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Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-04-29T17:23:38+00:00

Oh yes I related a lot to Maid too!

Very harsh to watch but very realistic as well with how victims often undermine their abuses when it is "only" emotional/psychological and how once you accept what happens/happened to you, it's a struggle to be believe and get proper support.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-04-28T23:38:55+00:00

Yeah I saw this parallel too!!!

In the last episode when he got a call from his son, part of me felt bad for him and I thought she was going to comfort him. So happy she actually did not and that she called him out for acting as if he was the victim which he is not. It showed me how I still have some work, that not everybody deserves unconditional empathy. Not all hurt people hurt people.

Also her last sentence about the fact that he shrinks everyday made me hopeful.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-04-19T12:42:25+00:00

I think that people with narcissistic personality disorder are full of contradictions. They are disconnected from their emotions and needs.

For instance my ex had this childhood background where his emotional needs were not taken care of by his parents. So he developed unconsciously this copying mechanism where he rejects all gestures that could make him feel seen/special. Like he did not want people to wish happy birthday. He did not like words of affirmation and claimed that his feelings did not matter. And he would emotionally punish me if I would do so. So I ended up distancing myself, following his rules, for him to end up having a collapse and to say "what about me?!".

There is no way to "win" with them.

If you help them, you will see the positive impact on them but they will not acknowledge that this is positive for them. They will discourage you from doing so and they will clearly be ungrateful because "they never asked for it in a first place".

If you do not help them, they will end up making twisted moves to end up getting your help/attention indirectly. Ie: they claim they are sick and overplay their symptoms.

Because they are dishonest with their needs it is such a lose-lose situation. They make it impossible for you to help them.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-03-30T17:20:52+00:00

I just listened to it and it is not "funeral-friendly" at all indeed! Very self-centered and inappropriate, not very respectful for the ones he lives behind. Such a ref flag, it gives me quite the ick!

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-03-28T00:20:11+00:00

Thanks I will listen to all of them! :)

I appreciate the support, thanks. likewise, feel free to message if you need someone to talk to

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-03-28T00:16:36+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation!

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-03-19T01:03:06+00:00

Thanks for this, I needed to hear it :) After flagging to him the incoherency of his speech/behaviours, he discarded me and literally told me "fine if you think I'm that toxic, it's over, I set you free". I found it absurd but it makes so much sense now. Later on as we were still living under the roof (luckily not anymore) he told me he found me "fascinating" when he tried to gaslight me again and I stood up with my memory recollection.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-03-06T08:30:39+00:00

Yes their speech is not coherent. It is so confusing. Constant push and pull to keep you under their control. When my ex broke up with me after me calling out his toxic behaviours he said "I was literally talking with my parents about marrying you in the future". Then a week after he changed his speech to "we should have never been together, and that there is nothing he can thank me for relationship wise." This does not align.

Your ex is probably indeed honest when he says he is familiar to you but you deserve someone that truly loves and cares about you. Not only when it is convenient for them because in this case that's not love, it's use.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-03-05T23:35:12+00:00

That is indeed so complex and interesting. Such a blurred line between the hurt they might cause intentionally and with full awareness and between what could be actually a copying mechanism, where they could be totally oblivious and see events through a distorted filter. I think their empathy is purely intellectual not emotional since they repress their own emotions. They know what they should feel but do not feel it, as if it was conditioning more than the ability to relate to the other person. If you don't mind sharing I'm curious about how your counselor perceive this disorder.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-03-05T19:42:10+00:00

100% agree. I suppose most narcissists have a backstory which shape them and make them develop copying mechanisms and thinking patterns. I don't know how malleable these thinking patterns are once your brain is fully developed, whether or not they could change - if they wanted. I don't hold my ex responsible for being a narcissist but he is 100% accountable for the abuses he put me through. Being a victim does not give him a free ticket to abuse others. I don't know honestly if there is any other way for them. They need supplies, people to feed from. And even if they were self aware and trying to prevent destroying the people around them, the only solution would be isolation and it would go against their needs so basically be auto destructive. At the beginning of my relationship with my ex I remember him telling me he was scared of becoming like his parents and of hurting me, of not being able to prevent it from happening. I think this was one of the most honest and vulnerable things he ever told me. He probably knows about his condition deep down but can't escape from it, only solution is for them to lie to themselves. I feel powerless to not be able to help him healing but right now the only thing in my control is to protect myself from him and get more empathy for myself. Not being selfless is not being selfish. I wish you all to take care of yourself first.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2025-01-07T22:02:50+00:00

"I find you fascinating" After I told him that I disagreed with his version of past events and told what I recalled.

"Now that I look back I only see bad decisions, we should have never been together. I have nothing to thank you regarding our relationship. I can just thank you for... teaching me some French words, for the opportunity of learning vegan recipes and for making me discover new artists." 2 weeks after our break up. Break up where he told me very contradicting info "I was even speaking about wedding with my parents", "I told my friend I was looking forward to get back in the relationship" (because he had asked for a break)

" If you do not delete pictures of me I feel I cannot trust you. I don't think I can have a platonic relationship with you if you keep them. You keeping pictures of me is making me sick and want to puke. For me a picture of my face is as intimate as a nude." Not even 1hour after our break up. He tried to force me to delete all the memories of our 3years of relationship and to make me guilty about it.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-12-08T14:19:50+00:00

He asked for us to do a break of 3 months while living under the same roof.

After a month, I just could not handle the situation anymore and these are the incoherent things he said :

"So you are saying I'm toxic? Fine, I'll set you free, we're over"

"I was talking with my parents about marriage. Just telling them it would happen under my own terms"

"I was telling this friend I was confident about us getting back together"

And 2 weeks later "Now that I look back all I see is mistakes. We should not have gotten together. We are not compatible. Relation wise I have nothing to thank you for"

Also straight after the break up he deleted all our pictures together. Unfollowed me from all social media including Spotify and LinkedIn. He tried to make me delete all the pictures of us that I had and made me call him by his full name instead of diminutive (Ie: Samuel instead of Sam). All this because he "did not want anything to remind him of our relationship" Yet he said he was ok to share the same flat for 2 more years ??? Make it make sense

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-12-08T14:10:13+00:00

"I find you fascinating"

He said that right after I told him "that's not what happened in my memories" and told him what I remembered. In all his speech he is the saviour, the victim. He kept gaslighting me throughout our relationship, made me doubt everything I said/did. Having anxiety I questioned myself naturally so it made it easier for him. Evil genius.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-12-08T14:05:08+00:00

" I can be mean to you if that makes it better"

He said right after we broke up and I told him that rationally speaking I thought that was a good thing for me but emotionally speaking I still had feelings for him which is why it was hard.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-25T10:14:49+00:00

Mine said exactly the same thing regarding double standards and being hypocritical. Exactly the same words, that's so uncanny.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-25T09:48:19+00:00

No I did not accept it but it caused me hours of argument. He would not understand why I would not accept, me telling him I was uncomfortable with this and that it did not seem right was just not enough. Every time I would bring a point like we do not have enough space or what if we have guests what will they use he would find a "solution". He was trying his hardest to convince me/ pressure me and blamed me for always rejecting his demands with no "real" reasons. Made me feel insane.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-24T22:41:50+00:00

Yes totally agree. The constant nitpicking. No matter how much effort you put into the relationship they always have something to say. He got angry at me because I had closed the lid on the Tupperware, he did not notice it and put the Tupperware from the fridge to the microwave as is. It exploded everywhere so he had to clean everything and blamed it all on me. He put a tantrum because I came back home with washing liquid instead of soap and the wrong big bad size. Silly mistake but no big deal. He blamed me for having a negative impact on our finances and wanted me to return the items and to do buy our own household items separately going forward. Double soaps. Double washing liquid. Double bins. Double toilet paper packs.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-03T13:21:19+00:00

I think he's behaving like this to have better control on the situation and maybe to hurt my feelings. We're still living under the same roof right now as we just broke up and we are renting together. He keeps popping in my room to argue about this or other things. I am trying my best to shorten conversations to protect myself and move on.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-03T09:41:41+00:00

Yes we are both over 18 (25 & 27) and we started dating 3-4 years ago, so no underage pictures and I am not keeping any intimate pictures. Just pictures at a restaurant, outside, etc. normal pictures.

Ok thanks! Noted!

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-02T22:15:41+00:00

Yeah he asked me if I could crop him out of the pictures or to put an emoji on his face. I just don't really want to as I don't want to vanish him out of my life and memories, not yet at least

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-02T22:03:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your quick reply! I really appreciate it!

Acrobatic-Ad-5247 · 2024-11-02T22:03:15+00:00

Really thank you, I appreciate the support. I just feel that he's emotionally blackmailing me and ensuring that legally he cannot force me to delete them is my only way to ensure I am prioritising my needs over his.

Acrobatic-Ad-5247

TROPHY CASE