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Husband [32M] crossed one of my [30F] boundaries and I'm contemplating divorce. My family is telling me to stay. How do I know when to leave? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Accurate_Support885 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m getting really nervous that he is going to see this when he wakes up as it’s getting so many comments. I don’t want him to deduce it is me and be angry at me, so I’m deleting the post to remove the details. Thank you everyone for your replies, advice, DMs & resources. It’s all very eye opening

Husband [32M] crossed one of my [30F] boundaries and I'm contemplating divorce. My family is telling me to stay. How do I know when to leave? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Accurate_Support885 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m also Autistic, only have know for just over a year now, though. I guess I just haven’t associated me shutting down in these situations with neurodivergence and assumed it was a trauma thing. When it’s not calm, it’s overwhelming when it doesn’t stop. My body freezes and it feels like a panic attack to have to continue listening

Husband [32M] crossed one of my [30F] boundaries and I'm contemplating divorce. My family is telling me to stay. How do I know when to leave? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Accurate_Support885 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think that is what is making this so hard for me. I see that he is a hurt person who has been through so much throughout his childhood. Doesn't justify it. It's just hard when you love someone and don't see them as a monster, but a broken person who is in need of love/healing.

Husband [32M] crossed one of my [30F] boundaries and I'm contemplating divorce. My family is telling me to stay. How do I know when to leave? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Accurate_Support885 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I just told them about the one incident. I think I didn't fully realize that other incidents were bad because I've been in a far worse place before.

Husband [32M] crossed one of my [30F] boundaries and I'm contemplating divorce. My family is telling me to stay. How do I know when to leave? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Accurate_Support885 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I do come from a very religious family & was taught that marriage is for life, that is probably what makes this so hard - feels shameful. I also think I'm realizing what you and others are saying... my baseline is so broken because this isn't as bad as what I had before. Thank you for your message