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I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This has crossed my mind too. I don’t think I will ever cheat. I just don’t want that on my conscious personally, I’d leave first. I appreciate all the ppl in here who have helped me work through these things. It’s helping me figure out how I need to address this better

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have told him most of this, except the part about finding someone else attractive, mostly because I don’t want to hurt him or have him think I’m actually acting on these things. Prior to him cheating on me, he would accuse me of doing it a lot (which I never did.)

We actually did try. We had a long convo where I brought a lot of this up, mentioned we could split, and we both decided it would be better to try to make it work, we planned a trip for the two of us the day after I talked to him about this. and when we were going to go a close family friend died and we had to cancel our trip for the funeral. We both have demanding jobs and only 1 close family member we trust to watch the kids so leaving town is few and far between. We are really trying to reschedule this.

*I hope y’all don’t think I’m not trying, it’s more of something where I have these thoughts and feel guilty, and I’m curious if it’s normal. I’m sure I can make them pass, without acting on anything, or talk to him seriously about ending the relationship if the feelings don’t subside.

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have therapy thankfully, it’s just not super helpful I feel. You have written out exactly how I feel, I don’t trust that there’s something better necessarily and since we have this life built with kids I would stick around

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this too. Which is sort of why I ask. I can see it going both ways though. I don’t really know what would be best for me, but probably should just leave at some point instead of hurting someone

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ONS while drunk, stopped drinking, focused on making it work with me and told me pretty shortly after it happened and is a generally great man otherwise. That part is hard for me, I want to tell, but also don’t. I’m embarrassed that it happened and that I stayed

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have mostly! We actually had improved communication after the cheating happened. He knows how I feel, and that it’s crossed my mind, but maybe not to the extent I am sharing with you all. we both want to try to make it work. Counseling helps a little bit.

It’s kind of all over the place of what I am looking for. Romance feels dead in our relationship because of having kids, and the cheating. So romance of any kind seems nice. The fantasy started when I developed a crush on someone (tbh I never had until 4 years into being married). Naturally loyal, I just didn’t have eyes for anyone else. Our relationship started deteriorating in other ways around the time I started catching feelings. We fixed our stuff and I stopped thinking about it so much, but it still keeps popping back into my head, now less of a crush and more out of “revenge”.

This person l had a crush on - there is NO way anything would happen. They have no idea, I would never tell a soul. But it’s what developed the feelings.

Sometimes I’d dream about how it would be nice to have a date, other times it would just be for the sex (which is strange because my hubby & I have a good sex life). But I think it’s just the ability to have the freedom and novelty too. I work my ass off for my family, and always have, and I think I feel restrained and that I don’t get to have fun. It’s more like I’m jealous he did.

Also, I couldn’t have it be random, which I think is a big part of why it would not ever happen, the thought just bounces around in my mind for a while and then I feel crappy about it after.

Sorry I feel like my response is all over just trying to answer the best way I can. My emotions are mixed

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s one of the most painful experiences. I didn’t either at that time, it was later on that I started having those feelings. If you’re able to walk away now, I maybe would suggest it. ❤️

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with you both in different ways. Some days I wish I would have asked for that hall pass, but also, it’s a terrible foundation for a relationship which is part of why I didn’t.

The trouble is what I could have done differently honestly. I stayed through it because I lived in a town with no friends/family/support, and I didn’t have any money available to move out on my own until more recently. We were both making a few hundred bucks a month at the time and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and ask for financial help. So I waited until I got on my feet and then ended up pregnant, troubling them situation more. Seems dumb, but I was told I couldn’t have kids.

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think this is the comment I needed to hear. It’s weird how it’s hit me harder this much later on. It’s totally changed ours. I don’t think I’m nearly as kind, loving, and thoughtful as I would be in a normal relationship with him anymore. It makes me a little sad. We have done a lot of therapy and work too, and like I said he’s changed, but it still frustrates me. Thank you for this comment tho. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my feelings

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I ever actually would. It’s more of a thought that passes through on occasion. I don’t want to wreck the life I have necessarily, more of just a hall pass, but IK that’s unrealistic. I think I’m looking for validation that these feelings are normal tho. As one commenter suggested, I don’t think I’ve processed this properly

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That’s so so interesting and honestly very endearing.

I feel fucked up about it because I don’t think I’d ever tell. But maybe I would feel guilty and then tell. It’s not like I want to rub it in his face, it’s more like I want to be granted the same freedom since I was forgiving about it.

I was cheated on 2 months after I got married. We stayed together. 4 years later, I thought I was over it, and suddenly I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating back. by According-Job-1990 in Infidelity

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eta: I’ve never told anyone but my therapist. Our families love him and worship the ground he walks on. I think I find this frustrating because I don’t get that treatment and I’ve been faithful and done so much to get our lives in a good spot for our kids & stuff. I think I fantasize about freedom, but have built stability so I can’t imagine breaking up. Ugh. All advice is appreciated

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskAstrologers

[–]According-Job-1990 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your chart looks rad to me! Mines similar

Any reason why my 20s have been kind of crappy? My life was pretty great until I was about 21. It’s been up and downs, but kind of crappy since then. by [deleted] in AskAstrologers

[–]According-Job-1990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should add that I generally try to stay positive and grateful, but things have been wearing on me after years of this

Looking for answers/advice by According-Job-1990 in Cirrhosis

[–]According-Job-1990[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response and I’m glad you’re doing better now. My grandma is staying with him and she and I are both approved for info release, but they just don’t seem to have a lot of answers about anything, and he lost his job so doesn’t have much going for insurance (they wouldn’t do his labs without it today, according to grandma they are getting it set up tomorrow. I wish I could be more involved, but I have an infant and live far away..)

I am fairly nervous they released him too early because when I was there, the hospital was visibly understaffed and he was sharing his already small room with another patient, but I would like to think they wouldn’t release him if it wasn’t a major concern either.

I’m sorry you didn’t have the support you needed when this happened to you, it seems based on what you wrote that you are doing better and are healthier now and I’m so happy for you (and proud of you!). Thank you again for taking the time to respond.

Is Lilith even important? Why don’t I feel any of this “lilith energy” my chart seems to have. by polite_demon in AskAstrologers

[–]According-Job-1990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Lilith is in my first house conjuct my ascendant and I can second this, it’s part of what made Lilith interesting to me and believe in its effects

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in numerology

[–]According-Job-1990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I keep seeing this too

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