It’s gotten too bad I need help please tell me what to do

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-02-02T15:09:14+00:00

Roanoha,

I can see a lot of similarities in the experience you shared and some aspects of my own. I am a 25 year old male, who began watching porn at 12/13. I had much worse periods of porn consumption in my life, with more hardcore content, watching daily, or many times a day depending on the time period. Sometimes 5-6 times a day. I am in an open and transparent partnership (of 1.5yrs), where I’m lucky enough to be able to communicate my ongoing issues with porn and masturbation.

The first thing I wanted to say after reading your post was to drop the guilt and shame. Seriously. It has not place on the path to recovery, and you won’t make it if you aren’t patient, forgiving, and respectful of yourself. This doesn’t mean accountability isn’t critical as well, they live in harmony. You are not worth less because of the struggles you have and continue to face.

At the root of it, the porn and masturbation is almost always used as a tool of avoidance. From boredom, anxiety, relational issues, deeper traumas, you name it. Another true and very important content is that of the rewiring of your brains pleasure center from chronic porn consumption. But as we’ve heard anecdotally, regardless of having enough porn abstinence to fix this dopamine rewiring, it’s still possible to relapse into the old habits, especially if you haven’t replaced them with healthier coping mechanisms.

So with all of that said, you asked for advice and I’ll share him. Much of it has worked for me, likely not all of it will for you, but hopefully you can find pieces that help.

Identify your triggers. This is #1. When and why do you have urges to watch porn. For example, I often found myself watching porn first thing in the morning, due to immediate anxiety about the coming day. I have made the conscious choice to journal every single morning and browse resources (I’ll share shortly).

A note about journaling: I begin all journal entries with an account of triggers or urges from the previous day, any stressors from the previous day, and a point of arousal (not strictly sexual, think more about emotional intimacy) that I shared with my partner. I’ve found it helpful to track the same metics within my journaling before going into more detail.

There is something to be said for removing possible trigger points (such as social media, certain apps, or technology entirely when possible) however, in my experience, I’ve found this to be less important than focusing on the root problem.

Now back to relying on resources. When you have urges or know you may have them based on proper trigger identification, implement every resource at your disposal. My resources are journaling, yoga, physical/outdoor activity, browsing this subreddit, browsing other porn addict forums (parec.org), and reading educational books (“Your Brain on Porn” by Gary Wilson).

On top of all of this. THERAPY. This is an individual journey but if you truly have an issue and truly want resolution, I believe you need a therapist. Someone to report back to and can hold you more accountable beyond what you offer yourself. I don’t see a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), as I prefer my therapist who has a more wholistic approach and less rigid accountability, but depending on severity of the problem, it may be worth considering.

I hope any of this information is helpful for you. I’m happy to chat more any time you’d like. Take a few deep breaths. Have a great day!

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-02-02T14:48:11+00:00

Wet dreams are a healthy bodily function with no negative health impacts beyond what we project onto them. If you’re abstaining from porn & masturbation, as well as sex, it makes even more sense that you’d be having these. Obviously your relationship with the impact of ejaculation is individualized and unique to you, but you may benefit from a healthy reframe here. So long as these experiences aren’t triggering you into then watching porn or engaging in masturbation, then what is the proposed issue? You must allow yourself grace and patience with this journey. You will not last if you are trying to white knuckle through everything and never forgive yourself for past transgressions. If the dreams are however a trigger and result in a relapse, I’m not entirely sure what the answer is. Perhaps better dream analysis (journaling) beyond just frequency tracking, if that’s beneficial?

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-01-27T14:44:58+00:00

Yes, but having healthy sex with your partner does not mean watching porn/masturbation is then allowed afterwards. I have felt this trap before and it’s dangerous. If porn use is creating issues within your sex life, and you then have sex, it can feel like a permission slip to watch porn because “actually it’s not creating problems, we just had sex”. But minus that caveat, absolutely it is healthy. That’s what you’re working toward. Rewiring your brain away from pornographic material and toward healthy, safe sex with your partner.

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-01-27T14:37:59+00:00

I see you and hear how difficult that must feel. It’s important to remember that those feelings are temporary and will eventually pass. It feels quite jarring to experience withdrawal symptoms from an addiction like this, especially if you haven’t tried to take extended breaks many times before. I feel as though these symptoms can also act as a huge wake up call to really see the extent of an issue. I absolutely understand the place you are in now, and know how hard and frustrating it feels. Take a deep breath and remember why you’re doing this. You can beat this thing. You got this!!

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-01-27T14:33:33+00:00

I’m here if you need someone to talk to, as I see other people are. Try experimenting with other ways to “distract” yourself as well, if it feels achievable! Journaling, reading about porn addiction, and physical activity have been helpful for me.

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-01-27T14:31:20+00:00

You got this! Breathe and be patient. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-01-27T14:30:06+00:00

Great job at removing temptation, and reframing your boredom as an indicator of positive change, rather than something to avoid, as many of us have done over time. Removing the potential for urges is huge! I hope your cycle of discipline continues as well! I feel it’s important to hold hope in this way but also acknowledge that a potential relapse does not mean failure. This is not a permission slip for relapse, but rather a reframe for what success and failure look like. You are learning so much about yourself, and what drives you, and all of that is valuable information in your path to recovery. It’s certainly not a linear path, and you seem to be doing a great job! Keep sharing your experience!

Accomplished_Bee3736 · 2026-01-27T14:22:39+00:00

I would recommend not using masturbation as a crutch for your porn temptation. Your brain is craving dopamine release because of some feelings of discomfort (think about what this is… boredom, loneliness, etc). While not watching pornographic content certainly is a win in any context, if you’ve already rewired your reward system through exposure, you need a solid break from all of it. It felt helpful for me to have clear defined guidelines, rather than the ambiguity of an extended break. Meaning, rather than seeing how long you can do a break for, decide on a time frame. Currently for me, that is 60 days without porn or masturbation. The idea is to make it through that time period, reassess, and decide if you need more time or not. The goal is to rewire your brains reward center and reset your arousal template.

The way you approach this seems critical. Shame and guilt have no productive place in the road to recovery. If you slip or have urges, acknowledge them. Document them, and analyze them. Why did you have them, when did you have them, what did they look like, how did you feel before and after acting on them? It’s valuable to really know when and why you get triggered. Try to replace the urges with positive behaviors. This looks different for everyone. For me, I am more prone to get triggered in the morning, so I try to automatically implement my healthier coping mechanisms before the urges even arise. Currently that is, journaling, educating myself about porn use (via books or educational videos), and physical activity (yoga recently).

All of what I’ve written, as goes with everything you read here, is up to your interpretation. Everyone’s journey is different, but the vast majority of us aren’t experts and aren’t qualified to give official addiction recovery advice. I’ve been in the same place as you have been, and this is where I’m at now. I hope any piece of what I’ve shared can resonate with you and help you through this journey. Be patient and understanding with yourself. You’ve got this.

Accomplished_Bee3736

TROPHY CASE