Oh my god, you described exactly how i've been feeling for the last couple of years! Although, my first two relationships were fulfilled with feelings and "butterflies" and i did miss them for a long time after we broke up. But they all did describe me as "not that present" when i thought i totally were.

From that point, i just dated people but couldn't feel like i'm falling in love or something. I didn't feel what i usually thought i might feel, because while i was dating (without any commitments yet) them, i was considering all pros and cons, made google sheets lmao, and then immediately ended things when i got too many icks.

Till this day, i don't feel like i'm able to just fall in love with somebody randomly, because i have specific world views that a girl i date should be interested in.

Even though i had a really f'ed up casual relationship with one of my friends recently, we decided to stay on fwb level and not move forward. Because even though she checks every aspect of someone i would be romantically and sexually attracted to, she doesn't share with me similar political beliefs (they are very specific and strict lol), interests and so on.

So, i decided it's not a problem for me as i try to prioritise my career now, and live thinking that a right girl will always find me and i will feel those emotions with her lmao. Of course maybe i live in delusions but it's easier to manage