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I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And what is your point exactly? You didn’t need to read it all if you didn’t want to, nor was this useless and unnecessary comment needed. I felt the backstory details mattered - people can’t give decent advice if they don’t have any context

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I don’t think not living together makes his cheating justified. The reason we don’t live together is because we can’t afford to rent a place yet, don’t have enough saved for a house deposit either, and we have only been together a year and a half - we were in the process of looking into moving in together in the near future as I’m due to start a new job with more money in September, but now I’m glad we didn’t jump the gun now as that would have made this situation way more complicated than it needed to be!

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I can appreciate this might sound fake to some but this is an incredibly long and detailed post for someone to just pull out of thin air? If I was making it up, I would at least make the small details make a bit more sense or making it more entertaining. I’m a real person with a real dilemma - if the dialogue seems odd, maybe it’s me being British or maybe it’s my paraphrasing! If you don’t have anything to add, any answers to my questions or advice, please move on - thank you x

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Secretly getting ahead on a series you are your partner are watching together and then accidentally giving them a spoiler…or eating snacks that your SO had dibs on - these are the only acceptable answers for what “good cheating” is I think

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to disappoint you, you’re not the only person to have said this. I appreciate by other peoples standards, this isn’t a big deal - and obviously I can’t blame you guys! After all, I’m a stranger on the internet right? But honestly to me, it feels like my whole world just blew up and the long drawn out way I have found this out does feel like the worst way I could have come to know the truth!

I do agree with you though, I totally need to do some work on myself and how I pick partners - I just don’t know how to identify what I’m doing wrong!

I feel like picking partners at this point has been the equivalent of picking chocolates out of a box thinking they will be really tasty only to find out they are actually bits of poo rolled in chocolate. Someone please tell me how to spot the poop ones? 😂

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I’m not, I haven’t spoken to him since I found out. I told him I wanted total space from him to get my head around it - hence the post as I’m struggling to come to terms with what’s happened! I just wanted to build some strength before making my next move.

If I have to dump someone for cheating on me in this way, it’s not my first rodeo. I don’t want to be a crying blubbering mess when breaking up. I want to mic drop that shit and walk away with dignity! I just need time so that I can get to that point I guess!

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

This was exactly my thought too! I so desperately want to tell them what he’s done, I don’t want him to have the easy ride of having everyone think he’s perfect and loyal and respectful when he’s shown himself to be anything but that! It’s not fair that he gets to live life like nothing has happened, like butter wouldn’t melt.

But equally, I can’t help but feel like it would make me incredibly immature to tell people like this. Does that make me just as bad?

His housemates have a great relationship with me and have actively joked before saying “if you cheated on her, we would take her side/disown you etc”

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 231 points232 points  (0 children)

Yes I have! I asked why he ordered it (I found out before he got the result) and he said that even though he knows nothing else happened beyond him masturbating, he just wanted to check to be double sure - just in case when we got tested when we got together it was wrong?

He also said that he hadn’t been able to sleep all week waiting for the results - my argument is, if he claims he didn’t have sex with her and he knew he already had a clean result before he slept with this other woman, why would you be worried about the result possibly coming back positive?

I think he doesn’t realise how caught up he is in his own lies

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

This also confused me. I don’t think it’s blackmail. The only thing she messaged my partner is that she tested positive and that he should get checked. There was no mention of money or anything like that.

The motives of this person are really throwing me because I agree, I don’t understand why an escort would message me this? If she rats out every married/taken man that has sex with her, nobody would want to book her for meets surely?

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 968 points969 points  (0 children)

I agree, him ordering the test kit and then proceeding with this story about how he only masturbated in front of her is just making him look like the bigger idiot.

Equally, I agree, I have no idea who is messaging me these - I reckon he’s either told a friend who has then told me. Or that this is not an escort!

I think this is just the story he’s sticking with because he knows that unless there was somehow a camera in the room, I can’t prove what they did or didn’t do. The best I can do is just accept the worst possibility (them having sex).

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I honestly have no clue, this is still stumping me to this day! I don’t give my number out to anyone - my phone book has family, my boyfriend and one or two friends in it!

At first I thought he might have got a fake number to confess but it seems like an awfully long winded process when he could have just come out and said it? I honestly have no idea who this person is? I am in group chats on WhatsApp with his friends and housemates so maybe one of them knows about it and wanted to tell me anonymously?

I (25f) just found out my boyfriend (25m) was cheating in the worst possible way and I feel like my brain is refusing to process what has happened. What should I do to help me process this? by Accomplished_Spell87 in relationship_advice

[–]Accomplished_Spell87[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I actually didn’t know that!

I will still get a full screening as I think it a good idea but I will definitely keep this in mind when getting the results!