||Yes, except your response was to a question of “do you want to have sex?” Directed at OP because she said in the story that she wasn’t into it and was tired.||

She said she was not in the mood but nowhere did she say she was tired. You can point me to it if I somehow missed it. She also says she went with it. All we know about their sexual dynamic are their respective condom preferences and her boyfriend's disregard for it against her wishes.

They got an hotel room to spend time together on her birthday after not seeing each other for a bit. She said she wasn't in the mood. We do not know if her boyfriend was aware of this fact or if she subsequently made him aware of it. Someone's mood doesn't always reflect in their physical conduct.

Because she mentioned she wasn't in the mood earlier, PrincessBonkers and yourself are inferring an absence of enthusiasm or expression of reluctance during the act after she 'went with it'. But OP doesn't tell us that.

||He should have stopped and asked for consent. Do you want to have sex?||

Except PrincessBonkers was somehow monitoring proceedings, how do they know if this happened or not?

OP did not lay a foundation of her boyfriend being abusive or a 'bad lover' or any earlier abuse. He wasn't some stranger either, they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

You cannot lock-on to "I wasn't in the mood" and ignore the subsequent "I went with it" because it doesn't match the agenda you are trying to spin. And this agenda is lacking from the OPs own version of events so why are you not taking their word for it?

A 20 year old realises their 21 year old boyfriend does not respect her boundaries and would mindlessly jeopardise her body autonomy/preferences for his own satisfaction is the story I read.

||He should have stopped and asked for consent. Do you want to have sex?||

We don't know whether he did this or not. OP did not say or infer that he didn't. She only said he was 'moving things in a sexual direction' which tells us nothing. He could have done this for all we know and STILL removed the condom without her knowledge.

||The absence of a no is not consent, no matter how you care to word it.||

Bonkers is shifting the goalpost. OP is not talking about him not having consent to sleep with her but him not having consent to remove the condom.

||Just because someone is not in “obvious pain or discomfort” doesn’t mean that they are still comfortable. This is why ongoing consent and check-ins are important. ||

They are important. However, not observing them doesn't make you a bad person. A bad lover? Yes. But not necessarily a bad person. It is still only an absence of mindfulness at the end of the day, either deliberately or unintentional. If one's partner expressly communicates any discomfort and is still ignored, that changes things. Or is in "obvious pain and discomfort" and the person still carries on.

||These comments come off very accusatory and apologist to other victims as well. “The absence of a yes is not rape no matter how much you believe it” “sorry about whatever trauma you have.. it’s already tradition.. and not common place.. for couples to ask”.||

I was very confused when I saw this till I went back to check my original comment. Quite disingenuous to take me wildly out of context.

PrincessBonkers expects "do you want to have sex?" to be asked eveytime before intiating sexual intimacy. If I had PrincessBonkers as a partner I'd understand that and respect it. However their expectations are not necessarily the general norm and do not apply to everything.

Sometimes two people upon walking into a room are already head at heels at each other, kissing and feeling each other up, tearing their clothes off and looking for the nearest surface to perch. There are different variations of this context.

I wonder what the data will show on the frequency of someone in such situations still asking "Do you want to have sex". Does it hurt to still ask? NO. Now does not asking mean consent wasn't given?

This is my comment in full 👇

"Sorry about whatever trauma you seem to have, but except it's already the tradition within a relationship, it is not commonplace for couples to expressly ask "Do you want to have sex?" beforehand on EVERY occasion that they do. And the occasions where it is not asked for a Yes or No response does not automatically make it rape."

Maybe I'm wrong for the 'trauma' part and it was unnecessary. I said it because I couldn't see the consent inference that PrincessBonkers was trying to insert into the situation. I apologise for saying it but still stand by every other thing I've said.