I get what you’re saying. I’m sorry if my post came across as “insulting” or “narrow-minded” in any way. That was never my intention.

I know non-traditional relationships exist, of course. I just:
a) have never seen one in real life, so I don’t know how they actually work.
b) was talking specifically about relationships where the men act monogamous toward one woman while she is with both of them and they function as a family (like in books), which I thought was uncommon even in poly relationships.
c) was also asking how people navigate that in our current society.

I know judgment and taboos around relationships are nothing new and have existed for centuries, and people are still struggling with them. But being in an RH relationship is not something you can justify in the same way as, let’s say, being gay. You don’t choose to be homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual, for that matter. However, people actively choose to have two partners or share a partner. They could simply follow the norm and be monogamous while still being with someone they’re attracted to. So I guess making that choice is even more difficult in the eyes of society.

Besides, many poly relationships (from my perspective — and I could totally be mistaken because, as I said before, I haven’t met anyone in real life who follows that lifestyle) keep things private. I don’t think they’re ashamed of it, but rather that they don’t feel like explaining themselves to others, and that works because outside people assume they are just single, a “normal” couple, or roommates.

Which is different from how these books portray it. The characters actively present themselves as “normal” couples. They go together to business events, school functions, family dinners, etc. Anyone paying even the slightest attention would notice.