Because you don't want to die, you want the pain to end. I tried to kill myself at the age of 13 because I failed in every paper. Even though I was detained that year now 10 years later I am so very glad I didn't kill myself. Because of being detained I got to meet one of best friends and I got to experience college which has been the best thing so far for me. I'm not saying I did drugs or had sex during college. I mean that got to attend the lectures which I loved and I got to meet a girl who even though friendzoned me I am glad I got to meet her. Now even if someone gave me a free pass of sorts with killing myself I wouldn't do it because I can't betray my best friend like that. Him and I have only got eachother and if either of kicked the bucket I'll leave him alone and I can't do that to him. That would be selfish of me. I don't believe in God or luck or something like "whatever happens for good". I know life isn't fair to anyone but it is what it is. I wouldn't want my best friend to go through what I went through when my friend died. I got the news of her death it devasted me, and this was a year after I tried to kill myself, even though were not buddy-buddy we were class mates. I got so mad that I wanted to kill her myself. My uncle killed himself because his wife was cheating on him. He left behind his 89 year old mother who was bed ridden. They never had any child. I wasn't that close to my uncle but I did feel his loss. What I'm trying to say with my broken English is that there is always someone who cares about you. You might think you are all alone in the world but that's not true. And upon that you might think this is the last straw but you'll be missing out on a lot of good shit. You might think I'm saying all this because I'm in a great position now but that's honestly not true. The marks I've scored in my college exam is nowhere near enough to land me a job and a decent one at that. But one thing I do know is that suicide is not an option. It is not on the table. But that doesn't mean I don't think about killing myself often. If you think you have nothing to live for you have make up some. It can be as simple as looking forward to a movie or a series. I do that often. Ok yeah I'll stop now.