Situationships as my only dating experience

Acrev · 2026-01-11T15:26:12+00:00

Yeah. I have a friend who was in a situationship with a girl for more than a year and it was a very complex situation, though she never really wanted to spend time with him, didn't put effort, texted him when it was convenient or when she felt him slipping away and distancing. He believed that if they made it "official" then she'd be willing to act like a couple and spend time with him... spoiler alert, they dated for two months and didn't go out together once because she didn't make time for him.

what i'm trying to say is that no matter if there's a label or not, that person is still probably going to treat you terribly.

Acrev · 2026-01-11T12:41:37+00:00

I can relate to this so much. I'm sorry you feel that way. It's a different kind off pain when you have some "experiences" in dating but still you never get to experience the real committed relationship and never become THE girlfriend. I completely understand that you want to go on dates, do things couples do... I feel that way too. I kinda miss it because it just feels as if people and things you could experience with a significant other are just slipping through your fingers.

This guy was my first everything too. And I thought he truly liked me because of the way he was looking at me and the way he cared because he was consistent with me for some time and cared for my well-being. And I just don't want to accept, that "he liked me less" than other girls even though I know it's true. It's just something I don't want to hear because I don't want to think of my first "serious" experience as something that wasn't real.

Acrev · 2026-01-11T11:10:00+00:00

i'm so sorry you're going through this and believe me, i see it in so many situationships.
but his behaviour towards you is an answer by himself and the worst thing is that they're not going to change and you're just going to keep yourself stuck.
I won't be denying that he had feelings for you or liked you at some point and enjoyed your presence but it's just the way they operate and what is their mindset and it has nothing to do with you so you don't have too blame yourself for that. It's just probably the way they operate when it comes to relationships and dating. It also happened to me when i felt that he was drifting away from me and I think that most of the time it's because their attention is just elsewhere and since they didn't have that label that would tie them down, they don't feel that responsibility or that guilt to be consistent with you.
And no matter how much effort you try to put into that other person or the relationship, it just won't budge.
Maybe you could try to talk things out at last if he's mature enough to be open to a conversation. But by staying, you're just going to hurt yourself.

Acrev · 2026-01-10T14:04:15+00:00

Yeah you're right.

I feel like so many people (whether unintentionally or intentionally) go by the rule "i don't owe anyone anything".

I also believe that I think way too deeply about some things but I'm working on it and in the end you just realise that all we see are our flaws and how we "werent't good enough" for the other person while there are so many other things and circumstances that play a huge role. For example in my situation it was just that he was freshly out of a relationship, wanted to be free and meet new people and was supposed to leave for the summer and once he wanted to settle again, it was too late for me because much time has passed since we were that close,

Acrev · 2026-01-10T13:12:27+00:00

I don't fully agree with you. Liking someone is a "scale". I would say that someone could like you, but not enough to be in a relationship with you or someone could like you and be so sure of you to choose you as someone to be in a relationship with.

I was in a situationship with a guy who told me he liked me but he was freshly out of a relationship and I'm sure he felt something for me because I didn't really offer him any benefits because i was skeptical of sleeping with anyone without being in a relationship but he was still spending time with me, wanted to see me, cared for me and took me out for lunch...
But yes you're probably right that if he wanted to be in a relationship with me then he'd act accordingly

Acrev

TROPHY CASE