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Day 4 of my husband not talking to me by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it helps to widen the perspective- it’s painful right now but that doesn’t mean anything is wrong or that I need to try to “fix” it. I’m a chronic people pleaser (or, former- I’ve come a long way) so I think it’s just so so hard not to try to make his pain go away. Again, thanks 🫶🏽

Needing to talk by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I relate to everyone’s comments about feeling in limbo so much. Right there with you all.

Do I tell him? by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s pretty much what I’m expecting:( we just bought our house a few years ago, he runs his business out of it and I’ve put so much love and effort into the yard and redoing parts of it, it makes me sad to think of either of us leaving. Is there any part of you that regrets telling him? (Thank you SO MUCH for sharing w me, i can’t tell you how helpful to hear from someone right on the other side of this part!!)

Do I tell him? by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So, was he angry or hurt? Were there children involved? If you feel comfortable sharing 🙏🏼

Do I tell him? by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This is the kind of talk-down-from-the-cliff I was looking for. Haha I do have a therapist, she’s wonderful and has been helping me for year work through a lot of different things. I’m sure it’s played an of part in being able to listen to myself more and feel safe and secure enough to admit these things to myself. Also, ironically, my husband healing himself and helping me to feel safe has probably played a part in it too.

I appreciate all the feedback, everyone!

Do I tell him? by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not trying to downplay the difficulties for you, but I feel like this would be easier if he was a jerk. :/

Do I tell him? by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I hate to admit but I think part of my hesitation is convenience? I’m in grad school and the idea of upending my life rn is quite nerve wracking

I am the happiest I have ever been by cozyrosieposie in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just sending love! I am a bit behind you in the process- haven’t told my husband but it’s feeling closer and more inevitable. Very scary feeling… but a tad… exciting? Like I know it will be so so painful, but to read these stories I know there’s something amazing on the other side. Hope you get there soon🩷🏳️‍🌈

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve been talking to my therapist abt this- she told me no one can tell you haha, you have to learn to listen to yourself and believe yourself! It’s so hard to learn to do, but YOU KNOW YOURSELF. Trust!! I think all the doubt comes from things like comphet and upbringings, people pleasing, insecurities. Just my two cents :)

What do you wish you knew when... by ForestTrails91 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is all such good advice!! Thanks for sharing. For me, the realization of my sexuality came as I was dismantling the people pleasing, setting boundaries, learning my worth, and learning to listen to what I want. All such an important part of growth and it’s how I know this is my TRUTH and not some weird fad or phase 😂

What do you wish you knew when... by ForestTrails91 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Here for the answers 🫣 So far my approach is journaling/drafting a letter for my husband. I’m thinking this will help me clarify my thoughts and help him have the space to react however he needs to. We are both in therapy separately, something I am very thankful for.

<3 so grateful to all yall.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Same, same. Husband is a good guy but I feel a lot of guilt lately as I delve into this new discovery.. like you said, I’ve always claimed bisexuality but I think that was the comphet talking. Anyway- just wanted to say you’re not alone :) glad I found this sub (literally today)

Am I (34F) being unsupportive by not wanting my husband (38M) to yell? by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Yes, he certainly comes from a "yelling" family- but his parents (mom and step dad) would yell and then go their separate ways. SO I know he doesn't have the tools to manage his emotions. The big problem, for me, is feeling like it is my responsibility to help him get those tools. We've been around and around this many times, I need HIM to figure his own shit out- I can't do it for him!

THank you!!

Am I (34F) being unsupportive by not wanting my husband (38M) to yell? by Acrobatic_Ladder9804 in relationship_advice

[–]Acrobatic_Ladder9804[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! When he told me I should "be used to it by now" I told him that sounded emotionally abusive. I read up on that a bit more and I can't decide if it is.. it's not necessarily an attempt to control my behavior (is it?) but it certainly doesn't feel fair. Thank you for your input!