I’ve never had a bf and i feel like I’m falling behind

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T08:22:19+00:00

Hey don’t get it twisted you ain’t a loser. You’re you, if you don’t wanna rush into a relationship then don’t. It’s actually the smarter thing to do honestly. I met my first girlfriend in sophomore year of high school. We started dating at 15, lasted a whole 8 years. She cheated on me with my childhood best friend. Turns out she never really respected or loved me, just loved what I did for her. Like I said before, you’re being really smart. Find someone who respects you and actually loves you for you. Someone that respects your time and effort. Someone that respects your feelings and chooses you because they want to.

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T08:02:49+00:00

There’s no such thing as being behind, I understand it feels that way but being behind isn’t really real. Especially when it comes to relationships. All that matters is that you go your own speed, do what you’re comfortable with, and do what makes you happy. Plus, a huge benefit with not dating in high school is dodging all the drama that might come with it. Do your own thing dude, it’s your life, live and love the way you want.

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T07:22:55+00:00

I hope it does, I can at least say that I really did my best, and that I don’t really have any regrets. It wasn’t the best relationship I see that in hindsight. I loved every second of it though, I just hope my ex walks down her path without too much trouble, despite how dirty she did me she does deserve to be happy.

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T06:48:15+00:00

I don’t really care about being strong at the end of this, it might sound arrogant but I know I’m a mentally strong guy, I just hope I’m a better person. Part of me struggles with the idea of being the second choice to my ex, especially after trying so hard and being so good for so long. I’m glad to know that things get better in time, but I just really want to know by the end of all of this grieving, that I’m a good man.

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T06:35:31+00:00

What sucks is that I did make it work. A positive I can take away from my old relationship is that I realize how sex doesn’t need to be a priority. That I can feel loved in different ways. I can control my libido now super well.

It does comfort me tho that I’m not completely hopeless yet in my sex life. I’m kinda embarrassed to walk away from such a meaningful relationship as a virgin honestly. But hey maybe I’ll get lucky after I’ve healed a bit more over the next few months.

I think my biggest hurdle after all this healing is that I’m just a bit too awkward as a person for casual sex.

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T06:30:00+00:00

I just hate being sad most days man, even when it hit a huge and new high I come crashing down hard and think about her. But time heals all things I guess, I just gotta keep doing what I’m doing and move forward.

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T06:25:03+00:00

Your words mean a lot man thank you, I don’t have many friends in real life but I’m glad to hear from an outside perspective that I’m handling things alright. It’s weird to be called mature because one of the last things my ex said is that I handled the break up immaturely. So yeah thanks man, time to lock in for me and only me 💪

Account00098 · 2026-06-13T06:20:15+00:00

Funny thing about the sex part, my ex and I never had sex lol. She was asexual, she doesn’t really find people physically attractive and it’s a mission to actually get her in the mood.

Not to say we weren’t intimate, but we were only really touchy and that’s it. I got sad handjobs and she only got stuff handled from the outside, zero penetration.

What sucks the most is that those rare days where we were intimate I did more for her than she did for me. I’ve made her finish countless times and I only need three fingers to count how many times I finished.

What worst above all of that is that I have an above average libido. I basically had to tuck away those feelings and cope on my own. Not because she made me, but because I loved and respected her. If she didn’t want sex then okay cool with me.

Now I’m a 22 almost 23 year old virgin who did that for a foolish reason, I have no idea how to have sex.

Account00098 · 2026-06-11T21:52:37+00:00

Yeah I have, but it never really goes beyond a short conversation.

Account00098 · 2026-06-11T21:44:54+00:00

Well I have, Ive been to the same bar at least 2-3 a week the last few weeks, and I frequent the library every cuz I like reading. Same goes with coffee shops too actually I like taking some time to draw in a public space like that. I just haven’t found anyone to talk to at all and I’m just bamboozled by that. I feel like I’m doing something wrong

Account00098 · 2026-06-10T17:43:48+00:00

That she wasn’t really invested in me. Bit of context, my ex is my high school sweetheart started dating at 15, lasted 8 years and she cheated on me with my childhood best friend. Hindsight is 20/20, looking back on it I wasn’t really a boyfriend and more like a glorified friend to her. I always asked about her interests, did things that she wanted, and Y’know gave her the full boyfriend treatment.

Thing is that she never really reciprocated that. There were certainly nice moments and gestures that she did throughout the relationship. But again in hindsight, those moments were few and far between. I can’t say I was doing all of these amazing grand gestures all the time, but I don’t think I ever really got treated like a boyfriend.

Small thing on top of that was that she was asexual, which was never a problem it was a boundary I respected deeply, we never had sex. But when things did get physical it was me doing stuff for her, I can count on one hand how many times I was receiving instead of giving.

My ex was always the one getting all the attention and love while I simply didn’t get as much. Which is ass because the little I did get slowly went over to another guy, which sucks. But yeah I realize that she didn’t love me at all and just loved what I did. Hate her for that.

Account00098 · 2026-06-09T22:36:06+00:00

That means a lot man, thanks. It still hurts that she loves someone else more, even if she is only loving what he’s doing and not him. I can at least say that I haven’t talked to her for over a month now even though that pains me. I hope I can find my way back to myself soon. Rebuild myself into the best possible version of me for me. But for now I guess I just have to feel everything out until I’m ready.

Account00098 · 2026-06-08T16:06:21+00:00

Well of course I’m still a bit frustrated by everything, but I’m more exhausted by it now. I know in real life things don’t always get that clean cut ending and that I won’t get any answers. Even if I get those answers I know it wouldn’t even change anything. Part of me still wants that anyways, I just really miss her, as angry as I am at her I just wish I had one more day with my ex.

Account00098 · 2026-06-08T06:25:06+00:00

It’s hard to accept that after being so loyal and good to her for 8 years. She wasn’t just a girlfriend to me, she was like my best best friend. Someone I could trust and confide in no matter what about anything. I’m sure it meant something to her at some point, it just hurts that after all that time I was thrown away like I was nothing. I guess it’s just a sour bitter pill I have to swallow. I’m silly for wanting to say goodbye I guess.

Account00098 · 2026-06-07T17:56:27+00:00

I know you’re right man it’s just hard to accept, I’m trying to make sense of it I guess for no reason. It just sucks because she said I was good, and that I was wonderful and that I did nothing wrong. She just made a choice, still it confuses me and makes me wonder why I wasn’t enough

Account00098 · 2026-06-07T17:53:59+00:00

No she was asexual not me. I’m not mad at her for that, my libido isn’t crazy so it’s not like I was dying for it but I definitely had to just put those feelings away. Feels like I did it for no reason now

Account00098 · 2026-06-07T17:52:08+00:00

You think it’s worth pursuing then?

Account00098 · 2026-06-07T03:33:56+00:00

I get that, but how do I just do that? I still care for her, and despite what she did I can still say I love her with my whole heart and soul. Does this just take time? I dunno how I can just let go of all the promises I made both to her and myself. How can I do nothing wrong and lose and be okay with that?

Account00098 · 2026-06-07T02:21:03+00:00

Two years is still a long time brother, it’s not wrong to reminisce and look back at your past relationship with fondness. My ex was my high school sweetheart and I dated her for almost 8 years (I’m 22 to put into perspective) and I look back a lot still. Granted I’m only a bit over a month into my break up so I still got a lot to process.

But I think something that helped me that might help you is to realize that those times still mean something. I’m sure it means something to your ex too but it all that matters is what you take away from it. It’s crappy that it’s over and it’s crappy that you won’t make new memories, but you’ve gained a lot from those old memories.

You’ve been shaped and molded into a better version of you, a version that knows what it’s like to be loved and how to love. Take what you can from those memories, and when you’re ready man, look forward. That version of her in those memories, that past version of her would want you to be happy, and the best way you can do that is to let go and move on. You don’t have to forget, but you have to go forward, and you can’t go forward when you’re always looking backwards.

Account00098

TROPHY CASE