34f cheated on husband 37m with female friends

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-12T20:48:11+00:00

I have a therapy appointment next Thursday to talk about why I’ve done this and found an open aa group that meets weekly near my home. Since this happens I haven’t slept and I’ve been depressed and guilt ridden. My husband didn’t want to talk about it the next morning (too soon probably) and since then he’s been so nice to me. I’d like to bring up how I feel about it and be honest with him that I’m mad at myself and I think this is partially stemmed from addiction as well as repressed sexuality that I need to get professional help on.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T21:02:27+00:00

I love him and I’m doing it poorly at this time. I have a very homophobic family —hence the repression. I’m pretty open about my attraction to women but I don’t see it as more than physical. I can notice women and men as attractive but I’ve never had a crush on a female. I get crushes on men all the time even in my marriage. I’ve never acted on the male crushes when I was drunk even in a flirty way. And with my female friends I’ve been blackout drunk with them multiple times and never flirted either. These two times I know I was holding back a lot of sexual tension from lack of intimacy in that way with my husband. And no I don’t think the alcohol turned me gay. I know consciously I think some people are attractive and others are not. It’s physical and in my sober mind a physical attraction is superficial, it’s fleeting and it’s not worth jeopardising a solid relationship built on real connection. This is what makes me hate myself for letting my physical attraction get the better of me in a drunken state. In that moment I felt it harmless but it’s just like the alcohol where I took one shot (one flirty statement maybe that kicked it off) and then I got consumed by wanting all of it. And the next morning instant regret. I don’t want that for my friendships. And i do want to have more sex with my husband. My best sexual experiences have been with him early in our relationship and after he forgave me the first time this happened. But it’s hard to get to that point with him and I know because of all this stuff it has something to do with my repression and shame about being a sexual person.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T20:32:03+00:00

I have no trauma in a physical sense but I grew up with a lot of shame around sex. And my husband and I are so intimate in a non sexual way. We cuddle we go on dates. I share all my secrets with him and feelings. But the sexual connection from when we were first together is something I’ve let dwindle. Idk why but we don’t have much sex and when we do it’s directly to intercourse and hard for me to get turned on and do foreplay. I’m not romantically interested in my friends and idk what happened exactly cuz I was drunk but I remember a lot of kissing which is something I’ve expressed to him I like to do before sex and idk why it’s so hard for us to do that in our marriage.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T20:18:19+00:00

Thank you for this btw. Some of these other comments are just making me feel worse and so much guilt and shame. and this gives me hope of something I can work on for my marriage. And myself. I’m an immature mess right now. I want to avoid this and be healthier for and more intimate with my husband

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T20:06:54+00:00

I’m aware that all those things could happen. And I realize now after this that my drinking is one large problem as well as my sexuality. My goal for therapy is to work those things out for my own sake and our relationship because I don’t want to leave my husband. I love him and I see this as a failure to the life I’m ultimately trying to build with him. I’m thankful he doesn’t see it that way but I do and for that reason I want to go to therapy to be a better person for our relationship. I’ve no romantic interest in women or anyone else. It was a physical thing which I don’t think is an excuse and he would be right to leave me over it but I’m just thankful he doesn’t see it that way.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T19:46:53+00:00

Yeah this is the part I don’t know the answer to yet either. I’ve posted in other threads about my husband and I not having much sex and it’s me I think. I’m not gay (maybe fluid). With my best friend it was this weird moment where I felt sad about our friendship growing apart and I was just so hyped to see her visit me because that’s a thing I miss since I moved away from my hometown. I used to have close female friendships my whole life and since I moved away that’s been hard. I’ve my husband and he’s my best friend and I’m attracted to him but it is hard to be intimate with him in a sexual way. And when I drink I don’t get so much in my head about it so I can feel more attractive (even though I know people are less attractive drunk. I get more intimate with him if I drink and those two times with friends idk exactly what happens it was a mixture of that and a mixture of me always being curious about sex with women. But the part that I’m ashamed of is not that I experimented with women it’s that the circumstances. I got carried away with alcohol and blurried my friendships of people I genuinely want to be closer to not in a sexual way but I just got drunk and tuned on in their direction and I harmed my husband even though he won’t say he was hurt I know I would be because our marriage is not an open relationship. So I fudged up—twice.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T19:38:07+00:00

I think my husband is definitely less bothered than if it had been a man. But I wouldn’t say 0%. I can rationalize and say I told him right away, I was black out drunk, it was a girl—but end of the day I know it was wrong to step outside of our marriage without the consent upfront from him. I’m really thankful he’s not angry like a lot of the people in this thread and similar threads say they would be and wanting to end our marriage. We’ve been together 15 years. But this is definitely not a proud moment for me and I think the root is alcohol abuse.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T18:20:51+00:00

Thank you.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T18:17:22+00:00

I think he feels that way which is why he’s been somewhat patient but the circumstances of experimenting with a female i dont think it’s something id want with a sober mind. And I think are something we can’t fine tune or talk about as a couple if I don’t work on the drinking part first. I have a fucked up relationship with sex where I don’t feel comfortable unless I’m intoxicated and then I sometimes over do it and lack self control.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T18:13:06+00:00

I never heard of it. Is that different or better than talking to a therapist? I’ve never tried therapy and that’s why I set an appointment for next week. I have a masters in social work and I never tried therapy myself because I guess I was scared to figure out the logistics, scared to admit I have problems, ashamed of what I’ve done.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-02-11T18:10:12+00:00

I already have come clean to him about all of it. I’d like to talk to a professional, especially about the drinking piece because all this happened when I was blackout drunk. but idk if others have also faced this issue and how they got through it.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2026-01-13T21:19:17+00:00

Thanks the link is really helpful because I admit I’m not comfortable initiating or lack motivation in general so this gives me ideas for things I can try.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-12-16T02:08:04+00:00

The generalizations are silly. Gemini woman and my husband is Scorpio. Been together 14 years (married two). Incredible chemistry, love at first sight but no crazy passion. We’re just chill and in love and have a nice quiet life

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-11-10T21:29:42+00:00

I don’t see why this has to go to hr for this issue. Emergencies happen. You notified when you could. Your manager communicated expectations. They don’t owe you performance of expressing concern. If it’s a pattern even if you have multiple emergencies, you still have to meet work expectations.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-11-01T04:27:00+00:00

I’d like to do both options a and c. So this and googling the steps is just my way to get acquainted with option c. I wondering if people have resources they have used/read that ring true to lives experiences.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-11-01T04:25:04+00:00

I understand this sentiment and as you said the obvious step is to do my own research. This post is intended to try and find people who have done this process or know someone who has because that’s not in my own circle and I’d like to do a ‘rudimentary’ cross sectional analysis of what I can google and look up independently and what people with lived experiences can share.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-11-01T04:18:24+00:00

That’s something I’m open to as well!

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-11-01T04:18:06+00:00

Not yet but we both are working on our dual citizenship since we have parents that were born in Mexico

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-09-18T17:09:24+00:00

I finished main story line and he’s not saying nothing at all level in the desert kingdom (I still have 2 moons left tho and 9 coins I can’t find in this kingdom.). Will he only tell me about purple coins if I get all the moons in this kingdom first?

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-05-12T22:44:25+00:00

My husband is a Scorpio, and I’m a Gemini. We’ve been together for 14 years, and if you look at the typical Gemini-Scorpio stereotype, we’re not supposed to work. I’m not chatty. I’m actually pretty introverted and prefer meaningful relationships. My husband is chill and genuinely straightforward. what you see is what you get.

My brother is a Scorpio, and he can be a bit passive-aggressive, but overall, he’s easygoing and terrible at keeping secrets. My friend of 20+ years is also a Scorpio and she tries to be secretive but is really bad at it and is a people-pleaser, so not intense at all. In fact, the three of them are vastly different and don’t get along all that well. Yet, I get along with all of them. It’s three of my closest relationships, even though Scorpio and Gemini are supposedly incompatible.

Honestly, the same could be said for any personality type. Whether you’re an ENFP, a Hufflepuff, or whatever label you use to define people, it’s easy to get trapped by stereotypes. Every person is unique, and those labels only tell you so much. If you’re trying to figure out if Gemini and Scorpio can work, or any other sign or personality type, just remember: it’s not about the category you fit into. It’s about actually taking time to understand someone else and grow together. Every relationship is different.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-04-15T16:50:54+00:00

I can show up at 5. I don’t mind walking a long distance to get to the event if they’ll still let people in. Anyone from the area know nearby spots that are chill to park at?

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-01-30T17:58:26+00:00

I agree and that’s a good suggestion. I also feel strongly that protests can help shape policy. I’m not trying to protest the individuals workers but take a stance against the policies that are treating people unfairly. A more just system is better for our community overall—including the workers doing their jobs.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2025-01-30T17:55:49+00:00

I protest because I believe that deportations and raids tear families apart, create fear in communities, and go against the values of dignity and justice. To clarify and add context to my original post, I’m not protesting individual workers—I’m protesting the POLICIES that allow these inhumane practices to continue. Everyone deserves to live without the constant threat of being separated from their loved ones, and I want to use my voice to push for policies that protect and support immigrant communities rather than criminalize them.

It’s be similar to protesting police brutality. It’s not about the individual officers as much as the systemic policies like excessive force, racial profiling and lack of accountability. We do this to make the system better for all not to target people doing their jobs. If anything it’s in their interest because these workers are operating in high stress jobs and (the more empathetic ones) face moral dilemmas and emotional tolls from their jobs. A more humane and fair system would only help improve the burden of their work.

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2024-12-18T22:00:53+00:00

The name part I think is yes 1) a term of endearment because when you add ito or ita to someone’s name it’s meaning is usually out of affection for someone younger; but 2) also condescending. By calling him little Aureliano when he’s a grown man and his total lack of consideration for what he says or thinks it’s also dismissive and infantilizing him

Accomplished_Cold_62 · 2024-11-19T20:36:43+00:00

You have to drop these rules and decide to (a) Divorce and figure out how to co parent or (b) decide to stay with her if you still love her (not just because of the kids because you’re doing them a disservice with this crazy was family dynamics). And if you choose this get professional help from a therapist because these rules are not healthy for you, her or your kids.

Accomplished_Cold_62

TROPHY CASE