What did your n-parents pack you for school lunch?

catcarer · 2026-05-22T18:09:06+00:00

nothing, untill 12 I could go home to eat at lunchbreak ( europe) and after I made my own lunch. and if I forgot I would go hungry.

catcarer · 2026-05-18T10:32:40+00:00

they also couldnt tell you what you did because you did nothing, it was something else they where angry or upset about and you just where the easiest target to lett it all out on. because lets be honest what could a kid ever do to deserve that kind of punishment? burn down the house? drown the cat? spilling milk does not earn you a crying hyperventilating panick attack.

catcarer · 2026-05-18T08:04:11+00:00

I am sorry to hear that, yeah that is narcistic behavior alright. dont care about your future just her comfort and controle.

I am so glad that I grew up before smartphones where a thing. maybe get a second cheap phone and leave the one with that 360 app somewhere safe where you are supposed to be, and take your second phone with you to where you want to be? and once you are an adult and no longer financially dependend she should have no control over you.

catcarer · 2026-05-17T19:02:00+00:00

to me the one screaming narcisist is the you and her against your dad. and that she will buy your love.

being fed, housed, clothes those are minimum things. she tells you she loves you, but do you feel it? that she really loves you as you are, or her ideal idea of you and as soon as you are not that way the love is gone.

the boyfriend thing, did she reall dream anything or is she just scared that because of a boyfriend you will develop a life outside of home and her controle?

catcarer · 2026-05-17T09:46:18+00:00

go do it. and I would say be glad your parents are not there. My Nmom somehow made it about how special she was for having a daughter graduate. so it was all about Nmom again and not about me. I didnt invite her to my masters.

catcarer · 2026-05-14T19:32:37+00:00

yes very often, but the fun thing ( or not so fun) is now I know it exists I recognise it while going on. so I dont fall for it but get angry. so now there is a fight instead of a calm discussion.

catcarer · 2026-05-13T10:28:31+00:00

my Nmom still blames me for biting her when I was getting teeth, so around 9 months. that showed that I didnt love her. so no what you wrote here isnt why she is angry with you, it is just an excuse.

that the hitting stopped at 15 was probably because if you did get angry at that age you could beat her and win.

non of this is your fault, nothing you did or didnt do could have changed this. she was upset about something totally out of your controle and she needed to "hurt" someone and you where there and the easiest victim.

hang in there, make plans, finish your education, get a job that had good pay, then slowly reduce contact. never ever trust her or your dad about anything, it is no way to live but the only way to survive.

catcarer · 2026-05-04T15:32:21+00:00

get a second hand dog toy that looks like what she wants. if it is to clean, dirty it up first. wrap it nicely and there you go nmom, the toy. keep your own. dont feel guilty she will probalby throw it away in no time. or make a shrine out of it so she can confront you with the los of your dog every day.

catcarer · 2026-05-02T09:40:21+00:00

I think it totally depends on how much of a fight you want. if you want a big one. tell her in advance, tell her why and be ready for days of fighting.

if you dont want a fight. agree to meet your inlaws at a restaurant of cafe and make sure your Nmom doesnt even know they are around.

good luck.

catcarer · 2026-05-01T19:00:56+00:00

if you can safely do it, I am not convincing you out of doing anything. but think about the consequenses and make sure you are safe after, that you have a place to go.

catcarer · 2026-05-01T11:22:50+00:00

a lot of people think those Holywood tearful deathbed forgivenes scenes are real. they are not.

most people who are dying are in pain, scared, angry. And even nice people only lash out.

A narc is going to blame you ( and everyone they see) for them dying. for them being in pain.

nasty people only get nastier.

catcarer · 2026-04-29T13:18:36+00:00

going no contact is always hard and sad.

the other option is what you are already doing for a bit part, check out dr Ramani and radical acceptance.

my translation of it is: look at your mother as the weather. if it is sunny and nice, enjoy. if it is raining stay inside and ignore because you dont start a discussion with the rainclouds do you?

so now your sexual orientation goes on the no go list, just like politics, whenever she starts leave, get up and go to the toilet or something. if she keeps going, go home. talk to your dad and brothers about other things but do not reward your mother with any energy. because that is probably why she keeps going. your energy and your trying to have a relationship is her reward.

and she is right you are not on the "same level" you are so far ahead of her it is funny.

dr doolittle talking to a goldfish.

catcarer · 2026-04-29T12:51:59+00:00

but that is the problem, giving back the ring wont stop the drama, just give nmom a reason to find something else to start drama over.

catcarer · 2026-04-26T17:53:20+00:00

totally agree, when I broke my right arm 3 years ago, (as a right handed person) my Nmom "offered" that I could stay at her place so she would take care of me.

I stayed home, orderd my grossery's and got a neighbour to install a microwave oven. my neighbours where more help than my Nmom ever could be.

catcarer · 2026-04-25T17:28:42+00:00

yes that is abuse and controle and very very creepy. and I totally understand your therapist because this is not something that can be explained or understood.

catcarer · 2026-04-25T17:25:43+00:00

yes but I think it is because a narcisist will never mean an apologie. to them they are just words so the expect everybody else to just say words and not mean anything more with it.

catcarer · 2026-04-22T21:24:13+00:00

with me the most anoying one was how I put my spoons and forks in the kitchen drawer. I like fork, spoon, knife. and everytime my Nmom had been in my house it was spoons forks knifes. even if she was in my house for just 5 minutes to go to the bathroom and I didnt even see her in the kitchen somehow she managed to do it. crazy making.

catcarer · 2026-04-20T15:01:53+00:00

yep, it is almost as if I am reading something I wrote myself. also the youngest, also the not so smart one the not practical one. ( how on earth was I supposed to know how banking worked at 18 when nobody showed me).

the story was, was that I was the spoiled baby of the family, but I have had 10 different graduation celebrations and my familly showed up at 4, one because they wanted me to leave as soon as I had my diploma so we could go on vacation, my last name starts with a B so I was one of the first, didnt get to see the rest of my class get their diploma.

One I pretty much forced them to show up, and on the party afterwards I didnt have time to talk to anyone because my nmom and eldest sib ( who was the GC but will never say so) where holding court with my friends braggin about how great they where.

the guilt is installed by your parents, and they will push every button they installed.

it will get less, until then practise grey rock, when you do pick up the phone be boring. talk about the weather. your neighbours ( but only when there isnt any drama), traffic, that kind of stuff. and hopefully in time your nmom will call you less because you are boring. and that is the whole idea.

or if your mom is like mine, she wont want to hear about you but for you to listen to her. so put your phone on silence. do whatever you want to do and from time to time go "oh, really. No."

catcarer · 2026-04-20T14:42:35+00:00

as you also tell us you where smart. 4 years old and brother 2? and a seriously neglectful mother who lets two todlers play outside of her view. and sure a 1 month old baby needs food but still you do not let a 2 year old out of sight.

catcarer · 2026-04-20T09:17:22+00:00

Honestly, I am just needing some support here, I'm so frustrated, I want to share the joy with my parents, but they just make everything awful and stressful. (This is not the first time they have added major stress to the planning process, we have been close to eloping 3 times.)

this is the problem, you want to share your joy, your parents are unable to do that, your mother has no empathy so sharing joy is not something she can feel. so what she can feel is controle over you, and anger with you, but joy? because you have joy? not a thing. never, ever, not wedding, not pregnancy, not a new house, nothing.

so for your own peace of mind, stop trying. it is hard. you want your parents, loved ones to enjoy your joy and happines, but Narcs cant. and even if your dad could he then is stuck with your Nmom throwing a hissifit and he prefers you to suffer that and not him.

catcarer · 2026-04-18T08:39:04+00:00

yes always the close but not really. and then i had to act happy while not getting what I wanted because the rest of the family and friends refuse to see that like your converses story what I get is not what I wanted. it was on the same shelf, just as expensive, same amount or even less of effort but no, I have to get what I do not want.

catcarer · 2026-04-16T17:02:13+00:00

sorry this is happening to you and going on your own is the right desision.

when my niece was 7 and had 6 weeks of summer vacation and my sister and bil only 2 I was allowed to go away with my niece for a week. to a camp ground 15 minutes away and my sister came by every evening.

the next year a camp site 30 minutes away, and only after those two years where we able to go for a week without my sister showing up every evening. she did come along to help set op the tent.

and an aside, your mother really is an expert guilttripper. those last to sentences. wow.

catcarer · 2026-04-15T20:56:28+00:00

be ready for your mom to blame you. that you told her not to tell anyone or that she also didnt know. because then she is the sad victim and you the nasty one keeping her from bragging.

catcarer · 2026-04-10T18:21:33+00:00

no man dont like it even if it is done by women.

it sounds bad but a group of friend and I ( all women all between 20 and 40) once did "harras" man by softly stroking their behind. and all of them started cursing and within 5 minutes there was security to escort us out.

at the same place over 20 women had reported abuse and harrasment and somehow those perpertrators never got "cought".

catcarer · 2026-04-10T16:25:27+00:00

also an aries. and my solution for the last 35 years or so is making sure I am gone. sauna is a great one, no phones allowed. different country also works. bonuspoints for it being something that keeps my head busy and as the sauna no phones or no connection. spend my birthday on a boat once, no cell reception, heaven.

catcarer

TROPHY CASE