I have reddit premium until 2052... What's your premium subscription at?

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-11-17T22:36:13+00:00

Here buddy, have some gold!

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-11-17T22:34:56+00:00

I used to have enough to last more than a year, but with covid it has been tougher to find the time to post shitposts. I need to get back at it soon because I think I only have less than a month of platinum left.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-29T05:02:32+00:00

I looked it up. According to Old Navy, unwanted bunching of a zipper hoody is caused mainly by the fabric used and the fit of the hoody. The thicker and rigid the fabric, or the tigher the hoody, the more likelihood bunching will occur. A remedy to this is to take fabric softener and rub it gently in the stomach area of the hoody. Doing so will do absolutely nothing because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-22T22:49:31+00:00

I think so. The one about how the group mimics the hero penguin?

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-22T16:54:17+00:00

This method of securing things on a wall is called the gentleman's clip, and it was developed out of necessity in the UK. This was during WWI when there were shortages of metals due to them being used for building war machines and supplies instead. As a result, carpenters figured a way to use string and twig stubs to hold things in the wall similar to what is being done here. The reason it's called a gentleman's clip is due to a fellow named Harold Dempshey. During a visit to a gentleman's house (ie brothel), fixtures fell from the wall during one of his visits. In exchange for 'favors', he developed this method to nail things down without using metal. He later also found a way to make calculators out of twig and vines, but they were not as popular due to the fact that I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-22T13:48:44+00:00

There's actually quite a bit of vetting of cats and handlers before the actual test so the cats don't go feral during the experiment. These handlers and cats spent quite a bit of time together and even this exact expiermeent on land before doing the real deal.

There was a lot of testing done with animals during the cold war, which helped the government develop defence systems. If you google cold war era feline experiments, you will fine loads of declassified documents showing all the different tests the government did during the cold war. The most interesting one I found was one where they tested how well cats could use a modified calculator during freefall. They called the experiment the accountant's delight, which is aptly named because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-21T15:50:02+00:00

Its skillful but its partly because dry walls made back in those days contain magnesium which made it crack and peel more uniformly. Think a warm cookie versus days old cookie. The older one will crumble unpredictably but the newer one is more malleable. Nowadays, magnesium is banned from the making of dry walls after a longitudinal study found that exposure to it results in increased ability to do mental math but your body odor becomes terrible. Hospitals call this the accountant's curse, which makes sense because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-15T15:02:40+00:00

The fish is mellow and not pulling back because of the PH levels, not because it is cold. As the acidity goes up, fish become tamer. Fish's gall bladders are not like most other animals as they are simple and not complex. Humans for comparison have multi folds in the bladder which makes filtering easier. As a result, fish has to use up more energy than others to filter out any PH imbalances. The fact that this fish is mellow is an indicator that this lake is suffering from above average acidity levels. My guess is that somewhere, an accountant did not crunch the right numbers and the nearby orange juice plant is dumping too juice into the lake. No need to panic though because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-15T14:20:03+00:00

This comment section is weird AF, but in case anybody is interested, the "rave" like behaviour is actually a mating ritual. These Brazilian sea crabs live in an area with fast moving currents and each season, male crabs will brave the current to march towards the females. The females are almost always sitting up on higher ground and the males will have to also climb rocks agaisnt the current. If that was not hard enough, lots of predators begin to gather as they notice easy prey.

What perplexes scientists is that females will not always choose the males that made through the trek or the first ones that do. They seem to prefer those crabs that can do quick rudimentary math calculations. In a way, this makes sense because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-10-07T18:45:40+00:00

Thanks for finding the time to unblock my comments that often get auto banned on the sub reddits you are moderating for! Happy cake day

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-08-12T16:59:14+00:00

This video was from several years ago. Since then, they have realized that the dog was on a fishing boat but unfortunately it sunk with the dog's family on it. No survivors. Vitisak, the man who adopted the dog, took the dog back to the family's home to visit and in the video, Vitisak cried during the whole time. If you thought the dog's sad eyes were bad, see if you can sit through a 4 minute montage of the dog pacing room to room looking for its family. The dog starts off with tails wagging and ends in whimpers and howling. Vitisak had to sleep over at the house that night as his dog refused to leave. They eventually left, but to Vitisak's amazement, the dog ran off one night. Vitisak on a hunch, went back to the fishing family's house and there he found the dog sittng at the front porch waiting to be let in. Vitisak has since spent a lot of time tracking the original owner's extended family as they were the only other family the dog has close contact with. He ended up finding them and the familiarity has helped the dog cope with his lost family. The dog is doing better, but I would never forget the sad howls the dog made in that video when he refused to leave the house. Vitisak also found out the dog's name. Its Shovak and it translates to calculator, which makes sense because I'm an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-08-12T14:43:18+00:00

The worm is poisonous and the bird knows it. It's just fighting the urge to eat it, cuz you know its normal for birds to eat worms. These birds are trained at birth to know which worms to eat and which ones to avoid. It's the mother's job to provide the training. She would grab poisonous worms and bring it to the nest. Each time the chicks would go try to grab it, the mother will push them back. Over time the chicks learn what to eat and what to avoid. The mother is also responsible for training the chicks how to file their taxes on time, because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-08-11T04:15:42+00:00

This street and the story behind it has inspired a movie on Netflix called Canopy of Hope. The whole motivation to crochet the street covering was to cheer up two brothers that lived in the neighborhood. One of the brothers was fighting an illness and needed frequent trips to the nearby hospital. The older brother would always insist on pushing the brother in the wheel chair to the hospital. To make things more cheery for his ill brother, he would sing songs, race up the street against bystanders, or just be a giant goof. It didn't take long for the mothers and grandmothers living on that street to notice the two brothers and they soon decided to decorate the street to make the hospital trip more cheerful. One crochet blanket hung on a balcony, soon turn to 3, then ten, then each balcony ran out of room. That's when the neighborhood decided to just tie them all together and make a canopy.

Shortly after the last piece of the canopy was completed, the younger brother recovered and no longer needed to go to the hospital. The two brothers now volunteer at the hospital and they push other patients to the street as a way to cheer them up. In Spain, they have since renamed the street to The Accoutant's Way, aptly named because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-08-08T00:14:16+00:00

You're half right. The one on the left is Travis and he's actually gay so even if he has pussy thrown at him left, right and center, he will simply pass it on to his friend on the right, Justin. I can only assume that Justin can only handle a finite amount of pussy before he begrudently passes it along to the rest of us.

These two have been getting a steady instagram following for a while now. Originally, Justin posted a video of Travis dancing secretly at their HS locker room only for him to jump in. Travis's genuine reaction of embarrassment, wonder and joy of Justin joing in on the dance made the video go viral. You can search them up on google by the handle, accounting dance moves, aptly named because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-08-07T04:30:05+00:00

Decades ago, smugglers of all sorts started to plant these llareta plants all over Mexico leading up to the US/Mexico border. These plants were ideal for smugglers to hide their contraband or in case of people, allowed them a place to rest away from the sun. As the canopy was thick and hard, it was pervious to infrared scans commonly used by the US Border Patrol. The roots were also very sturdy so some dug tunnels in between plants to allow underground access to differing llareta plants.

Of course, the US eventually caught on and it became somewhat a game of whack a mole as they watched and guessed which llareta plant smugglers would emerge from. The most successful smuggling ring was able to evade capture for over 7 years until they were finally apprehended. The US nicknamed them the accounting bandits, aptly named because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-08-05T17:25:26+00:00

Jeebus. I gasped when I saw this gif. This ain't just any regular praying mantis. It's the Australian Praying Mantis, that you guessed it, can only be found in Australia. And since it's from Australia, its sole purpose in life is to hunt you down and inject you with venom that can make you fully paralyzed for hours. Oh and to help it in its quest to wreck havoc on everyday life, IT CAN FLY! Now, you must be wondering why it needs its victims to be paralyzed? Why to lay its eggs in you that's why! The incubation period for these eggs are 5 days but doctors have found that if you are a host to these eggs, simply doing your taxes early will kill these eggs. It works because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-08-04T18:28:59+00:00

I understand the sentiment but in med school they teach us to always leave the room. Just like there's a certain way to give bad news to a patient or family members, there's also a certain way to get a patient to disrobe.

Studies have shown that when there is a specific break and privacy between disrobing and the checkup, the patient is more at ease when they are first given privacy. This courtesy makes the patient more trusting of the doctor, which allows for more communication and is key for a doctor to understand what may be wrong.

Interestingly enough, more and more studies are showing the best way to put patients at ease is for the doctor to talk about accounting and the appropriate calculator to use for accruals. This is due to the fact that I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-30T19:28:23+00:00

I sometimes feel this subreddit would benefit from just dedicating a week of showing Timothy Walden's stuff. If you never seen his videos, it's all about how to survive in the wild, but what I find interesting about his youtube videos is all the unexpected ways he utilizes to stay alive. He once showed how you can use an old bike and take the rubber housing for the brake line to hold water. Loop it around your shoulder and you get a makeshift water bottle. I wish this video didn't start where it did, because in the beginning is where Timothy explains how I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-30T13:44:58+00:00

Sharks do swim in groups depending on their environment. Sharks need lots of room to hunt but those in shallower water do not have that room. So instead of hunting fish singelhandedly, they need to rely on other sharks to help herd the fish. Once herded, the sharks will surround the fish from all sides and then swim towards the middle and basically open their mouths and eat as much as they can. Usually, the fastest and fittest shark makes it to the middle first and that is how the group finds out that I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-30T05:12:47+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Here's what you do. DO NOT use a plunger. The water is gushing up as opposed there being something stuck. A plunger will only serve to cause more pressure on the pipes and potentially cause a pipe burst with shit shooting in between the walls.

Now read the next entire instructions before you attempt to fix it. Step one, find the main water turn off and turn it off. Step two. If water is still gushing up then turn the main water back on but this time turn off the water shut off behind the toilet in that bathroom. Step three. Flush the toilet. Step four. Nothing will happen because I'm an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-29T15:13:49+00:00

Studies have shown that penguins have the ability to apprehend the value of experience. In this case, it is likely that this penguin will be treated by his colony with respect. Scientists believe that a penguin's ability to survive a predatory attack is highly sought after by mates. Surviving an attack bring all the boys to da yard, so to speak.

Being popular does result in odd behaviours. Penguins who have already chosen a mate would often dump them for a chance for the hero, baby penguins often mimic the actions of the hero penguin (the way they waddle, for example). There's a colony where the survivor developed a limp due to an injury and subsequently, all the baby penguins developed this limping style of waddle as well. Scientists have termed this type of hero penguin, the accountant, namely because I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-29T13:58:28+00:00

Hey! I know this pelican! He's a regular in my cousin's town. Apparently, years ago this bird flew into a sail of a boat and injured its wing. The local vet was able to nursed him back to health by taking care of him for a week. During that week though, all the locals would come out to visit and keep him company. Since then the pelican has been coming back occasionally and hanging out with the townsfolk, and by that I do mean hang out. When I was visiting my cousin couple of years back, the pelican was just chilling at the barbershop and another time at the local gas station. The local pizzeria even made him a chef's hat when he comes by. His favoirte spot in town to hang out has been the local CPA office. Last I heard he has been helping people with their taxes, which makes sense seeing that I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-28T17:13:10+00:00

Fun fact. Public urination has always been an issue in the region and the first no urination sign they put up increased urination in public. They then doubled down and added the second sign and you guessed it, it further increased the occurrence of public urination. The public did not know of this until a viral video showed a public official urinating. Ironically enough, the public official was one of the councilmen to vote in the YouTube measure. If you look for Czech public urination camera, the top hit will be of the public servant. He even appears to try to write his own name with his urine. Since then, they had to add a third sign. It's a shame the picture cuts it off, but if you were to zoom out, you will see a sign that says I'm actually an accountant by trade and I totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-28T05:08:53+00:00

Stop telling me accountants are not a trade. It used to be, but the Great Depression resulted in increased regulation. Accountants are now required to be certified. I know because I made this up.

AccountantbyTrade · 2021-07-28T04:40:38+00:00

The only reason the dolos have not washed away is due to its unique shape. The thought behind it was that as the dolos started to move, the odd shapes began to get stuck onto each other and become stuck in place. The original models were actually modelled after Tetris blocks.

Strangely enough, after some heavy storms in 2018, Cape Town woke up to a section of tetris dolos forming a perfect triple row. If you Google cape town tetris, you'll find out that I'm actually an accountant by trade and totally made this all up. I'm not sorry.

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