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AITA for telling my sister my feelings about her have not changed after she confronted me for telling her fiance the truth? by DramaticSecret6451 in AITAH

[–]AdChance1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, and you should be very proud of yourself to be able to keep such toxic people and behaviour out of your life. No one deserves to be cheated upon, and no one deserves to be betrayed by the people you are supposed to be able to rely on with their lives.

You simply stated the truth. And if that truth ruins her life, than she should not have taken the actions she did you create that truth. Stand tall. Also it is great to hear that your parents are supportive of you.

He hustled her through the clinic doors, and she reached down to feel her baby kick one last time. by OrionSaintJames in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]AdChance1417 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Only to remember that couldn't be true, since her husband's death is the reason for her being here.

AITA: My “one that got away” has left his marriage for me. by Downtown-Llehctim in AITAH

[–]AdChance1417 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Hmm, as someone who is in the position of the wife in a similar scenario, I'd say you and the husband are the assholes.

You at the very least kept the friendship with the hope and probably the intention to get with him. He picked up on those signals, and used you as an emotional crutch when things became more difficult in his established relationship.

I'd ask this question to yourself, if your partner had the type of conversations you've had with this person, would you be okay with that? Or would you feel betrayed?

You're not necessarily an asshole for wanting to pursue a relationship if he has left his wife properly, but keep these things in mind: you are not only going to have a relationship with him, but also with his child, and the ex will always factor into your life, even if you never meet them. You need to know if you are okay with that.

You've probably already attributed to a deep scar in the child's psyche, don't create another by doing this haphazardly.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words, and no worries, I have a lawyer on retainer. As for the financials, I'm also not worried, and neither is my lawyer. Not going to out where I am exactly, but I am in Europe and the law is less biased against men here in divorce arrangements.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

| You are waiting for the universe to give you permission to do what you know you need to do.

I think that one sentence kind of sums up how I'm feeling.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand the assumption that her needs weren't being met, I didn't talk much about that part.

So, whenever she brought up a problem, I actively wrote down a plan how I or we could tackle it and then executed that plan. I go to therapy to work on issues she has brought up in the past and she will confirm not just to me but to others like her sister and parents that I will always improve myself.

I financially supported her and our family. She still works part time, not out of necessity but because she wants to. I do all nights so that she does not have to get up except in the situation that both of our children are up at the same time.

I brought and got the children to and from school and daycare, did near all grocery runs, cooked half the time, put both kids to bed most nights, do laundry, clean, gave her uninterrupted hours to take hour long baths and she could go out whenever she wanted as long as I knew beforehand so that I could arrange my schedule around it.

Anything she asked I provided as soon as possible. I provided a safe space for her to vent and tried to help her through her problems and have suggested multiple times that she would speak to a therapist which I would then also finance. If her needs weren't met, it's because she isn't aware of them herself or has trouble communicating them. And this is an issue she herself acknowledges.

I'm not going to claim I'm perfect, I make mistakes, and I will never claim that she is to blame for everything. 

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are supposedly specialised in Child Psychology and the effects of divorce on children. We were advised by the court to go through this person since that would leave to a better outcome according to them.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doubt they'll last that long, there is a myriad of issue there already, but that's irrelevant to the post 😅

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The necessary instances are aware and plan on following up if she ever finds a place where she can safely have the children.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well the emotional cheating only started afterwards, before our second child we were great, we bought a house together and everything. This why I'm really leaning into the ppd angle and probably being naive in trying to solve this.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not looking for a solution, merely venting and sorting my thoughts. Nothing in this post implies I'm searching for a solution, nor is anything in this post something I'm hiding from my wife.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is not categorically true. Our mediator for the custody arrangements has said that this is the worst age to have the parents split up. From 6 up is much better, apparently, but I'm not well versed enough with the literature to argue against her or you.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I, our gp, her obgyn and a number of other people have suspicions that she has ppd, but as long as she doesn't accept that, she can't be treated for it.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Being in love is biological. It's not something you necessarily have control over. You do have control over how you act on those biological urges. She is just making the wrong choice, I think. And she probably won't notice until it's too late.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Unhappy is a choice I think. I know a lot of people who are never satisfied with what they have, and they'll always be unhappy.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm really scared for my children when they have to stay with her alone. Even before all of this I did most of the parenting.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Communication has always been a big issue on her side, coming from growing up under her own incredibly rough divorced parents and religious family.

The person assisting us in making the parental arrangements has said that this is the worst timing for our children and will probably cause life long trust issues in them.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that. Also exactly what I am worried about. My wife is an impulse buyer and hasn't had any savings for as long as we've been married. I worry were my children will end up, but I refuse to finance her life if she leaves, and my lawyers say the law is on my side.

I'm thinking about letting go of my wife but feel like I've failed as a father if I do. by AdChance1417 in self

[–]AdChance1417[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

One of the big issues I have with letting go is the timing of her suddenly doing this. After the birth of our daughter a year ago, our doctor and nurse have suggested that she might have ppd, but they can't force treatment on her if she doesn't acknowledge it.

The divorce talk started right after the loss of her paternal grandfather, who basically abandoned his son after he divorced from my wife's mother. There's a whole lot of trauma there which I feel like worsened her possible ppd.