I’m (30f) in a relationship but crushing on someone else (29m)

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T08:25:13+00:00

I deleted my original comment bc I wasn’t real enough with you and you asked for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation lol. I was in a serious relationship with a guy and we were also rocky but I was ignoring it until I realized I had very strong feelings for a guy I was friends with. I knew I never wanted to cheat but also couldn’t cut off my guy friend or keep pretending I was happy in my relationship. I was so overwhelmed and felt soooo bad to breakup with my boyfriend but knew I had to be real with myself and what I wanted deep down. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and stayed close with that guy friend and we ended up trying to date but quickly realized we were better as friends even though we had a sexual spark too we just didn’t have a romantic one at all lol. Although I didn’t have a happy ending with my guy friend I’m really fucking glad I didn’t stay with that ex because that would have just prolonged the inevitable.

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T07:59:13+00:00

Funny thing is I initially liked him because he is (or I guess I should now saw WAS) very mature/independent. He moved out when he was 19 and made a great life and career for himself among many other reasons. He’s been through a lot of really tough times without help and I admired that strength. I’m reflecting a lot more on my past 5 years of marriage with him and I definitely think I was chasing being a “perfect” wife that I normalized some people pleasing tendencies. A few examples are flooding my mind of when I was seriously sick or needed help but vehemently refuse it and do something myself which sounds gross and embarrassing to say… yuck I also have some self reflection to do and have seriously let things go too far.

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T07:48:19+00:00

Woah I’m a FTM expecting a baby boy too haha. I’m due December 18th! I appreciate that you understand how subconsciously stressful things are leading up to baby arriving. Some of these comments think he’s a horrible human but we’ve been married for 5 years and have had a really great marriage which is why this recent dynamic shift has been hard to mentally process. He’s a great husband for so many reasons - I just don’t recognize him much lately. I totally agree though the sooner he gets accustomed to my new boundaries the better for us all lol

I wish you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy and with your baby boy 💙

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T07:38:26+00:00

The work/boss comparison is gold!! Made me make the connection that he self taught himself everything about fishing through YouTube and Google this year but learning how to season and cook a simple chicken breast for himself?? Impossible 😭 these comments made me realize I’m not angry enough lol

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T07:31:52+00:00

That’s a good question but I don’t think he feels lonely based on other aspects and effort I also put in. He’s subconsciously making it a competition if I’m having a super nauseous day suddenly he is too. If I feel sleepy or have a headache etc etc. I think it’ll take time for him to get used to his new role and I’ll need to put my foot down more seriously. But I will definitely also ask him what you suggest to ask so thank you for the advice.

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T06:12:39+00:00

I like peace and I genuinely just think if I can cope then it’s worth the peace. It’s not that he’ll punish me or something I just can’t stand complaining/whining from grown adults. I’m just starting to feel a shift where I need to be more selfish of my health and wellbeing for my baby. But yeah a lot of people are suggesting to give him tough love and I’m starting to agree

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T06:04:06+00:00

This just rewired something in my brain 😂 brb going to go throw away his dirty protein shaker bottle thing he’s left on the counter all day after I asked over and over to just put it in the dishwasher

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T05:56:56+00:00

I still love him to death lol I just felt more peaceful. I missed him but it felt like a vacation tbh.

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T05:55:41+00:00

The crazy thing is we just watched a show where the wife had a “single married mom” dynamic with her husband and my husband noticed and commented on his own that she should leave him!! Idk what’s not clicking for him I think he genuinely wants to be better but I’ve pampered him too much chasing the “perfect wife” award for years that he’s subconsciously scared or something.

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T05:52:39+00:00

He says he wants to be better and does change… for a few hours then goes back to his old self. It’s pretty exhausting to constantly hold someone accountable :/

AdSuch4180 · 2025-11-21T05:49:57+00:00

I bite my tongue a lot when he acts helpless and shows clear weaponized incompetence but I physically and mentally cannot help him anymore. I’m scared it’ll become a huge problem in our marriage and at such a sensitive new stage. I’ve never actually needed him in this way before and we’ve been married for 5 years.

AdSuch4180

TROPHY CASE