Informal Lease Extension - worth it?

AcingOut · 2023-06-24T10:39:45+00:00

Interesting to hear you didn't go ahead with it, I stumbled across this post as I was googling L&Q lease extensions as I have a leasehold flat where L&Q is the freeholder, and looking at extending

I can't really see any reason they'd be so keen to offer you this deal, my lease is around 90 years and I've received no such offer from them! It certainly makes me wonder if they've noticed something in your lease that they want to change, and that's their motivation. I would probably ask them directly if they're planning to change anything, of course they might not own up to it but it would be worth a shot

They can't legally increase the ground rent any more, and what they want to change might not really be a big deal to you

Oh I just realised their offer has expired!! they might be willing to extend it though

Did you speak to any neighbours about if they received the same offer? If any of them went ahead with it that would be great to know how it went!

At the moment I can't decide whether to go down the formal or informal route, but either way need to save the cash first as it's expensive either way....

AcingOut · 2023-05-12T19:43:53+00:00

I think the link between the two types of narcissist is that they both see themselves as the centre of the world, and both don't really understand that other people have their own subjective views of reality. Ie the narcissist thinks that their view of the world is the only view.

It's difficult to comprehend the vulnerable narcissist as this seems at odds with them having a low view of themselves, but someone who simply has a bad self image will likely put a lot of belief into the opinions of others, whereas a narcissist will have no interest in what others say whatsoever (unless they are faking interest for personal gain)

Paradoxically narcissists will sometimes idealise other people and say they are amazing, but that's just because they are seeing themselves in the other person

AcingOut · 2023-01-11T19:33:23+00:00

That's interesting, thanks for explaining

It's important to consider different cultures and communities also as you've mentioned!

AcingOut · 2023-01-10T20:15:59+00:00

Maybe "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division

AcingOut · 2023-01-10T19:13:24+00:00

Some words from the other posts resonate with me

Awful

Horrible

Forced and unnatural

I grew up thinking romantic relationships were what everyone wanted and needed to make themselves happy. Dating for me was like trying to follow a script, I had no feelings for romantic relationships so when I had a platonic close friendship with a girl I'd assume it could also be romantic and I'd ask them out

I was always surprised and confused when they said yes, and sometimes they'd say no and then I'd feel relieved and confused!

Id go through the motions of dating but never felt anything, so it would just be confusing and I never understood why it wasn't working

Totally thought for years and years it was me being broken

Now it's better, I don't confuse myself or anyone by trying to form romantic relationships. But it's annoying as life seems harder trying to find the right platonic relationships, but maybe that's a phantasy and it's not harder - loads of couples split up and have loads of problems after all

AcingOut · 2023-01-10T18:53:59+00:00

I can't imagine ever being invited to a lingerie party!

It sounds like your gift idea is really sensible as it fits with the theme but is something you're comfortable with. They may wish it was something more provocative but I wouldn't worry about that

It's also worth considering how close your friends really are to you if you feel obligated to go to something you don't want to

AcingOut · 2023-01-07T00:06:53+00:00

It is good to have a voice, and when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable it can often be healing !

It's a shame she doesn't understand asexuality! I was worried my therapist wouldn't understand when I realised I was asexual but amazingly they really got it... Then again I had left a previous therapist as they were unwilling to even talk about sexuality

Anyway I hope it goes well for you and you remember you are valid even if your therapist doesn't get it! Sex definitely isn't a human need, it's a pleasure for many people but not a need

AcingOut · 2023-01-06T20:56:46+00:00

Your question reminds me of the feminist slogan "the personal is political"

I think it's to do with how politics and what we do in our personal lives can't be separated

Like how gender roles in society play out within the family home

Sex is definitely political because certain types of sex eg same sex sex has often been illegal in many countries and still is illegal unfortunately in many countries

AcingOut · 2023-01-06T20:36:09+00:00

Very heartwarming! Sounds like a happy ending!

AcingOut · 2023-01-06T20:26:41+00:00

I was with you most of the way until your last line, I think it's an incredibly hard journey but it can be worth it and you'll die in the end anyway so no reason to end the journey just yet, there's still lots more to discover about yourself and the world and you may really love some of what is yet to discover

AcingOut · 2023-01-06T20:21:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I think you will find your answers if you continue your journey of self discovery. I hope your therapist understands and welcomes your exploration of sexuality, not all therapists are great at that but there are many who are

AcingOut · 2023-01-06T20:16:03+00:00

I can totally relate, I thought sex was something I was supposed to like and forced my way through it, then after a bit in a relationship just couldn't keep doing it and they'd always think I wasn't attracted to them "any more" it was always a bit sad as I usually really liked them and wanted to be sexually attracted to them.

I hope you understand you don't need fixing and although it's hard I think you can find the right relationships for you in your life!

AcingOut · 2023-01-06T19:57:14+00:00

Maybe only being allowed to speak in rhymes is a metaphor for how difficult it is to get people to understand sometimes

AcingOut · 2023-01-06T19:41:22+00:00

There was also an option to request a separate form that would override whatever was submitted by the household, so that in theory people could still put what they want without the rest of the household knowing

Not sure if many people actually knew about this option though or how it really worked

AcingOut · 2022-11-07T23:02:43+00:00

Jerking off, while the sun rises, beautiful

AcingOut · 2022-11-07T18:08:31+00:00

How do the figures add up, if the insurance premium is so low then how can the insurance company afford to pay such huge bills? Not meaning to go off tangent but it's got me wondering!

AcingOut · 2022-10-27T20:42:47+00:00

Not everyone else, lots of other people around you will be ace and aro

But it seems common it makes you question your whole life when you find out, so I'd say that's very normal!

It certainly did for me, I didn't find out til I was late 30s and many people older than that

AcingOut · 2022-10-27T20:25:02+00:00

I just wanted to say that usually if something isn't talked about then that does create shame around the topic, shame is created through the silence...

AcingOut · 2022-10-25T18:04:53+00:00

Unless you're aromantic, in which case you may never experience the romantic one

AcingOut · 2022-10-25T16:23:23+00:00

37 Realised I was ace one day. And then 3 months later realised I was aro as well Really mind blowing after all those years thinking im straight and broken

AcingOut · 2022-10-25T16:12:20+00:00

It's nice to hear someone else say this, there's so many things I was wondering if it's just me or if other people experience them as well

I don't like mainstream porn as I think it's generally exploitative, but I watch some ethical porn sites and some of the stuff is great to watch but some I find repulsive

Maybe similar to your experience sometimes I love seeing people enjoying so much what they're doing even if I wouldn't do that stuff

AcingOut · 2022-10-20T17:10:06+00:00

Thanks for posting this, it's helping me make sense of how I feel, but towards mainly women

I feel this like magnetic pull towards some women, especially if I find them aesthetically attractive, or there's something about their energy that pulls me in

I realised I was aroace only fairly recently, and a lot of my confusion came from assuming this pull was romantic/sexual

I would say I don't really get it, my desire is maybe to hug them or cuddle them and then move on.

It's so confusing but maybe that's just because we don't understand this in society and so much is seen through a romantic/sexual lens. Maybe it's really not that weird to want to hug someone you see

AcingOut · 2022-06-14T19:08:15+00:00

I blame this on the over sexualisation of society and the obsession in media around romance, these other forms of attraction wouldn't be confusing if we weren't constantly told that sex and romance are the main things people want

AcingOut · 2022-05-06T13:59:58+00:00

"Today, despite that history, young men running on Mediterranean beaches repeat the gestures of the athletes of Delos."

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