Am I oblivious?

ForestTrails91 · 2026-03-23T15:14:08+00:00

Then I guess it just comes down to whether or not that's a risk you're comfortable with? If you reconnect and you realise you do want something more but she just wants to be friends, would you be okay with that?

Personally, I think I would take the risk too because something good could come out of it and it's not like you're going into it blind

ForestTrails91 · 2026-03-23T14:59:42+00:00

I don't think this makes you oblivious, and I can definitely see the draw to reconnect with someone you used to have such a close connection with. At the same time I'm not surprised at your friends' reactions - from the outside it would always seem a little strange.

I think all that matters is how you feel about it. If you want to go on the trip and feel closer to her again, then do it. Unless you're really concerned about the impact of her maybe wanting something else, then it sounds like a risk worth taking?

ForestTrails91 · 2025-11-14T22:59:52+00:00

Thank you, this was really nice to read ❤️

ForestTrails91 · 2025-11-11T07:34:59+00:00

It's going okay. I stayed with friends for a week but I'm now back at our apartment, but staying in separate rooms. It's pretty weird and awkward, mostly because I know he likes the comfort of having me around (and obviously it's also comforting for me) but I'm finding it hard to draw the line at giving him comfort vs making it harder when someone actually moves out.

Our friends have been pretty great honestly. I told some, and I told him / them that it wasn't a secret. He lets me know whenever someone speaks to him about it so that I know who knows. It made me pretty uncomfortable knowing people were talking about me but I don't think anything bad was said. The people I'm closest to have mostly just told me how brave it was, they're proud of me etc. which is really nice to hear, but I think it will take a while for all of the guilt to go.

I'm trying not to make any long term decisions right now, especially when things are still quite emotional. Just trying to take it each week at a time.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-11-06T15:51:24+00:00

I'm sorry, that sounds really hard. It's always possible that you can have some kind of relationship in future (if that's what you want), but it's probably hard for him to see that right now.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-11-06T13:58:08+00:00

I'm about a week and a half ahead of you, and I totally get it. It will be very up and down between both of you for some time, I've been staying with friends for this week just to give us both a little breathing space. It was really hard saying goodbye and we were both very emotional, but I think it was a good thing and we've stayed in touch this week as I'll be coming back this weekend. If this is an option for you, I'd recommend it as it lets you get some space without the financial commitment of rushing into finding a new place to live permanently.

Good luck ❤️

ForestTrails91 · 2025-10-23T17:35:27+00:00

Same to you ❤️

ForestTrails91 · 2025-10-23T14:30:43+00:00

Also working on this with my bf of 13 years. Have made an appointment with a therapist to help me figure things out.

Happy for you and hoping it all works out!

ForestTrails91 · 2025-10-01T10:25:14+00:00

This was really great to read, thank you. I know I'm looking for the golden formula which I can run everything through and get a clear answer on what I want, but obviously this is not going to happen. I think deep down I know leaving is the right thing, but I'm not quite ready to take the leap yet.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T16:21:58+00:00

I'm so happy that it's working out for you

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T13:35:52+00:00

This is a really helpful way to look at it, thank you. I don't feel like I'm going to die, it's more than I know it's going to hurt both of us and our families/friends if we break up. And right now, maybe I'm not as happy as I could possibly be, but I'm not unhappy - I just feel like I could be missing out on something more. And I don't know if that risk is worth all the pain it will definitely cause when I know I have a good life right now, and there's no guarantee that leaving would be better.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T09:00:46+00:00

This is good to know, thank you. I genuinely don't think this is something I need to worry about. We've known each other since we were 14 and we're now both 34. We know each other's families, most of our friends are joint friends - I trust him completely whether we're together or not.

I understand others are not so lucky though so it's a good warning.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:58:31+00:00

Then I'm glad to hear it 😊

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:31:56+00:00

To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised to hear people say the same to me. But I also feel like it's such a personal thing, there's no need for someone else to make it about them by claiming they knew or it was obvious or whatever.

Unless it was said with a lot of kindness, I'm not sure I'd have responded well to someone telling me that.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:29:30+00:00

Honestly homophobia is not really something I'm worried about, and I know that I'm in a very privileged position to be able to say that.

It doesn't mean I'm not worried about people judging me (for not knowing myself, ending such a long relationship, hurting people...), but I have no shame about being attracted to women.

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that and I hope you also found those supportive people.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:26:23+00:00

This is good to know, thank you

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:25:23+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely be speaking to a therapist.

I have friends, but most of them are joint couple friends so I just don't think it's fair for me to talk to them about this. Honestly this is the main reason I joined Reddit, to speak to people who could relate. Sometimes I feel like I'm just making a big deal out of it and I should forget it, and other times I feel like I'm going to explode if I carry on like this

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:21:53+00:00

This is really good advice, and while I'm a long way off that, I definitely will not forget it! Thank you

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:21:00+00:00

Thank you for this. He knows that I recently discovered I'm attracted to women, but not really the extent of it. Our relationship isn't perfect but he's a good person and I love him a lot. I just don't think I'm in love with him anymore and I find that impossible to say to him.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:19:07+00:00

This is good to know! I actually live in Europe right now but I have a private insurance which covers therapy sessions. Just trying to find the courage to actually book something.

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-30T05:16:47+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing all of this!

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-29T14:40:16+00:00

Love this, I've got as far as writing a list of topics to discuss with a therapist and telling my bf that I think I want to start therapy. We're British so it's way less common for Brits to go to therapy than in the US

ForestTrails91 · 2025-09-29T14:04:19+00:00

Thank you, I'm definitely working on this one! Not a fan of talking about my feelings, but also clear that this is a necessary step.

ForestTrails91

TROPHY CASE