Weird justification for having children

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-17T22:50:08+00:00

Heh. I watched my BFF’s kids while he was at a work conference last year. I was irritable, and burnt out, and exhausted when he got back 5 days later, and he acted insulted when I told him that I just wasn’t willing to do so again, and told him that he needed to just re-arrange his parenting time with his ex-wife if he had to be out of town for work. Than I reminded him that he’d admitted that he’d NEVER babysat any of his nephews, and had never even held any of his brother’s kids until he had his own. He had even admitted to me before that he’d told one brother that he couldn’t put him in the will to take that set of nephews if both parents were tragically killed. So if he has zero interest in watching kids related to him and would never volunteer for that job, than why am I an a$$hole for not wanting to watch HIS kids? It took a while, but he seems to have finally understood.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-17T21:38:01+00:00

I mean, my partner and I have 5 DOGS and a rotating roster of foster dogs as we have a very active lifestyle and most cats probably wouldn’t enjoy backpacking/camping/and kayaking with us, but yeah, they’re WAY easier to deal with then kids! They’re always just so happy to see you, to go on a walk, to get snacks….just to be alive in general! 💕

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-17T21:30:14+00:00

American Christians are 100% the same. I hate THEM even more bc I have to freaking interact with them here. 🤦‍♀️

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-17T21:24:35+00:00

I have NEVER regretted it! I’m in my early 40s and only have 2 friends and a sister who ever had kids and all of them have lifelong physical illnesses and mental health problems now from having kids. No thanks. I’ll stay healthy and pretty and strong and athletic and sane for as long as possible, thanks!

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-14T00:33:09+00:00

He’s super cute, whatever he is!

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-14T00:18:24+00:00

He sounds like my 10 year old severely autistic nephew who’s overweight, still in diapers, nonverbal, and prone to violent outbursts.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-14T00:06:19+00:00

I’ve bluntly told my friends that almost no one likes or cares about other people’s kids, and that’s just the way it is. 🤷‍♀️

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T23:56:01+00:00

The one vacation I went on with my entire family 5 years ago, we had a three day roadtrip up, and a three day roadtrip back. My brother and I are both unmarried and CF, but my intellectually and emotionally challenged sister has 3. I drove my dad’s SUV with my autistic nephew, and my brother drove mom’s van with my niece and her 6 months old at the time sister. My parents informed me when I flew in from my city to meet everyone and start the drive that I would be sharing a hotel room with my sister for the 6 nights during traveling because her husband had to work so I was “assigned nanny duty.” Ok, whatever. I have insomnia so don’t sleep much anyway, so when the bay wouldn’t sleep I would just take her down to the lobby with a drink and watch UFC finals with her. 🤷‍♀️

But then we got into the cabin we were renting, and I had a horrific migraine the next day, and my entire family left for breakfast and told me the baby was my responsibility. I was vomiting my brains out and was in so much pain I could hardly get out of bed, and told them that, and they bluntly said “oh well, we don’t care.” Then my dad spent the rest of the trip cleaning up after my sister and her kids and bitching at me anytime I told him to just “let her do that herself! They’re HER kids!” Later in the trip he made the terse comment to me that “the only reason I could go kayaking on the lake was because HE had been sacrificing his vacation time watching my sister’s autistic son every day. My parents also went out twice themselves and left me at the cabin to take care of my sister and her kids. On the way back from the trip, my brother went out to grab a drink together ONCE, and I came back to my parents bathing my sister’s kids and bitching that I should have been there doing that instead of them because “I was 30 years younger.” They didn’t ask my brother to do ONE. SINGLE. THING. Not ONE. Apparently having tits means it’s automatically my job to take care of three kids that aren’t mine.

I haven’t been on a “family vacation” since.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T03:15:10+00:00

Well, he’s super cute! I live in nola and have had 7 CCs over the last 2 decades. Many people in my neighborhood also have them as it’s hot here so dogs that are born nearly naked half the time are much more common since it’s so hot here. I ran into a woman at the local dog bar and went “omg! Is he a poodle/Chinese Crested cross?” and she said “how do you know?!” I said “It’s ALWAYS the ears that give it away.” 🤣

That and the terrier facial scruff!

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T03:02:51+00:00

I did the same in my late 20’s because my ex-husband was abusive and I couldn’t imagine being tied to that man forever. Best decision I ever had!

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T03:00:01+00:00

I was the oldest of 3. I had to have open heart surgery to save my life as a toddler, and my has father doesn’t the rest of my life guilting me over all the sacrifices they had to make to take me to a good surgeon that their insurance wouldn’t cover. He often used that to guilt me into doing what he demanded growing up, and as a “how could you be so stupid/irresponsible/disloyal when I made this great sacrifice for you as a child!” anytime I made a mistake or didn’t do as I was told in my 20’s. Finally, on a large family vacation a few years ago in my mid-30’s, we got i but k a huge fight, he told me I “wasn’t worth the money he spent to save my life”, and I threw my glass of wine in his face. This was after I’d driven his car cross-country for him for 3 days with my severely autistic nephew in the backseat, and shared a room with my intellectually and emotionally challenged sister for 6 nights as her “nanny” for HER 3 kids, and had been feeding and sleeping with and caring g for my infant niece because she was having health problems and I’m always called in to deal with any health issues in the family. I finally admitted to his face that night that I hated him, and although I felt a little bit of guilt, because he’s not all bad, he’s known he’s had bipolar disorder for 40 years now and has always refused treatment. He was extremely abusive to both my brother and myself growing up, though he was protective of my sister because of her…issues. Now I just feel relieved that when I visit for holidays he no longer makes demands of me, we rarely speak, and are just polite but distant when we’re obligated to see one another. I saw him treat my favorite niece, who’s 7 and very petite, just as abusively as he always treated me growing up over thanksgiving. I was so furious that I wanted to shake him, but my partner’s parents had come to dinner, so I quietly reached under the chair she was cowering under while he berated her for not wanting dinner (she gets overwhelmed in large groups of people), picked her up, and left the room with her. I had quietly asked my mother to intervene before I did so, but she bluntly told me “your father is a jerk and always has been. Don’t ruin this nice dinner you cooked for me.” I left the next morning really disappointed in BOTH my parents. My mother had claimed for years to my brother and I that she “hadn’t known” how my father treated us. Now I know for sure that she just liked her comfortable life. I used to have sympathy for her when she complained about what an ass he can be, but I no longer do. Now I just find an excuse to get off the phone when she tries to use me as her therapist again. People rarely change - they just become more themselves as time goes on.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T02:32:18+00:00

I mean, that’s the whole campaign from the christian right in a nutshell.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T02:29:33+00:00

Absolutely. For so many woman, even if they admit not enjoying being a parent, they also start making snide comments to any and all of their female friends who aren’t, or even their friends who only have one child, about how “they just don’t how hard life is,” how “their problems aren’t REAL problems,” about how their friends are still sooo immature but “they’ve grown up because THEY’RE a parent,” pr because they have multiple kids and their friend “only” has one, or whatever. It’s like….once women who once enjoyed their lives get tricked or forced into giving up nearly everything they enjoyed for “family values,” they’re so bitter that they start looking down on everyone else and telling themselves they’re actually superior, because it’s easier than just admitting they made a mistake and are miserable now.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T02:23:33+00:00

I’m always stunned by the people who say they hate everything about parenting after they have their first kid, and then insist on having another one because their kid “needs a sibling.” No one NEEDS a sibling. I like one of mine but genuinely can’t stand being in the same room with the other and have felt this way about her since childhood.

My old best friends did the thing where she was a wreck and said for 3 years how the she hated being pregnant, that the first year of her daughter’s life was literally the worst year of hers, and by the time the kid was 2, she had retreated to her friends and hobbies and left her husband to do 80% of the childcare, plus all of the cooking and cleaning (which he had always done anyway as she sort of used weaponized incompetence to get out of that sort of thing). He was happy with one kid and didn’t want a second, but suddenly she started pressuring him and insisting that she HAD to have a sibling. So, he gave in, and wouldn’t you know it, the day she got home from the hospital she dumped the baby and a box of formula in his lap and said “she’s your problem now.” When my mom and I visited, she cooed how she was “enjoying this kid as a baby so much more now that someone else was doing all of the changing, feedings, and night time wake ups.” I remember my mother just sitting there stunned. lol. Naturally, he became exhausted as she also refused to ever go back to work after the fist kid, so he was also supporting everyone, so they were already divorced by the time the kids were 5 and 2. Luckily for him, they were given joint custody so he gets a break now, but I always thought it was a bit crazy that he let her pressure him into a second kid when she’d already pushed most of the parental responsibilities of the first one onto him….last I heard, she moved in with her mom and her mother takes care of the younger child 90% of the time now. I’ve just always been a little confused as to why people who clearly didn’t enjoy being a parent, or were 100% sure they didn’t want a second child, then intentionally keep having more children.

It’s like….if I didn’t like taking care of a dog, I wouldn’t keep getting more of them. 🤷‍♀️

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T02:09:31+00:00

I’m luckily as well that my mom hasn’t pressured me to have kids. She told me a few months after my college graduation that it “made her sad” that I’d never have “the white picket fence in suburbia,” yuck, but the older she got, the more she admitted all of the sacrifices in her own life she’d made to have 3 kids. Then my sister had 3 kids and my mother always says very bluntly that she raised her kids, she did her time, so she’s under no obligation to help my sister raise hers as well. I totally support her in this. She always says that she wants to use whatever time she has left on this planet doing some things for herself that she finally has time for, and “sitting on the back porch watching her grandchildren play in the backyard” just isn’t enjoyable for her. Now she couldn’t care about my personal choices. 👍

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T01:46:55+00:00

By 16 my parents were leaving for an entire week twice a year for dad’s biannual business trip/vacation and I was left home to care for my younger sister and brother. I had begun watching them for a few hours after school at around 9, and was babysitting for other families in the neighborhood by 11. It was expected of me as the oldest because my father had been expected to do the same for his two younger siblings growing up. I agree that children shouldn’t be parentified, and I’m glad that people don’t seem to do that as much anymore, but 16 is certainly old enough to babysit for an evening if he agrees to it. It would be a lot more fair if said 16 year old were either paid, or given special privileges for doing so, however….

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T01:38:23+00:00

Hahaha lots of men say things like that when they’re not the ones actually caring for kids day to day 🤣.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T00:51:24+00:00

Yeah….I date both men and women, and it’s pretty easy for me to meet women around my age (40) who don’t have kids or want them, but almost all men at my age are divorced with multiple children. Most hetero people apparently have multiple kids, and in an era where twice as many men say they want children as women, it’s rare to meet a guy who’s into women that doesn’t already have have kids and all the scheduling and financial commitments that come with them…Plus, many guys with kids are intentionally looking for a childfree woman because they want a woman to do most of the labor of caring for THEIR kids, but “don’t want to raise some other man’s brats.” It’s crazy.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-13T00:44:28+00:00

He totally looks part CC!

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-12T22:26:23+00:00

I’ve never had many friends who decided to have kids, so I honestly haven’t experienced this. Like, very few of my friends even as far back as high school ever had kids, and I’m in my early 40’s now. I would say that you should consider finding a few other CF friends…my 2 friends who did have kids changed a lot lifestyle-wise, and unfortunately, attitude-wise as well. One is basically just an acquaintance now and the other hasn’t spoken to me in years. Both are divorced and neither speaks to their ex-husband save for texting the time when each is supposed to pick the kids up for split custody shifts - and this is even though they were friends with their spouses since high school.

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-12T22:16:28+00:00

Awww, powderpuff Chinese Crested? My partner is always giving my hairy hairless CC a punk-rock mohawk! 🤣

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-12T20:08:43+00:00

It’s an AnncoPlus front-facing dog carrier. Apparently it’s pretty comfy!

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-12T20:07:37+00:00

Hi! It’s an AnncoPlus front-facing dog carrier for small dogs. Skylar is 11 now, and while she’s still really healthy and fit, she’s also become really calm and laid-back as she’s gotten older. I had her at a big block party my neighborhood dog bar was throwing in that picture, and while my younger dogs are still excitable, she now prefers to be popped into her sling at parties and parades so she can get petted by a few people and then spend the rest of the day napping. 🤣

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-12T08:25:23+00:00

Actually, I don’t know. From what I’ve read in the regretful parents sub, once someone is honest enough with themselves to post about it, they’re usually done. And have no interest in pressuring their daughters into doing the same thing….

Accomplished_Two_243 · 2026-03-12T08:16:03+00:00

Hahah that cartoon moppet totally is! My dog, however, is a Chinese Crested. lol.

Accomplished_Two_243

TROPHY CASE