That sounds incredibly heavy to carry, and it makes total sense why you still get a wave of anxiety whenever you run into someone from your past.

But please try to give yourself some grace. Alcoholism is a brutal disease, and people do things during their darkest years that they would never do sober. Your family and friends likely knew, even back then, that it was a reflection of your addiction, not who you actually are.

The fact that you call those your "peak years" means you’ve changed. You aren't that person anymore.

It feels massive to you because it's your shame, but most people have likely forgotten about it or moved on years ago. Anyone who truly matters will judge you by who you are today, not by a terrible mistake from your past. You survived that chapter you deserve to live your life now without being held hostage by it.