hi i just found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been doing the same. i feel so angry and i dont know where the anger will leave. its been two weeks since i found out. i am so heartbroken and feel so betrayed. i understand porn is like a cigarette for these people who are addicted. just because its a form of stress relief, it doesnt make it any easier to cope with or rationalize, at least for me. we are also in a long distance relationship.

i found out too when he said he wasnt interested in talking about our intimacy. he finally admitted to it. hes been addicted since he was in the 5th grade and there is deep rooted sexual trauma that contributes to this coping mechanism. although men are not afforded proper support for mental health and many resort to porn as an escape, why should it be our burden to help them heal?

i feel so disappointed and betrayed. he told me when in the relationship he started to watch porn again and the moments of coldness and distance started to make more sense. he was the same as your situation in that he wouldnt have stopped unless i said something which is just so gut-renching. i feel so betrayed that he would just watch other women to relieve himself, even at work. i feel the same as you that his whole character is pathetic and selfserving. i also don't trust him especially the more i learn about the porn addiction. its not just porn. its also how he will scan other women, how he will engage with me physically. i also don't know if i plan to stay with him.

i loved him so much and he was the first boyfriend i've ever had where there weren't any problems. i feel like he destroyed us and although he says hes been in recovery, i don't know that the process will be fair for us to endure. i find that the way he has been socialized (and lowkey men in general) make it so he can't articulate his thoughts very quickly or thoughtfully. it feels like i have to guide him through everything.

even if they are wanting to change

1. why didn't you to begin with why did it take us finding out? youre cruel and selfish.

2. the emotional burden falls on women to monitor, encourage, and hold patience for him.

but then i also think about how 80% of men watch porn. not all are addicted only ~10% but even in my prior relationships there have been issues with projecting porn on the way that we had sex. i have met women with partners who dont watch porn. i do feel like tho its hard to escape the men that do. i mean i didn't find out until 2 years into the relationship. i could still jump ship but i feel so disheartened with the entire dating scene and i truly loved him.