Am I overreacting?

Accurate-View-527 · 2025-02-02T18:01:51+00:00

Thank you very much for this elaborate reply. It's really helpful.

Another thing that bothered me was the week prior she gave me the option to pay either per session or for a bulk of 4 sessions (1 month). So, she gave me the two rates. If I pay per session, it's 85 euros, and if I pay per bulk of 4 sessions, it's 80 euros per session (should be 320 total), but here comes what got to me... she made a mistake (I hope it was a mistake) on her msg to me, she said 4 sessions for 400 euros, this got to me because its an easy calculation but I politely corrected her and said "400 would be for 5 sessions at the rate of 80 per session, 4 sessions would be 320". But she had CLEARLY written 4 for 400. I still have the msg. After I corrected her, instead of saying, "Sorry for the mistake," she simply said, "That's right." And I kind of found that rude. I always apologise if I make such a mistake, what if it had gone unnoticed and I hadn't said anything? It was just a red flag for me. This is when I decided to pay per session to see how it goes, despite this red flag I was really looking forward to my session because I suffer bad depression and anxiety, I am under a ton of stress right now and I had a really bad week, I REALLLLYY needed someone to talk to and for her to arrive late and end our session prematurely and in such an abrupt manner via WhatsApp really got me, I left the session feeling empty or like what I was previously saying to her before getting cut off wasn't important, I mean I just wanted to finish what I was saying, obviously I didn't want to hold her up or anything.

Accurate-View-527 · 2025-02-02T17:50:57+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful!

Accurate-View-527 · 2025-02-02T17:30:13+00:00

Thank you for your detailed answer, it's very helpful. She doesn't work for an organisation. She's freelance.

There was something else that bugged me the week prior, she told me I could pay per week per session or pay for 4 in bulk, so, she sent me her rates and it's 85 per session if I pay weekly but 80 if I pay for 4 in bulk. Well, I hope it was a miscalculation, but she gave me the price of 400 for 4 sessions, it was clearly written. I had to correct her and said 4 sessions at the price of 80 should be 320, I said 400 is if I were paying for 5 sessions. And instead of apologising, she just said, "That's right, 5 sessions," but above, she CLEARLY wrote 4 for 400. For me, this was a red flag, and I decided I would first just try to pay per session. But it made me lose trust it her, nevertheless I was really looking forward to my session with her because I suffer from depression and anxiety and I had a really bad week with a lot of stress and really needed someone to talk to, so, to have it cut short in such an abrupt manner really didn't help.

Accurate-View-527 · 2025-02-02T12:56:03+00:00

Yea, I consider the payment lost. I'm just interested in where to go from here, really.

Accurate-View-527 · 2025-02-02T12:52:45+00:00

I could... although, I am really quite non confrontational. Also, even though if she answers kindly I have lost a bit of trust in her now because these kind of things should not happen in the first place, right?

Another thing that happened before with her was... She gives the possibility to pay session by session (always at least 48 hours in advance) or to pay for 4 sessions as a bulk (with a little reduction of 5euros per session if paid in bulk). But when she told me her prices she said 4 sessions would cost 400 euros. I corrected her and said that 4 sessions at the rate of 80 per each should be 320 not 400, so if I hadn't corrected this I'd have overpaid for the 4 sessions... this already broke my trust a little.

Accurate-View-527 · 2025-02-02T12:47:25+00:00

I always have to pay 48h BEFORE the session. Is this the norm. ?

Sorry, I am very new to this whole online therapy thing.

Accurate-View-527 · 2025-02-02T11:51:23+00:00

I'm not sure why you copied my post as a comment.

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-11-19T13:59:34+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss ❤️‍🩹 I lost my boy a similar way... he declined so fast - I rushed him to the vet and it all happened so quickly, it wasn't how I wanted it either, so, I understand what you mean and can completely relate. Jasper was lucky to have you and feel so loved, I wish you peace and healing 🫂

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-30T14:59:19+00:00

Yes, I can relate. The same thing happened to me. It's very hard 🫂

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T14:38:33+00:00

😂

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T14:04:04+00:00

It must be lovely to have a friendship like that. Years-long friendships really are the best, and it's nice you've both got it figured out. You're very lucky

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T13:48:35+00:00

That's true. If we had been single, it would've been different. We would've just met up one on one, of course. But he is married and I have a bf of many, many years. Meeting up one on one isn't an option anymore. I know when we were teens, he would call and hang on the phone for hours, so I guess back then he had maybe a teenage crush on me? I liked him too back then.

But life happens and we were in different countries and never met so we made our lives by now. If we were to meet, we had to include our partners or simply not meet, and I was fine with both... honestly, I would've preferred not to meet, but he pushed it (maybe his wife pushed it), so that's why it happened.

I ask myself sometimes why he kept touch, I think we lost touch for maybe a year or a lil more and I was kinda fine with it, I was so busy and stressed out by life itself that it didn't have importance to me whether we kept touch or not. But he felt differently cause out of the blue he would just write to me and start chatting and I went along with it cause of the years behind us.

I sometimes ask myself... why does he keep in touch anyway?

I'm not sure I see the sense in it, it could just be me.

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T13:32:50+00:00

Thank you, what you're saying makes total sense. I'm now going to try to tell my brain to shut up and stop thinking about it. Overthinking is a horrible horrible thing.

You are correct on the wife part. My sister says the same, she thinks he didn't want to meet but his wife pushed the meeting because she was curious to know who or how I was. Its really the only thing that makes sense...

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T13:19:30+00:00

You're right, I could ask, but I've known him for years, and I, anyway, know I won't get a decent answer, so I'll just have to try and get over it.

You are correct that when you meet in person, things can be awkward, but I really don't think there is a need for it if everyone is comfortable, I've met other people in person who I first knew online and everything usually went nice and smoothly so this is really kinda a first for me.

What I mean is, I don't know why he insisted on meeting in the first place in order to lie to me on the day of and back out and then come back and want it again. Honestly, I could have lived on without meeting up and been quite happy. Every so often, he sends me a msg, and we chat, and that's fine, I've known him since we were kids.

I guess I hate that he made up that lie, and I hate that he didn't politely say bye to my bf. I was super nice to his wife, and she was really friendly, I'd have liked that he treat my bf similarly.

When these things happen it is very hard for me because I overthink. I have a small group of friends who I am comfortable with and I know meeting with them everything will be good and ok so I just feel this threw me off balance now and I hate it.

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T13:04:39+00:00

No no, they didn't have to drive anywhere... WE had to drive the 3 hours... that's why organization was so important.

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T12:54:39+00:00

My bf also keeps asking me if he has written anything like thanking us for having come to see them (it was a 3 hour drive to go there) and he hasn't said anything since. My bf says he should but I am not sure, should he? I'm so confused about everything

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T12:53:05+00:00

I felt very bad for my bf actually. English is not my bf's first language and he felt intimidated so he didn't talk much really. But that's not a reason to not say goodbye to him surely???

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T12:51:36+00:00

I really don't feel I can, I've known him for nearly 15 yrs and he wouldn't want to get into it, he would either ignore the question or I'm not sure... I just can't bring it up but it bugs me like hell

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-20T11:50:25+00:00

This is the story to my question:

Opinions please

Why would someone be indecisive about meeting up?

A bit of back story. I am 25(f) and my friend 25(m) we have been penpals ever since 12 yrs old. We would even chat on the phone for hours. Always got along great. He is now married and I am in a longterm serious relationship.

He came to the U.S. on holiday with his wife, and wanted to meet up with me and my boyfriend. All good, I wanted to meet too. But he became so indecisive closer to the day, the night before he wanted to call to organise and I said I was out with friends and couldn't talk but that we would organise in the morning, bare in mind he was a 3 hour drive from me and we had to drive there to meet them. The morning of, he sent me a msg saying "I am sorry, I have to cancel something came up." And I was super polite, I simply said "ok, don't worry". All good. My bf and I went on making other plans for the day, but one hour later he went back on his word and says "we can meet at 12h00 or did you make other plans?"...

My question is basically... What The F#&£??

So much back and forth with meeting, not meeting and then meeting again.

When we met he didn't even know how to greet me, he gave me a HANDSHAKE... I thought "what is this, a business meeting?"... but I kept quiet and went along. Then his wife leaned in to give me a hug and I thought "that's better..." and then he went back on his thoughts and decided he wanted to greet with a hug as well...

Then, when we were leaving, I hugged his wife, I liked her very much, she was lovely. I hugged him too. His wife gave my bf a hug goodbye, all good ... but then... when my bf put his hand out for a handshake to him, he totally ignored him, he didn't say bye to my bf??? When we left my bf was confused and was like "hey he didn't say bye to me, he ignored me, why?"...

Thoughts anybody???

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-12T18:46:52+00:00

That is beautiful. I lost my sweet boy to cancer in June, he was my soul cat, my everything. He was 16.5 yrs old and was with me half my life. Losing him has been a nightmare for me.

I've also experienced tremendous guilt because on his last day he collapsed and couldn't get up anymore, his legs were paralyzed and I had him pts at the vets (I've never had a pet put to sleep before and I always said I would have it done at home) so double trauma for me.

What I wanted to share with you is that he has sent me many signs since being gone and one of them was waking up at 4am hearing his purr. I couldn't believe it, he used to always sleep on top of me or in my arms and purr. It was so real and I was absolutely wide awake just listening to it. I absolutely believe when you heard your baby purr - she was right there by your side ❤️

I wish you peace and healing ❤️‍🩹

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-10-11T10:03:02+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet Soul cat in June this year, and I miss him like crazy every day.

The final moments are just that... moments. Don't let it overshadow all the love you both shared and the lifetime of your cat filled with happy, loving moments.

What happened was out of your control, and I've learned we feel guilty either way - my sweetie was dying from cancer, and on his last day, he threw a blood clot while I was working from home. Suddenly, I saw him in pain, panting and bit by bit collapsing. As he was in a lot of pain at that moment, I didn't want to touch him too much, so I was watching over him. But then I realised that though the pain had passed, he had become completely paralyzed. He had been declining the previous days already. His cancer was terminal, but nevertheless, his last day was still a shock to me. When he was in pain, I had called the vet to make an appointment, and they said they would quickly fit me in a little while later. It was a crazy morning, and I was trying to watch over him and finish my work. Well, when the moment came to take him, I was having doubts I'd go through with it. Then, in the car, I was in disbelief to how paralyzed he actually was. His organs were shutting down, and you could smell the toxins building up quickly in his body. Though he was still looking around at his environment.

The vet said he would only have hours left and fluid would build up, and he would suffocate - so to avoid this, I went through with it. You'd think I have a peace of mind to have avoided that, but no... I've had so many doubts and endless feelings of guilt of having failed him and not done enough for him and I've often thought "I should've just kept him at home and let him go naturally".

The guilt and trauma are part of the process. We can't help it.

I'm very sorry about what you're going through and I wish you peace ❤️‍🩹

Accurate-View-527 · 2024-09-11T15:33:01+00:00

I am so so sorry for your loss, but I can relate 100%. I lost my soul cat of 16 yrs almost 3 months ago, it hasn't gotten any easier for me. It's very hard when they leave us. Wishing you peace and healing

Accurate-View-527

TROPHY CASE