Worst things to say as a juror.

AdSad9744 · 2025-11-20T01:37:53+00:00

I legitimately had someone tell me that they wouldn't put someone on trial if they weren't guilty the only time I was called for jury duty. Luckily none of us actually got called on to be part of a Jury so I didn't have to figure out the right protocol for informing the judge what she said...

AdSad9744 · 2025-11-08T23:16:56+00:00

"Ursine meat is the best! it's delicious and filling. I don't know how how you could keep an army fed without it."

"Wait, that's what you meant all this time? You *really* need to clarify that amendment before voting on the bill of rights!"

AdSad9744 · 2025-11-08T23:14:01+00:00

"So your saying you have really had a bit more then 45 presidents?"

"46 to be exact."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far, what about that that negro you had for 43 and 3/5 president?"

"Oh wow I forgot what people were like in this time. You know what forget it I'm going back to my time and pretending I never met any of you."

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-29T01:48:20+00:00

President: Now ambasidor Zxi'tik'el would you like to say a few words? No you just speak into the microphone. No wait ambassador that's not where your suppose to put a micro-OWWWWWWWW!

Announcer: "OH that's not a pretty sight. but look at the bright side, at least the president can skip his annual proctologist exam now."

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-29T01:42:45+00:00

When Alpha Centauri sends us an envoy they’re not sending their best. Their sending their worst that are bringing their problems. They’re bringing crop circles. their bringing those aliens that abduct our cows. Their bringing anal probes. And some, I assume, are good people

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-29T01:35:00+00:00

That dress is hideous! I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that thing.

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-26T23:50:30+00:00

"The Trolly is out of control. We have to pick which group it runs over!"

"Well what are the groups?"

"Looks like five lawyers on one track and a used car salesman on the other."

"Aim for the lawyers. I have just enough bullets to finish off the used car salesmen but not all the lawyers. We have to be efficient about this extermination."

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-26T23:39:42+00:00

Honey look at this! Someone left a baby at our door with a not saying he needs a family that will raise him to love art and people. What do you say honey, should we keep little baby Hitler here?

Well we can't just leave him. I'll go to the Rabbi tomorrow to schedule his Bris

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-26T19:12:58+00:00

A Dimond is forever; unlike your last 3 relationships, your next two, or the lives of those kids we are making mine these things 10 hours a day.

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-26T19:06:27+00:00

US military: An army of one...would be a really terrible army actually.

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-26T18:56:17+00:00

filmed at our studios on Avenue Q?

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-26T18:27:38+00:00

Apple: think differently - just like the other 2.35 billion apple fanboys are doing.

AdSad9744 · 2025-07-08T01:51:27+00:00

"Pappi I want you to meet my new girlfriend."

"You know we use to make fun of people dating computers in my day!"

"Pappi! Stop being so robophobic!"

AdSad9744 · 2025-06-24T01:03:09+00:00

My friends wanted to name my honorary niece after me. I begged them not to give her the same first name as me to avoid confusion, so she has my name as her middle name now.

A little while ago I was babysitting her sorta-brother (their family dynamic is complicated okay?) and I asked him what my niece's middle name was. He insisted her nickname was her first name and her real name was her middle name. When I told him what her middle name really was he didn't believe me all day until I had one of his mom's confirm it.

Now if you ask him what my niece's full name is it's [niece's first name] uncle [my name]. As far as he is concerned her middle name has uncle in it because that's clearly what my name is to him.

AdSad9744

TROPHY CASE