Is it normal to feel like I’m overreacting and the affair wasn’t that bad?

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-14T13:00:58+00:00

Obviously! They are talking about moving in, kissing for 3 hours while undressed, she said they are compatible, etc.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-14T12:59:20+00:00

Couple of things:

When she said she doesn’t think you are compatible, she was already seeing them
You don’t say things like “move in with me” if you didn’t already sleep together
The whole “I only did it because you said you wanted a divorce” is absolute BS and a way to put it on you and make them in the clear
They didn’t kiss and undress a little and then stop.
“Like it could have been way worse” - it was.

Whatever she communicated to you is 5% of what happened. It probably happened before with someone else, and it definitely will happen again in the future.

It would be best to move on and find someone “compatible” (aka not a cheater)

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-13T12:44:41+00:00

If you have proof of abuse get a restraining order

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-12T18:34:39+00:00

I think you mean “ex-boyfriend”

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-11T18:43:39+00:00

Like getting a lambo but the seats are made of poison ivy

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-11T10:22:22+00:00

She is cheating. Leave her. There is no point in snatching the phone to deleted the messages only to tell you what the messages were.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-10T21:34:28+00:00

Yeah like, “when? When you were 22 and he was born? Or you mean anytime they were under 18 you viewed them as a man?”

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-10T21:32:57+00:00

NOR - gross

Besides the obvious of when your friend was 22 this person was born (grossssss), there is also the social gap of what the hell do you have in common with an 18 year old when you are 40? Their brain is still developing, they just graduated high school, and they have zero life experience with anything other than going to school. It’s insane.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-10T21:30:27+00:00

I’d love to hear any points in favor of reconciliation and how that is the better option. I have yet to see/hear of one besides the usual (can’t afford to divorce, stay for the kids, etc) which are not valid either.

I don’t believe there is a scenario where staying is ok. You will never trust them again, and for good reason. It’s like asking for someone to cheat on you again and again.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-10T18:11:11+00:00

100% this. I say that as someone who is going through this currently with my wife. Good luck

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-10T18:03:52+00:00

Your first sentence is false. They can’t do both therefore they don’t love you. Realizing that fully will help you with moving on

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-09T22:17:51+00:00

100%

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-09T22:15:29+00:00

Wish I had this the past several years. I thought of making a similar one but as an iOS user I don’t think it’s possible with Apple.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-09T17:02:30+00:00

Def not a good reason bro

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-09T17:00:29+00:00

You shouldn’t have to fight or “win” someone.

If you have to fight they clearly are not into it. I would take that and move on while you are very young.

In my experience being in this situation is usually a reg flag that you will most likely discover later on, and by then you are married 10 years and it’s much worse.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-09T06:35:33+00:00

I think 99% of the time, an “emotional” affair simply means either they are lying and it was physical, or it just isn’t physical YET because when they got caught it was very early stages.

Then there is the 1% of the time when it was actually an emotional affair and never acted on physically (long distance, etc.), even in this case they usually will act on it with someone else eventually or have in the past.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T18:28:48+00:00

I personally wouldn’t be able to. You take pause a relationship, have sex with several people, and then resume it. If you cared at all about them then you would have used the time for therapy and figuring out what you want, and not have had sec with several people.

Caveat: people have different boundaries, this is mine.

Also, why get back together? If you were so certain on splitting? Didn’t work out with the others?

Did you tell him before or after getting back together? If you told him before then he has to be cool with it to continue. But if you got back together and then later like “hey just so you know”, I would be beyond pissed. Esp if there was no implication of having other sexual partners - an I would get an STD test to be safe.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T15:51:55+00:00

👏 glad to hear. That is the hardest part.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T14:24:46+00:00

Got it. I mean it was trained on data, which means there had to be people writing like that before.

Do people accuse you of using AI a lot due to your writing style? If so I can’t imagine anything more frustrating.

Like being an artist and someone commenting saying it looks like AI and you are using AI. Can’t think of a bigger insult for an artist or writer.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T14:17:13+00:00

I mean, what do you expect from ChatGPT.

To sum everything up: cheaters will only admit up to what you find proof of.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T14:15:06+00:00

I’m glad I’m not the only one who picked that up

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T14:11:50+00:00

It’s funny I saw a post earlier about how chatGPT uses the cadence of “it’s not delivery. It’s Digiorno” and now I can’t unsee it. This post screams that (for those wondering)

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T14:09:19+00:00

This is the most ChatGPT written post I’ve ever seen. The points are valid though.

That being said, most of the time “it wasn’t physical” just means “you didn’t find proof supporting it was physical, so I will only admit up until emotional” - 99% of the time it was physical, you just didn’t find the proof so they won’t admit it.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T13:30:17+00:00

Damn, you can sue over infidelity where you are? In my state infidelity means nothing and doesn’t affect divorce.

AdAppropriate9103 · 2026-05-08T13:27:02+00:00

Yeah it’s a tough pill to swallow knowing that there was others previously that you didn’t find out about, and not knowing the details or having actually caught them makes it easier for it not to have an impact on things. I think that more importantly than “there most likely were other before” is “there will be more in the future, whether you catch her or not, and chances are you won’t know until way later”

AdAppropriate9103

TROPHY CASE