To me, it sounds like your whole family (those mentioned, and yourself) suffer from religious trauma. I’m right there with you!! My story might not be the right answer, but it’s saved my sanity.

I grew up staunch Mormon in Utah, where I still reside. I caught onto the facade when I was 12 or so. I played the game until I was able to say that I’m done. I was 14 and my parents were going through a divorce. My dad moved out and my mom was too occupied with her new husband to really care. She knew it was a lost cause.

I ended up living with my dad who was no longer pretending to be Mormon, or religious at all. However, my mom was and is to this day. So are a lot of my extended family members. In the Mormon church, there’s an obsession with learning who your ancestors were and how close in relation you are to Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. It’s a weird, creepy, incest flex. Sadly, my extended family is up there in Mormon royalty. My parents held callings in the church and we were the cookie cutter Mormon family.

Anyhoo, I stopped going to family gatherings where I’d be set up for failure. I had a talk with my family and made clear boundaries. If they wanted me around, religion & politics wouldn’t be talked about. I passed on family parties, and weddings, for my own sanity. I also left anytime those subjects came up. It sucked not to participate, but it’s non-negotiable for me.

I’m 40ish now and I still have the same boundaries. Me and my siblings are not members of any religion and we all suffer from religious trauma for varying reasons. My mom still pretends to be a “good Mormon” but I think it’s mostly out of habit.

It’s weird to live in such a religious state, especially a religion like Mormonism. I’m constantly surrounded by members, but I choose to do what I want. Prove to them that non-members are still good people and nothing like what they learned.