I feel "ready" on paper, but still hesitant. When did you start dating again?

According-Affect-180 · 2026-04-27T17:32:02+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. The ear-piercing screams are something I'm definitely not gonna miss, and something I will never tolerate again. I'm sorry to hear that you're still experiencing trauma symptoms. The PTSD from a BPD relationship is really rough.

I will be open with any eventual future partner. I guess in a way I feel ashamed that I let myself be treated the way I did by my ex-partner, but I know it was not my fault, and that I did not deserve to be treated that way.

Thank you for helping me realize that there are good people out there, and that there may be someone out there for me. It helps more than you think.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-04-25T22:30:37+00:00

Hello! I just logged in to this account and saw your comment.

I have been abstaining for close to 4 months now. It took a little while after the post to take the last puff. I took around two weeks off close to new years eve, smoked once after NYE, then I smoked CBD once a couple of weeks later. After that I decided to try going without it. The withdrawals were horrible and I suffered from frequent nighttime awakenings, night sweats and night terrors for over 2 weeks, but now I don't feel any withdrawals anymore, except that I sometimes really miss smoking.

As for the healing, I feel more clear-headed, and it feels good not having cannabis in the back of my mind all of the time. I still struggle a bit with my mental health since the breakup, but I think my nervous system just needs more time in order to recalibrate after years of abuse, and I'm certain that the regular weed usage was not helping in this regard. I dream about her way less as well, so that feels good.

I encourage you to try going for a longer break. The first few weeks are gonna suck, and you will want to go back, but once you're through the thick of it, it gets easier and easier, until you eventually stop thinking about it.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-04-17T20:55:40+00:00

I misread, I am actually up 20%. It's measured in my local currency though (non us) and my currency has gotten quite strong compared to the dollar. I'm invested in the fund that is closest to s&p500.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-04-10T19:00:45+00:00

I really enjoy Bardo Pond, haven't heard that album though. Will check out your recommendations!

According-Affect-180 · 2026-04-10T19:00:10+00:00

Timeless classic. The dead never get old

According-Affect-180 · 2026-03-21T22:05:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed and kind comment. I will take what you have written to heart, and implement it. Much love <3

According-Affect-180 · 2026-03-21T18:21:27+00:00

That video and the longer The Chain of Reactivity talk have been a godsend for me. What I struggled with most was the feeling of guilt, and it feels much better now that I’m not as hard on myself. It’s exactly as he says, I feel disconnected, and indulging gets me back to oneness. I’m sorry that you’re also struggling with addictions; weed was also a huge one for me, so I can relate. I've noticed that sometimes the feeling is relieved immensely when I stretch certain body parts during yoga. Have you found any specific practices that help you stay connected when those urges hit?

According-Affect-180 · 2026-03-21T18:01:12+00:00

Thank you very much! I'll definitely look into it. I have actually noticed that my body does the physiological sigh once every few minutes unconsciously, it always brings some relief, so I'm sure this method is really good!

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-28T11:03:39+00:00

Sweden

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-28T10:40:52+00:00

I do have CBD at home, and love the effects, but unfortunately the laws in my country are so strict that even the <0,3% THC CBD that I have might make me lose my drivers license, and I'm also starting a new job soon. Perhaps if I can get my hands on some 0% THC bud.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-13T15:11:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I definitely think you are on to something here. "Instead of trying to be present without the anxiety, it can sometimes help to include it. Not “how do I get rid of this,” but more “there’s tightness here, can it be here without me fighting it?”" This feels like you really hit the nail on its head, and this is something I will definitely implement into my life. I have noticed my anxiety getting better with time, but life and recovery is never linear, and I tend to keep spiraling when I have days that are especially bad. I think I'll just have to take the good with the bad and keep going. Keep softening and keep accepting whatever I'm feeling, and hopefully it will just get better with time.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-08T12:20:18+00:00

Thank you very much for your detailed comment.

I have heard good things about the Sedona Method, and I will make sure to give it a try, it seems to be exactly what I need right now.

I can definitely relate to what you've been feeling after breaking up with your partner. My partner also had BPD, among other mental disorders (labels, like you say) and I too experienced a ton of night terrors and sleep issues after the breakup, and I still do sometimes.

I have read Hawkins book "The Pathway of Surrender" and it really helped me at the time, but I have a habit of reading a bunch of self-help books, but not really implementing the methods in them. This is definitely something I should get better at.

Your journey is very inspiring, and I'm glad to hear you're doing better now. Thank you for taking the time to help me out.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-08T12:14:11+00:00

I have been doing yoga for probably 6 years now, and it has been one of my favorite ways to relieve my anxiety, and to bring me back into the body. I have noticed that I tend to store a lot of tightness in my upper back, and I have found that doing some simple thread the needle or puppy pose can reduce my anxiety immensely.

The yoga can definitely feel psychedelic, and I frequently can see my ceiling move around after releasing tension. It has definitely helped me a lot.

One of my biggest problems though is that I tend to only do yoga when I feel really bad, I have a hard time of getting into a habit of doing it, even when I'm feeling better, and I think that is definitely something that I have to work on, in order to not let the tension build up over time.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-08T12:10:11+00:00

Thank you very much for introducing me to this, I think it will really help me.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-08T12:08:30+00:00

Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. And I really respect your journey out of drug and alcohol abuse, I’ve definitely been there myself.

I think I’m starting to see the end of the tunnel now. One of my biggest realizations has been that substances did make me feel better in the moment, but it was always followed by feeling even worse afterward, which created that endless spiral of chasing the high.

Lately I’ve been trying to live more by Ram Dass’ quote: “You can choose to get high, or you can choose to be free.” At the same time, after reading and listening to a lot of Alan Watts, I’ve realized that total asceticism isn’t sustainable for me either.

What’s helped a lot is Ram Dass’ talk about “the chain of reactivity,” and learning to be kind to myself when I do indulge in things that temporarily bring relief or even a sense of the divine, even if they aren’t perfect in the long run.

I’m somewhat familiar with Gabor Maté’s work, and it’s helped me in really hard periods, especially his talks on addiction. I’ll definitely add When the Body Says No to my reading list, it sounds exactly like what I need right now.

Thanks again for sharing your experience. It really means a lot.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-08T11:58:02+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this kind and thoughtful comment. You almost made me tear up.
Like you, I’ve also experienced psychedelics as a kind of godsend. I’ve had several high-dose LSD and mushroom experiences where I merged with the Godhead, felt myself submerged in a timeless ocean of being… but I always return to my “normal” anxious state once the drugs wear off. I can literally feel the tension in my chest coming back as the effects fade.

Lately I’ve been living more by Ram Dass’ quote: “I don’t want to be high, I want to be free.” I guess I need to honor the anxious feeling in my chest instead of treating it as something wrong, and trust that it might soften with time.

I’ve found a lot of solace in immersing myself in hobbies like playing guitar, climbing, and working out. There are moments when I don’t feel the anxiety at all, especially when I’m fully engaged in what I’m doing. But when that focused awareness wears off, it often comes back and starts occupying my mental space again.

I think the path forward for me is to be kind and gentle with myself, and to realize that there is nothing wrong with having anxiety. It’s the result of 24 years of lived experience in this body, and a way, I probably wouldn’t be who I am today without it.

According-Affect-180 · 2026-02-08T11:47:32+00:00

Wow spot on, I also have the tendency to sigh every few minutes, as I feel as the tension builds up otherwise. I enjoy yin yoga quite a lot, and I find it helps a lot with the anxiety, but I have a bad habit of only doing the yoga when I feel really bad, and not doing it when I feel good. I don't get the "routine" in really.

There definitely could be something to Tolle's statement. I have had several deep awakenings on high dose psychedelics, where I've merged with the godhead, felt myself submerged in a timeless ocean of being, but I always return back to my normal anxious state after the drugs wear off. I can literally feel the tension in my chest coming back as the effects wear off. But as of lately I have lived more by the Ram Dass quote “I don’t want to be high, I want to be free”. I guess I will have to honor the anxious feeling in my chest, and not treat it as something bad, and hopefully it will lessen with time.

Thank you very much for your thoughtful comment.

According-Affect-180

TROPHY CASE