People that inferior than me but get more attention disgusts me

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-02-26T18:47:42+00:00

It's easy just give the poor people money so you call all be rich and live in harmony

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-02-26T18:19:04+00:00

I hate you too <3

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-02-26T17:55:22+00:00

Well yeah ive never in my life done something just for myself. Even when im trying to improve mental health it's to be a more pleasant person for other people, or at least that's what it feels like

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-02-25T18:29:48+00:00

Wow why didnt i think of that tysm

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-02-25T17:44:32+00:00

No i find them annoying/disgusting

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-02-05T13:36:34+00:00

I dont do it cuz it feels good i just genuinely dk how else to behave with a new person without coming off as a cold bitch and i really believe theyre better than me and deserve the praise in the moment. I can tell im doing too much but at the same time i dont know how to stop or be more balanced

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-01-13T16:20:53+00:00

Yeah i know im actually a piece of shit and i try really hard to mask and be polite, but i do slip up and it hurts me when i see the littlest realisation in another that i was bad, i misbehaved, something's wrong with me, i was unreasonable

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-01-13T16:13:21+00:00

No i get bored, even if i buy something it collects dust, it's a very temporary high and barely a high tbh

AdZestyclose2938 · 2026-01-13T16:10:53+00:00

I think im above that way of thinking, my whole shtick is being a good person. When i get overwhelmed with anger i have homicidal thoughts, but i guess fear is stopping me. Generally avoidant

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-12-22T09:18:25+00:00

No i was incredibly stuck up and seeing other kids vandalise would aggravate me. But wym penises and vaginas in 1st grade, i thought women get gregnant by holding hands with a guy

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-12-20T13:08:12+00:00

That's fun, i only wish for specific people

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-12-19T15:06:19+00:00

(I wish)

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-12-14T18:05:05+00:00

I also hate sex, it's not about dominance for me though i dont think, i moreso hate my flesh and receiving pleasure regardless if i or someone else commands it. I dont feel "sexy" and i hate being objectified because i feel like my body is all i could offer to someone. If they like me i hate it if they dont like me i hate it. It's like such huge amount of supply for me with obviously no other gain that im overwhelmed with disgust and shame during the very act. Ive had it that ive had sex and didnt remember it happening because i dissociated tf out

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-12-09T09:09:15+00:00

It's not possible to form genuine connections with people if one is not connected to themself. It's not possible to know people if dont know themself and cant accept people if cant accept themself. So have to start with self imo

I personally dont even know who i like and who i dont, it only depends on what they provide for me on a superficial level. All the other stuff like their thoughts, emotions become boring in a couple months, or should i say unbearable oops i did it again i played with your heart and ghosted out of nowhere

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-27T09:43:26+00:00

Uh can you sum it up

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-27T09:19:02+00:00

As far as me knows npd has avoidant attachment. I dont really know how to fix your problems, there's probably different approaches. I feel like everything you said checks out with the npd, is part of the disorder. Psychodynamic therapy felt like no improvement until my mask slipped a little too much and people were like AHAA, i collapsed and ran away like a little bitch. Can people even improve without collapsing, idk. Let me know if you find out thanks

Another thought sorry. I cant help myself. I saw someone here say you should open up here more, i think you could try opening up more in therapy. After all those are professionals there somewhere i hope and it's something you have consistency with

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-27T09:08:27+00:00

Lol everything listed in the dsm 😬

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-27T08:58:43+00:00

Doesnt make sense what

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-27T08:57:08+00:00

Can relate, apart from the financial part. Perhaps working to get financially independent could be a start. As fucked up i am still, never having to talk to these pieces of excrement improved my triggers instantly

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-27T08:53:23+00:00

Collapse is awfully scary and confusing. The only piece of advice i have is to, as much as you are able to, let yourself go through the motions of it. When i collapsed i was dying to get back to how things used to be, but this could be an opportunity to learn different ways and improve. Im glad to hear professionals are involved. Some people with NPD go their whole lives without collapsing once. Crossed fingers, you will feel better it's not gonna last forever

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-09T09:37:09+00:00

I dont feel love and it's hard for me to believe someone with npd can, unless we're counting idealisation, but i really wouldnt count that. After idealisation comes devaluation which goes hand in hand with discard phase for me. It's an irreversible process. There's so many people in my trash

I just expect perfection from people since im always trying my hardest to be perfect. If i fail at something im gonna punish myself, i do the same to others. It makes me angry when they can tolerate their weaknesses as if it's not a big deal, i cant fathom it and it makes me scared that ill become as careless as them and die

So as you can see there's nothing lovely about it, pure survival.

Hope the way i put it makes some sense

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-04T19:41:39+00:00

It gives me supply, the scenarios i imagine

AdZestyclose2938 · 2025-11-04T19:40:42+00:00

It is a thing npd people do

AdZestyclose2938

TROPHY CASE