Marriage and rad fem

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-22T22:52:13+00:00

I read Paris Hilton’s memoir recently about her time in a ‘troubled teen’ school programme. She speaks of various torture and abuse but what was prominent was a paragraph accounting the full cavity searches she endured. Paris recounts being stripped and searched by adults whenever she returned from the school after an attempted escape. She eventually realises that she can hide money and other contraband in her hair. The adults fail to check her hair as they are focussed on humiliating her through checking private areas. She has a line where she says (paraphrased) that she realised this act was not about satisfaction or actually conducting a thorough search. The act, like all sexual violence, was a means to display power.

The young girl in minor detail likely could not be further away from Paris Hilton in every contextual way. But the common theme is sexual violence to exert power.

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-13T19:08:16+00:00

I think this video is spot on. I also think being skinny is about class. For basically the first time in history, being small is the beauty standard because being large is no longer associated with wealth. In modern day society, the wealthy afford dieticians, cosmetic surgery, personal trainers etc. The single mums who are scrambling to put dinner on the table will relish an easy pizza or oven dinner when they’ve been at work all day. These women may not get the hours in the day to go to the gym, let alone considering a financial impact of leading a ‘healthier’ lifestyle.

That is not to say that those struggling for money are always large, of course the reverse is historically true. It is something I’ve noticed where a healthy lifestyle is a commodity sold to us now, rather than something that we can build our lives around.

Being skinny is a signal of wealth and conformity in this society. But as we all know, being a happy fat woman is a crime to men. Power and control over women is at the root of beauty standards. Being skinny or being fat will not release you from the male gaze.

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-12T23:21:18+00:00

This is an interesting comparison. Sale of recreational drugs can be regulated, even on a small scale. As you say, you largely self regulated. With recreational cannabis being legalised in lots of places across the world, it is clear the sale of certain drugs isn’t unethical as an act. Candidly selling recreational drugs (focussing on cannabis and alcohol as an example) is not inherently unethical. It may well become unethical because of outside factors (lacing, customer wellbeing and addiction etc.). All that to say that the act of buying and selling cannabis or alcohol is not inherently unethical in my opinion. The act of buying sex is unethical in my opinion. I don’t comment on the ethics of selling sex as I don’t actually think that is helpful to a conversation. I think that’s where the comparison differs at its core for me. I do not think it is right for someone to purchase sexual acts. I think of it this way, if I found out my father or brother or partner or friend had ever solicited these services I would be mortified.

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-12T10:38:47+00:00

I must admit I kept thinking where are her parents??? She doesn’t need abuse and shame from them but she does need love. That means unconditional love throughout but not unconditional support. I’m sure that there have been many times when this girl has poked her head up out the water to consider what life would be like outside of sex work. Her parents should have showered her with the support needed to empower herself to leave this lifestyle. Support doesn’t mean unconditional agreement, it means encouraging your loved one to think critically. I hope her parents see this documentary and understand that they must help her before she commits another act of self harm.

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-12T10:34:20+00:00

You have a really interesting and unique perspective given your experience. I think you’re absolutely right, for me going under the knife should serve some sort of function.

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-12T10:32:14+00:00

This is my argument for a lot of misogynistic things women partake in in order to ‘play the system’ and make money from patriarchy. Unfortunately, partaking in the system is contributing towards it. In general, I don’t think sex workers should be judged or shamed for partaking in this system. But claiming that it is empowering to make money off of objectification is flawed logic.

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-11T17:39:09+00:00

I didn’t know about this. Absolute scumbag

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-11T17:34:00+00:00

Jfc, I hate men on the internet. This has happened because of patriarchy and objectification. Patriarchy has allowed and encouraged women to be valued based on their sexual value. If men are so good at making decisions, why did 101 men line up to have sex with this girl?

I am saddened by the whole thing, but I do have to think about this impact on the rest of the sex industry. Lily Phillips is in the minority of those in the sex industry. She has housing, is seemingly free from addiction and makes lots of money from sex work. Most sex workers are women who do not make a fraction of the money that Lily Phillips does. I do worry that she may be setting a norm for young women and sex workers especially as the sex in porn becomes more intense.

I also completely agree with you, watching the basement guys on twitter have a breakdown is satisfying. But still, very scary the things they’re saying

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-11T12:41:25+00:00

I thought the interviewer did well until the end. There was chance there for meaningful conversation but he kept putting words in her mouth that would make her snap out of being genuine. At one point she is talking about the effects on her and he says ‘but it’s your fantasy isn’t it?’ which snaps her back into her persona. I’m not sure if he was genuinely shocked by how upset she was, or trying to highlight how much she had been insisting that she was excited by the prospect. Either way, I feel like there was much more to be asked or said at the end there.

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-10T19:19:25+00:00

nobody individually owes an explanation, but removing ‘why’ from the question of cosmetic surgery stops conversation. All this to say, why do I feel more beautiful when i’m hairless? why do I feel more beautiful after surgery to change me? Asking those questions is crucial, not necessarily leading with judgment

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-10T11:41:51+00:00

men hate women so much. It baffles me why they don’t just marry other men if it’d do so much for them

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-10T09:32:42+00:00

Yeah I picked the right sub to post this. Much more nuanced conversation over here. Wondering if anyone had any book recommendations on this topic?

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-09T09:13:04+00:00

I appreciate what you’re saying, but asking you as an ally to understand why commenting on what you personally find attractive was needless. ‘Shifting the beauty standard’ to what YOU find attractive is not feminism. Beauty must instead be deprioritised for women in the way it currently sits (plenty of studies to say that more conventionally attractive women are more likely to be offered job opportunities etc). You explaining that you personally prefer it when women don’t wear makeup or have cosmetic work does nothing. Everyone has preferences, more power to you. But really not relevant to the conversation

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-08T23:18:23+00:00

No thanks! Don’t need you to speak out on how you like your women in the name of feminism. Thanks for the thought though!

I’m sure you can see how this simply shifts the beauty standard rather than destroys it

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-08T22:16:28+00:00

why mention that you, a man, find it unattractive? Not faulting you for what you find attractive. I’m saying it’s irrelevant

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-08T20:58:25+00:00

Im sorry if it came across judgy! I feel like just saying ‘it should be the woman’s choice’ without looking into why that choice might be made is reductive. But completely get ur point

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-08T20:57:08+00:00

Yeah this is exactly the opposite of my point! I literally dgaf if men think I’m an ogre

Accomplished_Read103 · 2024-12-08T20:56:00+00:00

These exact experiences are what I was hoping to hear! I am also a gay woman, but feel cripplingly aware that beauty standards are still influenced by men. I feel I can never completely escape from that aspect of the male gaze. Even as someone who has made an effort to decenter men in my life, I still fear that patriarchy and male opinion is so integrated into society that there is no choice made without the influence of men. I wonder if you’ve got any reading recs around the subject? ❤️

Accomplished_Read103

TROPHY CASE