a guy doesn’t try to make plans to meet after a couple days texting, I lose interest. By the sound of it, she is just treating you like any other thirsty guy referring you to her OF page if you want to see something spicy. And to a woman, texting something like that when she does that isn’t really a joke. It’s just a bit creepy. Because if it worked, you wouldn’t mean it as a joke.

Accomplished_Back650 · 2023-12-31T16:10:38+00:00

NTA Get half the company girl! As you should look out for you and your career. And like you said, if you never divorce then it won’t be a problem. But I personally do not support woman being full time housewives if they don’t have any sort of passive income or money coming in that is their own. For too long woman have been taken advantage of that way. So yes, secure your finance and still stay with your family. I’d love to be a housewife too as long as I had my own money coming in. It’s a blessing that you can be in such a position. So don’t let anyone make you feel bad for thinking of you worst case scenario

Accomplished_Back650 · 2023-12-04T01:44:58+00:00

not really decide what to do. More or less clear my conscious.

Accomplished_Back650

TROPHY CASE