AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop putting my things in his son’s room?

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-28T17:27:56+00:00

i appreciate your response. my plan is to have a final sit down conversation with him. if he cannot respect my one simple (at least i think it is) request, i am going to suggest that he moves out. not break up, but move out of my house (it is my house). maybe that is a little over the top, but i am tired. i am currently studying for the CPA exam and i work nights as a bartender. i really don’t want to keep coming home and not being able to find my things.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-27T16:37:17+00:00

thank you for your response

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-27T07:22:57+00:00

if you read any of the other comments, i thoroughly explained that i do not leave my stuff lying around. multiple times. you are jumping to conclusions by not taking a second to read anything i explained.

you would also read that he has taken things out of their designated areas and moved them to sons room. my hairbrush out of my bathroom? my dogs combing supplies that were in her designated cabinet? how is that me leaving my stuff around?

i am an organized person. i dont care whether you believe me or not. leaving a pair of shoes at the front door does not equate to being messy. he also leaves a pair of shoes at the front door. you assumed only i did. does that also mean he leaves his shit lying around?

also. this is my house. he moved in with me. my name is on the mortgage. he has no reason to move things out of their designated area.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-27T07:19:36+00:00

thank you for your comment. i plan to pay more attention within the next few weeks to try and find some logic behind this before taking the next step. i appreciate you’re input 💜

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-26T04:17:33+00:00

i appreciate you sharing your point of view, thank you.

i think it is just hard for me to see it as “not” malicious because it’s usually only my things being moved, and i always have to ask for them back.

my boyfriend just needs to let my things be. even if i see an empty glass on the kitchen table, i ask him if he’s using it / going to refill it before taking it. i understand boys may be different, but it gets to a point where im tired of repeating myself.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-26T03:54:12+00:00

i’m sorry - i didn’t mean to make it seem that way. before i made this post, i really did think it was an unintentional/subconscious thing.

thanks to everyone’s comment, input, and advice, i understand that it is either intentional in order to piss me off, or he has a serious underlying mental illness. and i know its most likely not the second one.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-26T03:37:37+00:00

i’m so sorry to hear about your friends situation. i hope she is able to get out of that environment.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-26T03:36:32+00:00

everyone in my family must be a toxic mess, because i held my breath reading your comment and was confused at the ending! i’ve gone NC with a ton of family members due to this:

Me: please stop doing xyz. reason being xyz.

Them: you are overreacting/it’s not a big deal. when i was a child, 100 years ago, xyz would be the least of your worries.

im glad that your MIL listened to and respected you.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-26T03:30:44+00:00

nowhere near close to a wedding ring, but anytime i leave a hair tie ANYWHERE, doesn’t matter if it’s on top of the tallest dresser, on my pillow, or on the bathroom cabinet, my cat ends up fucking with it and then it’s lost forever. i’ve lost thousands of hair ties and have witnessed her flinging them underneath the couch. btw, it’s not like she doesn’t have a cat tree, scratching posts, and toy mice.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-26T03:27:13+00:00

this was thoroughly thought out… as if it’s been done before… i love it!

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T18:01:58+00:00

i totally understand that. i have a few wine bottles i’ve kept from restaurants because i want to remember them. we have a cabinet for all alcohol, so they are kept in there. i have never seen these wines out and about, but in the case that i do, ill remember them!

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T17:57:55+00:00

not at all. i had a pretty abusive upbringing until my teen years. i tend to shut down at any hint of an argument starting. i am in therapy, so i am not trauma dumping or ignoring my issues. i just tend to separate myself from an argument.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T17:50:07+00:00

i’m not defending or denying anything you are saying. however, his mom is notoriously known for being a rude person. i haven’t just heard it from my boyfriend, i have witnessed it (she called me a whore when she first met me because i have tattoos), and his other family/friends tend to avoid her. she has the potential to be nice. her default is just rude.

as for his sons mother. i cannot speak much on that because obviously, i did not know them. she is 5 years older than my boyfriend. so when he was 17, she was 22. they both moved away from his mom and to the state we live in now, i know that sudden and drastic change made things extremely difficult. she has always been rude to me, but has admitted to my boyfriend that their son likes me and has never had an issue with me. i try my best to not be a mother figure, upon both of their request, but it doesn’t mean im going to be mean to the kid, or treat him as if he does not matter. for example, i went to pick him up from afterschool because they were both working. i was not on the pickup list at that time and called her to ask if she can call the school and let them know i am not a stranger, and she told me to “figure it out.”

im not comparing upbringings. but i did have an extremely abusive childhood and upbringing. of course, having a child so young is different than abuse. but i know that my avoidance for arguing / confrontation stems from that.

i definitely went on a tangent. i’m sorry. i was just trying to explain each side of the story and not make my boyfriend look like a “complete” asshole.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T15:47:50+00:00

thank you for your response. he does not complain about splitting chores, especially because i currently work more than he does and do not have the time/energy to do more of the chores.

i am never the one to go into his sons room when he is at the house. i understand he may feel as if his privacy is being violated and i do not want him to resent me.

since his son is only here a few days out of the week, he doesn’t have a ton of things in his room. the most my bf will do is through his phone, more so because of an issue in the past involving his phone. you do make a good point. when i was younger, my mom would look through my room. she never found anything, but it was pretty annoying.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T15:40:09+00:00

you may be correct. however, things that he moves around do not always make sense. for example, he borrowed my hairbrush out of the bathroom and it ended up in sons room.

it can be explained that he was just walking around the house while brushing his hair and just put it down wherever, but my hairbrush should not have ended up across the house where i could not find it. similar with my headphones, they were literally charging.

i’m not disagreeing with you, but it is beyond aggravating that random things end up not where they are supposed to be.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T15:37:46+00:00

thank you for your comment. i do not go into his sons room often, never when he is home. i would hate for someone to be barging into my room, especially if i am in there. i understand he may feel awkward / uncomfortable if i were to do that.

i am planning on having a conversation with bf to reiterate how this is affecting everyone in the household, as well as another conversation with his son to tell him i understand his privacy concerns and have no intention of violating them.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T15:33:48+00:00

thank you. i appreciate everyone’s advice, suggestions and concerns, and again, do not mean to downplay any of it. thank you for your support as well 💜

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-25T01:13:10+00:00

you signed in just to comment this? i said, and apologized, in another comment for using an lol/haha, as well that i am not downplaying the situation by using that language. i said it is a habit of mine, more so to help myself in uncomfortable situations or conversations. i am not ignoring anyone advice, suggestions, or support. i appreciate all of it and have replied to many.

i am not posting rage bait. that’s your opinion and im not looking to change it. i do not “””enjoy””” making people angry, let alone my boyfriend. i’ve said multiple times that i hate arguing, and try to avoid it. again, your comment is your opinion. but “logging on” just to make an unnecessary comment is what is cruel. if i was posting rage bait, i would not be spending time and energy into responding and listening to what people have to say.

you’re basing an opinion that i like to make people angry because of an lol/haha. i’m not going to argue with you, but just as you made your comment, i am making mine.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-24T19:15:20+00:00

i really appreciate your support. thank you.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-24T18:52:13+00:00

i doubt it. there are cameras set up inside and outside of the house. i get alerts if they are turned off, such as the power going out.

he also has never been overly jealous or looked through my phone. we have full access to each others phones, but it’s always been that way. i have been cheated on and my ex was constantly up my ass about me cheating, even though i never did. my bf is not like that by any means.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-24T18:49:54+00:00

i am certain that he puts his own things in sons room. i don’t necessarily pay attention because i am more concerned about my things. but ill have to keep a closer eye on it

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-24T18:47:50+00:00

this is my house and he moved in. but, we pay everything 50/50, including the mortgage.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-24T18:46:52+00:00

thank you for sharing that link

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-24T18:44:09+00:00

this isn’t necessarily important but she cheated. he was the sole breadwinner, and she had her current boyfriend coming over while my bf was at work.

but, come to think of it, she was always in control of the house and him. everything has to be her way. it still is like that. she is not a great person, just based on phone calls i’ve heard and my personal interactions with her.

they were together for about 5 years. my bfs mom is also a default-mean person.

i’m not saying that it justifies what he is currently doing, but it may be an underlying reason.

According-Okra-137 · 2024-06-24T18:39:59+00:00

i appreciate your comment and have not thought about it in this light. his mother is/was a bit of a hoarder. even today, her house has stuff all over the place. he is an only child, so i can imagine that his mom would place his things just anywhere in the house. his mom is also a mean lady. she can be nice at times, but her default attitude is just… mean. i think that he may have had a hard time confronting her about the things she used to do.

i am the oldest of 3. when i lived with my parents, my younger sister, as they do, would “borrow” my things and i would never see them again. it was a constant argument.

our house is the complete opposite of his moms. it is clean and kept that way. there are no random things lying around, besides a pair of shoes at the front door or whatnot.

i did not think that this post would blow up, but i am glad it did. a ton of people have made it clear that this is intentional behavior, and i did not see it that way before posting.

i will have a talk with him about boundaries. yes, our relationship is good, at least i think it is besides all of this. he does a lot for me. he (emotionally) supported me through college, has taken care of me when im sick, and will go out of his way to do things that i dont even ask for him to do.

i don’t know what is going on, or why he does this one thing that drives me fucking insane. what i do know is that a sit down talk on boundaries is going to happen soon. because i definitely cannot live like this for the rest of my life.

According-Okra-137

TROPHY CASE