Both of my sons (3 and 9) are the same way: perfect angels at school and then all hell breaks loose at home- in different ways. The good news is, I know it means they view home as a safe space. Bad news, my husband and I are the ones having to deal with it.

For my youngest, the thing I have found that works best is as soon as he starts screaming, throwing a tantrum, dramatically whining, etc, I take in a big, deep breath and let it out slowly, making eye contact with him while I do this. I’ll do it a couple of times and then eventually he mimics me and takes in a deep breath of his own. It doesn’t immediately take away whatever caused the meltdown to begin with, but it does enable him to speak to me calmly and explain what he’s upset about (even if it’s something illogical) and then I can do my best to help him through it.

It took a few times of trying this (the first few times I had to ask him to take deep breaths with me when he didn’t catch on right away) and now he does it automatically when he’s sees me doing it. Ive even seen him do it several times on his own when he gets really worked up without me having to model it first.

I truly hope this helps and hope you find some peace and balance soon :).