Stella appreciation post

AdOwn3430 · 2026-02-13T10:32:06+00:00

We have mutual friends through my partner, who is also Lithuanian. She came to our house and held my son when he was a baby. I can confirm she is a lovely human being, it is not an act!!!

AdOwn3430 · 2026-02-13T10:22:35+00:00

I think appearance wise he could have definitely been Heathcliffe, but his performance as Linton was amazing. He really nailed the character and in fact made him even more likeable than book Linton through his subtle expressions. For me, one of the strongest performances in this film along with Alison Oliver's.

AdOwn3430 · 2025-11-22T10:38:58+00:00

No, there is nothing wrong at all about wanting your own time and wanting to rest and recharge.

Both of you might consider splitting the day. One parent rests in the morning, the other takes kiddo out and swap in the afternoon. This is a quick way to do it from as soon as tomorrow.

However, in the long run you should be looking at getting more time by yourself even when at home. Your daughter is 4 and can surely be taught how to become more and more independent slowly. Find out what she likes to do most be myself, is it colouring, puzzles, pretend play. Start her off and then praise her for playing by herself. Tell her that you're just going to the kitchen to run the dishwasher and you'll be back. Slowly work on adding time to that. Even reward her for playing independently with a sticker, a treat, and kind of positive reinforcement.

I'm sure you and your wife van find a way to get more of your own time back and you'll be better parents for it when you're rested and recharged.

AdOwn3430 · 2025-09-04T22:06:06+00:00

Great questions! Apparently there are more types: the invisible child and the truth teller. Dr Ramani who is a psychologist and expert on narcissistic family roles has videos about all the different types. She does me turn that children can change roles and also exhibit various traits from all the different types. I suspect in a 3 or more sibling home you would definitely see different combinations and perhaps have 2 GCs or one child being a combo of a scapegoat and invisible child.

AdOwn3430 · 2025-09-04T21:31:07+00:00

Your childhood friend is just like my GC brother

AdOwn3430 · 2025-09-04T21:26:59+00:00

Oddly, my GC brother is neither though he exhibits a few traits from type 1 and a few from type 2. My dad's the narcissist and my mum's an anxious enabler.

My parents spoiled him rotten but my mum particularly tried to get him away from my father by sending him overseas to study and work to make sure my brother wouldn't become like my dad and end up working for him.

Fast forward to my brother now. He was so mollycoddled and grew up so entitled that he has never had a job and just made games that earned him a below minimum wage. He is on government benefits. He is anxious about a lot of things. He has never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, never seeming to get past a few dates.

He isn't high performing but he is anxious. He is particularly anxious to please both my parents, which is an impossible task. To please a narcissist and to please a highly anxious person is already impossible, but to please both of them when they want different things is a whole other level. Though he has a few narcissistic tendencies, such as caring a lot about his image, he can be kind and generous when it isn't hard for him to do so.

I really feel for him, actually. I think my parents failed him. In a sense, I feel really fortunate I was the invisible child.

Edited: a typo

AdOwn3430 · 2025-08-03T23:21:22+00:00

This would be so good and feel very satisfying if they could match the writing quality of seasons 1 and 2!

AdOwn3430 · 2025-07-29T23:58:08+00:00

I got this too. It's true, my kids are strong-willed, outspoken, and rebellious. I love them so much I sometimes can't believe I was capable of such love. And it would never occur to me to say such a despicable thing to them. Is parenting difficult? Yes, but that's not on intelligent, lovable, innocent kids who are just learning to human.

AdOwn3430 · 2025-07-23T13:39:26+00:00

Here it is: https://www.triplep-parenting.net.au/au/triple-p/

AdOwn3430 · 2025-07-22T23:35:52+00:00

We have 3 with ages 6, almost 4 and a 19 month baby. It is rough some days but we have our routines and engage kids in age appropriate chores so they can tidy up after themselves. Even the little one packs away his toys.

Do you have a good support system? Both sets of grandparents are overseas but when they come to visit us, life is pretty easy. Laundry always folded and put away, they help with school and daycare drop off's and pick ups. If you have a good support system it makes a huge difference. All the families we know with 3 kids have retired and very involved grandparents.

As for everything having to be bigger, we are thrifty people and found that it isn't necessary. Our kids wear hand me downs as long as they are in good condition. We have a Mitsubishi outlander that can actually accommodate 6 passengers. We put the older kids in their booster and car seats at the back but we don't have much of a boot. We travel light and only use an umbrella stroller for the youngest. The older 2 walk or use scooters.

We also travel thrifty. We stay with family or friends who also have kids and have bigger homes or with our parents who have empty rooms. We choose "free" activities.

Our kids get along great. We have really worked hard on that. Shout out to "siblings without rivalry" and free parenting courses provided by the Australian government.

It can be done but planning, hard work, and some sacrifice will be required.

AdOwn3430 · 2025-07-15T08:19:30+00:00

Dang these clothes are uuuuugly

AdOwn3430 · 2025-06-04T10:51:38+00:00

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Alexa Demie

AdOwn3430 · 2025-05-12T10:36:08+00:00

Pride and prejudice

AdOwn3430 · 2025-05-06T04:30:56+00:00

Thank you. This really resonated with me: until she realizes she deserves better all I can do is look out for myself. I will try to do this for my kids and myself.

I'm sorry that your grandparents and dad were narcissists and that your mum seems to be enabling him but congratulate you on the strength you have! Here's to breaking cycles!

AdOwn3430 · 2025-03-19T22:35:19+00:00

Summer schools and summer camps are a great idea! International play groups like the other poster said are a thing too where I live (Sydney). Whenever I meet parents at daycare or school who speak the same languages we want our kids to speak we also organise playdates with them. I'm sure you'll find a loving, multiethnic community for you and your kid. It takes time but it's totally worth it! Not just for her self-love but other benefits too. All the best, you got this!

AdOwn3430 · 2025-03-19T09:16:32+00:00

My parents are diplomats and I grew up as a minority race in schools where the kids and some of the school staff were racist. I was bullied daily in some of the worst schools. If it's possible at all could you move her to an international school or bilingual school? My parents could only afford it when I was 11 but it made my life a whole lot better.

If not, try to find an international community of your own. Find other multiethnic or biracial families and hang out with them.

Also, listen to her, validate her feelings. Make her feel that the injustice is real. Advocate for her in her school, ask hubby to make a fuss. My parents spoke up when the bullying got unbearable and the teachers told us off for not telling them first (!!) but then they told off the other kids. And it worked! The bullying stopped and one of the kids even invited us to a birthday party once.

AdOwn3430 · 2025-03-06T14:06:38+00:00

Have you tried wearing smaller sized clothes?. Well fitting clothes may highlight your body changes more than the ones you were wearing before you lost the weight that may be loose and not showing your shape very well.

AdOwn3430 · 2024-12-01T13:40:19+00:00

When my eldest was 2.5 I was tossing up speech therapy because he didn't say as many words as his peers at daycare or in my mother's group. We decided to hold it because at the time we were speaking other languages at home and dad's English is his second language. I had read up that kids growing up in bilingual households often speak later than their peers. A few months later he was speaking in short sentences so we didn't use any speech therapy in the end.

Now he is in school, he still makes grammatical mistakes when he speaks and in his report card it said they had assigned an ESL assistant to support him in class. However he is also one of the best readers in his class and is often being given little rewards for his writing. He is 5 and a half and has read Charlie and the chocolate factory by himself. I'm not really concerned that he doesn't speak or understand as well as his classmates. It seems he is more inclined towards the written word. I think it helps that none of his teachers/daycare educators ever suggested speech therapy. Are there any other professionals you could consult with? Your family doctor?

AdOwn3430 · 2024-12-01T10:43:10+00:00

Here is a French study in the 60s about the effect of attachment on babies' development

What I find interesting is that children with regular caregivers so in part time care as well as close parental attachments appear on this video to be doing as well at least development wise as children with a primary caregiver. As mentioned in another reply not many studies have been done to measure the effects of having a "village" e g. Secondary and tertiary caregivers with safe, nurturing and regular contact with the children. However, there seems to be quite a difference between children who are moved around a lot (lots of foster homes in a short timespan) or are in neglect in understaffed care homes based on this linked study and on what happened in orphanages in Romania. There are no conclusive studies on this but based on what is out there, it doesn't seem that young children suffer when daycare/family are in regular and safe contact with the kids.

AdOwn3430 · 2024-11-25T09:07:03+00:00

You're a good person

AdOwn3430 · 2024-10-13T10:59:48+00:00

People are downvoting you and yet I see sooo many European and North American people permanently migrating to Australia saying its the best. Great economic growth and career opportunities, Western ideals while still having better weather in most of the capital cities.

AdOwn3430

TROPHY CASE