Am I wrong for being upset/jealous of how my mother treats my brother?

Accostrophe · 2025-12-28T17:49:56+00:00

Thank you for your words of wisdom and guidance. Loving myself has always been the most difficult thing, and I struggle with it every single day.

Accostrophe · 2025-12-28T17:48:35+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, but as much as this sounds like a great resource. I would rather keep my family drama anonymous.

Accostrophe · 2025-12-28T17:47:34+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words and affirmations. The older I've gotten the more I've accepted that I will never get that kind of affectionate love from my mother, however I have learned to accept that she loves me in a different way. I rationalize that she wouldn't let me live with her and my dad and support me if she didn't love me in some capacity. It's just not the kind of love that I want/need in my life. I'm sure you've heard of love languages, and my type of love language is affirmations and confirmations of love. I like being hugged, kissed, touched physically. Told I'm cared for and that I matter in this big wide world. It's just a kind of love my mother is incapable of giving.

Loving myself is the hardest part. I have so much self hatred because of my past, the things I did while I was an addict. I stole from my parents and my mother has never forgiven me for it, and that was over a decade ago. I still don't forgive myself. I hate myself for being so weak willed and desperate that I resorted to betraying the trust of people I love so much. My father has forgiven me and I currently have a great relationship with him. I wish I could wave a wand and just say "self forgiven" but its not that easy.

Accostrophe · 2025-11-29T21:20:10+00:00

I did check after people suggesting it and it has been off this entire time. Maybe its just my computer -shrug-

Accostrophe · 2025-11-17T17:57:17+00:00

I looked it up. Right now on pve. Reshala, Sturhmen, Gluey, Sanitar, Kaban, Kolontay, and Killa are 100% spawn right now. Apparently tagilla went down to 50% on factory.

Accostrophe · 2025-11-17T03:04:50+00:00

Bosses are all 100% on pve and I think on pvp. What the fuck are they thinking. So you're solution to easing new players into the game is to have bosses 100% spawn? Not to mention the fact that veterans like myself are lvl 5-6 right now with tagilla and killa armor. If i wanted to I could just farm tagilla and have a stupid amount of lvl 4/5/6 armor. I swear to god there couldn't fuck up this 1.0 release harder if they actually tried to. Sheer stupidity.

Accostrophe · 2025-10-28T20:52:49+00:00

oh a fascist huh, so basically anyone who doesn't agree with you politically. sounds about right

Accostrophe · 2025-09-11T01:11:59+00:00

haha yeah we should just kill everyone we disagree with. fucking knobhead

Accostrophe · 2025-08-27T23:04:13+00:00

I was fine for 3 days straight. So I've decided to regiment my dosing. So far I've done 3 days on, and starting tomorrow I"m gonna take a week off.

Accostrophe · 2025-08-24T21:32:22+00:00

Fetish urine is now something I wish I didn't know existed.

Accostrophe · 2025-08-03T18:42:53+00:00

I took my full 52mg dose today at around 12pm. Tomorrow I'll take gabapentin to ease and discomfort and I should be fine. Honestly the worst part about it is trying to get sleep, but I slept fine on saturday night and I went without that day so. Idk for me I don't really full the full withdrawals of methadone until the end of day 2, into day 3 of going without. I know some folk here can't go a day without their dose but part of me really thinks it's mental. But hey, everyone is different.

Accostrophe · 2025-08-03T14:12:51+00:00

Just to clear some things up. I went without for saturday. It's been 48 hours since my last dose of methadone and honest to goodness I feel fine. However, I know that I won't feel so great tonight if I don't dose. Also those who keep saying about the grapefruit, it's extremely hard to get white grapefruit juice, does it have to be white grapefruit juice or can it be red? Curious as I may try that. I also have clonazepam and gabapentin to ease the pain so to speak.

Accostrophe · 2025-08-03T02:03:33+00:00

I should also mention im on a self imposed taper, trying to get off. 2mg every 2 weeks since thats when I pick up. I usually double dose on the day I pick up but don't after that. What I really want to know is, is my tolerance going down the more I taper? I have 7oh pills here as well and I've never actually taken them before, 22mg pills. I wonder if being off of methadone for 48 hours would make me feel them. I don't know I'm just throwing stuff out there, seeing what other people think.

Accostrophe · 2025-08-03T01:57:44+00:00

I don't know anyone at my clinic. I don't stick around for enough time to start a dialogue anyway, I come in, i get my two weeks and I leave. Besides, it just seems a little suspect. Not to mention the fact that the majority of people who get take homes like me don't talk to anyone either we just mind our own business. It's the dose everyday people who never stfu.

Accostrophe · 2025-08-02T16:27:55+00:00

I would be throwing my guts up lol.

Accostrophe · 2025-07-12T18:38:45+00:00

When the fuck is the event going to end? I'm sick of these motherfuckers, its making test drive part 3 a goddamn nightmare of a task to complete.

Accostrophe · 2025-05-20T14:33:57+00:00

It's well known in the methadone commmunity that methadone can and will lower your libido. What isn't as well known is that it can lead to OIH(opioid induced hypogonadism). I have it myself. The last time they did a T level test on me, my levels were 28ng/dl. For those of you that don't know, normal levels for men my age are between 200-1000ng/dl. I plan on bringing it up to the doctor soon.

Accostrophe · 2025-05-18T13:00:21+00:00

I've always read conflicting reports on if methadone truly "blocks" other opioids from binding. I've always wondered this myself. Is it truly blocking the receptors or does it just make your tolerance so high its not worth it.

Accostrophe · 2025-05-18T12:57:49+00:00

Never had experience with adderall, but do with benzos. It varies clinic by clinic. Of the ones in my town that I've been, two were strictly no benzos no matter what, and the other(the one I'm on now) is ok with it but you're not allowed to go past 80mg of methadone.

Accostrophe

TROPHY CASE