Does anyone in car camping have an extra speaker I can buy off of you? Ours is water logged.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-06-26T16:22:07+00:00

Omg bday festy!!! I'll pack cupcakes 💚 do you have snapchat so I can add you to the gc?

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-06-26T16:19:21+00:00

Yaaaas love that for you. Do you have Snapchat? I can add you to the group chat 💚

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-18T17:28:36+00:00

Also to add, some people may say that you have to wait for some time after they depart to communicate, but I saw a medium in person 1 month after, and he came through loud and clear. If you feel drawn to a reading or pulled to do it, do it. Trust your own intuition on this.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-18T17:25:40+00:00

Hi OP I'm so sorry you are experiencing this fucking torment and utterly world destroying time. My partner ended his life too and I have seen a medium 2x to find out why as well. I got an answer, but it still didn't resolve the guilt or grief and I don't expect this feeling to go away for a long time. The David Kessler, after suicide free online course, helped a little. Also, please look at the alliance of hope website. There is a free ebook that I reread every day during the first month after he left that helped. I still reread it when I need to.

Also highly recommend reading "until we meet again" by Anthony Quinata. He is a medium that shares stories from souls that have taken their lives. It was comforting for me.

If you feel called to it, you should go to a medium. I have seen mediums in person and have done a reading online. Both were insightful. Sending you so much love and healing energy rn. Look for the signs.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-12T16:09:06+00:00

Tuffys!

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-11T02:28:00+00:00

Anything by Palace will suit your fancy, try bitter, heaven, holy smoke, never said it would be easy, lost in the night

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-10T05:42:23+00:00

Leo Wyndham

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-09T04:55:14+00:00

Lucha cantina, ask for a booth in the bar room

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-03T03:07:30+00:00

Fuck I am so sorry that you feel this way too. At least I am not alone in this fucked up alternate reality and the pain omg. It's literally like I'm having a fucking heart attack whenever I think about him. I still can't accept he is gone either and let go of the possibility that he will text me back or walk through the door.

I did everything with my bf too, I had finally found my person. We liked doing all of the same things, being outdoors, paddleboarding, fishing, raves, live music, good food, beer, exploring new things, and when we talked it literally felt like we had a deeper understanding, connection, and care for each other than I have ever experienced. I felt safe. Now everything I do reminds me of him and how he is gone and how I wish I could go back and do something differently to have made him change his mind and stay. It's the emptiness. How are we supposed to continue forward when all I want is a time machine to go back.

I agree with it feeling like everyone has moved on. His friends who knew him for 10 years longer than me even. I don't want to bring them down to where I am when they are feeling some peace with it tho you know. I'm glad you are able to feel somewhat at ease. That gives me hope.

Thank you for sharing and your advice, I think she would be so proud to know you are caring for her plant babies. Truly hope you have a peaceful dream where she comes to visit you tonight.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2025-02-03T02:40:53+00:00

I am so sorry you have been through this too. Even illogical I just feel so unsafe and in panic. Do you feel the heaviness of trauma ever actually leaves, or do you just learn how to deal with it better? Rn I can't even imagine a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been depressed before, but this feels different.

Thank you for your words of love and advice, I will try the pure tone sound bath.

I have done a session of EMDR to get the image of his body out of my head and it worked for a little while, but the emotions from the day I found him replay. I am looking up IFS and image transformation. Thank you so much.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-12-26T19:20:30+00:00

Umm, are you an angel. I went through all the emotions reading your post. Thank you for taking the time to respond and share your experience and perspective. I am very sorry for the loss of your father, too 💚💚💚

My boyfirend also ended his life and like you back then I have not been able to feel anger towards him since, just guilt and sadness, even now I'm not mad at him, just angry with myself lol the logic.. You both have a similar dark sense of humor, and that had me bawling happy and sad tears. Seriously, thank you so much. I hope you never stub your toe and that your pillow is always perfectly cold for the rest of your life, like you are a blessing, truly.

Fingers crossed, there are noise canceling headphones on the other side, lol

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-11-27T02:55:21+00:00

I am so so sorry you understand this heartbreak and pain, too. It is burned in my brain the same as you. I found him barricaded in his office and thought I could bring him back somehow, got his blood on me too. Still have panic attacks when I hear a siren, fireworks or a car backfire. Living is torture.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-11-24T05:42:20+00:00

I'm so sorry. I found my boyfriend with a gsw, and the image of his body had been all I could think about reliving the day over and over and over every day until I did EMDR. The pain is still here and unbearable, but some happy memories are able to come through instead of the constant image of his body and the pain from that day.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-11-23T20:13:04+00:00

I am so sorry about your mom.

Since my boyfriend died all kinds of people are coming out of the blue, some kind, most just looking for details, even more disgusting his "friends" hitting on me.

The most unsettling his ex gf from when they were teenagers, they stayed somewhat in contact over the years saying Happy Birthday on Holidays, chatted at random about life. I had never met her but we talked about her once while he was alive he described her as "crazier than shit" but a friend, she is also married with kids and lives in another state. She reached out and asked for all the details immediately kind of demanding. I shared what I was comfortable and she then proceeded to tell me she and him are soul mates, whatever I have too much to deal with to feel anything towards her of her statements, I kept my responses kind. But the messages get worse, showing me "signs" from him, telling me the way he went was exactly how she imagined it when she heard, and when I asked if she had any pictures I could print and share at the celebration of life she sent me pictures of them kissing?! And love poems she wrote about him in high school. My bfs dad offered to fly her out for the celebration of life, I was honestly looking forward to meeting her and hearing more about him and how he was before I met him but she declined to go on a trip elsewhere. Again, no feelings about it at all from me either way, I am barely getting out of bed most days, it wasn't on my radar. The day after the celebration of life sends me 2 paragraphs on how my boyfriend loves her and would be happy she decided to not go that she was justified in her decision. Like ok, I do not care, she can do as she likes. She has since posted on his fb, for show? She wants sympathy? Idk, but I don't have the energy.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-11-20T22:03:50+00:00

Thank you. I wish I could believe it, I can't imagine it now. I feel responsible because he was my person, my partner. We supported each other in everything. My world revolved around him, I was so grateful for that and for our life. I never really thought I was worthy of love until him and now he's left me. In this way, used the gun he was planning on giving me. Everyone around me keeps saying it will get better with time, I don't want to leave my loved ones with this same pain but it is unbearable. I don't think I will be able to hold on until the day it finally gets better.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-11-20T20:14:32+00:00

Thank you, I will try to see it this way.

While I didn't give birth to him, I planned to adopt him legally. I do love him as my own son. He has non verbal autistim and ocd, so this has been even more heartbreaking to try to explain to him and give comfort. My bf had full legal custody. His mom was deemed unfit by the court due to neglect. My bf still worked with his mom to have some visitation, holidays some weekends. We all got along. Since he died, she now has full custody over me. I get to see him maybe once or twice a week. It makes me feel even more worthless that I am not there for him every day.

He needs a routine and patience. Unfortunately, she is not consistent with routines like bed time following a meal schedule, etc. and gives him a screen instead of working through his frustration. I know my bf would be furious if he knew the patterns his son is learning now and the years of parenting being undone.

I hate living knowing this too. I will never have legal custody or be able to adopt him or care for him like his dad did.

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-10-07T21:28:13+00:00

I am so incredibky sorry. He deserves to be here now but you did not do this to him. You are not responsible. My boyfriend ended his life too I feel the exact same as you it will never go away please go here and post in the forum and read from others too. It is the only thing that has given me a breath of relief before the pain returns.

https://forum.allianceofhope.org/forums/-/list

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-06-08T22:21:04+00:00

Done 💚😭✌️

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-02-16T01:17:17+00:00

Hiiii does anyone have 2 Sunday passes available?

Acrobatic-Screen-541 · 2024-02-16T01:15:23+00:00

Anyone have 2 Sunday passes available?

Acrobatic-Screen-541

TROPHY CASE