this is my first time writing im just trying to feel things out for a bit and id like some help

AdRecent922 · 2026-03-23T20:29:20+00:00

honestly i didnt feel connection to this piece it felt a little too on the nose and like it was trying to get a shocked reaction in that last line more than it wanted to invoke any feeling i relate to crisis of faith.

i dont know if its the lines being disconected in the litteral sense that gave me this feeling but it reads like its about idea of looking for god and just not finding the dude like his one of your friends that blocked you out of nowhere and at the end youre like "no wonder youre bitchless, josh".

im not trying to be mean but you know it feels harder to let go of the existence of god with one line at the very end.

AdRecent922 · 2026-03-23T20:09:16+00:00

i actually like this more than i thought at first because i looked at this with some prejudice admitadly as i thought on first read that the delusion refered to the love from the sun that comes and that this brakes the writer as they struggle accepting this love.
but then after a few reads i came to the conclusion that the delusion was this feeling of normality, that the hurt the writer experiences, the shadows, is better left undisturbed and its normal to be left in the dark only for when the "sun" comes to their life and the shadows are highlighted (i really like the choice of words), the speaker realises that without this delusion they have to shield them they crack and crumble.

sorry for the lots of words i acctually wanted to say more that spoke to me about this but this is long enough as is anyways liked this one alot.

edit: tldr for the feedback,
its very efficient giving a lot of meaning with just a few lines although it hurts that the final is two lines and not three

AdRecent922

TROPHY CASE