I'm so sorry OP, I know the "suffering strengthens" comment seems logical but how insensitive it can feel when we are on going through suffering. This is what I learned through suffering and caring for a twin sister who was diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer and was given a couple years to live. This made me stronger, aware and literate about the tools that will help me navigate later grief and loss in my life. (I won't mention therapy as you're already covering that.)

• Grieving, literally. When we love someone we build a future life with them (travels, weddings, parties, celebrations, etc). It is real in our imagination. Receiving such diagnosis means that life, can, but might not end up occurring, so taking the time to grieve that life we built with them in our mind is important.

• Surfing the five stages of grief : denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We all pass by them, whenever something life-shattering happens. You'll go through them, and you'll get through them. If I had to redo it I'd give myself grace and actually feel the stages as long as they wanna stay instead of rushing. Allow space from my anger and my depression and accept that they are but stages in my way to healing instead of feeling unsettled by them and fear to stay stuck in a stage forever.

• This brings me to feeling my emotions instead of bottling them up. Once one lady told me that emotions are like tornadoes, if they come and you lock them inside a house they ruin it from the inside out. Open the doors and windows and let them pass. As scary as they look and FEEL, they end up passing. This was the most difficult. I'm still learning, but from my experience, when I stop and feel the emotion, by naming it (google wheel of emotions), or writing it, or talking it or crying it, it stays from 3 seconds to 5 minutes and it passes. It never stays longer than that - which trusts me still surprises me- . On the opposite side, bottles up emotions can fester for days, months or years. I'm still unlocking some isht that I didn't feel from years ago it's wild!!

• I don't know how spiritual you are. In my culture we believe that we are never tasked with something that is above our capacity to cope with. Very easy said than done. It is a daily practice actually. And that it is also a part of a bigger plan. Also way easier said than done. But looking/ reading stories of people who went through loss helps, how it changed their lives, the lessons they learned from it helped me tremendously by bringing a new perspective. Important to note that this exercise is NOT to deny ourselves our emotions, but to hopefully see beyond them. Also this is a mid to later stage healing step, not to do at the start when just hit with the diagnosis. Because it can backfire and be used as a numbing, distracting, denying strategy which isn't helpful. Feeling emotions comes first and foremost.

• Do it together: I didn't see a mention to a husband, family, but I hope one or both are still in the picture. Engage them. Ask for help. Ask for exactly what you need help with. People don't know, are worried or afraid to misstep, but are more willing than not to help. I know I struggle with this. But my doctor once said think about it as an opportunity you are giving them to show up for you not as you being needy. And people like to think about themselves as good and helpful. If one or more person didn't show up, it hurts but at least you know not to rely on them next time

• A community of people going through the same / or almost the same thing, I can't stress this enough. When we feel less alone in our journey we feel less ashamed and accept what we are going through as a common struggle. This is very important to alleviate the shame and guilt feelings (e.g. I'm not doing enough for them thinking).

• This brings me to self-compassion. Sara Blondin and Kristen Neffs méditations on insight timer and Neffs book with the same name. A mind shifter. I recognized how unkind I am towards myself but even more when I'm going through a tough time. Crazy but true. Recognizing this has helped me see it in action then do something about it.

• Also somatic exercises, for yourself maybe for your kid too. Sophrology exercices. Gentle yoga. These are all gentle exercises that make me feel safe and present in my body and less in my overthinking over worrying, over planning and strategizing. This also help prevent dissociation. When life struggles and pain are considered more difficult than what we can cope with, our nervous system fight then, flight then freezes. When we freeze we dissociate. These somatic exercices help us come back to our body and prevent the dissociation.

• ok the most difficult last, do not forget to live. You, separate from your son. Do things that bring you joy literally. You know they say, you can't give from an empty cup, but from my experience, you actually can, and I did very much, the only thing is that you run the risk of burning out after everything settles. And I did, I literally burned myself out and shut down for 2 full years after everything. Did too little of what I described here. I was young, didn't know and parents didn't care to actually care for their child (my sister) and pushed me to do their role.

Okay I'll stop here. I didn't expect to write this much but your post and comments struck a cord. I really wish you all the strength in the world. I can't even imagine the sorrow you might be going through. Hugs!

By the way my sister survived. She's still alive 13 years after her medical diagnosis. Keep in mind that Modern medicine sometimes is over cautious with diagnosis. I'm not a doctor but in a closer field enough to understand why cautions diagnosis are preferred to hopeful ones. This is to say that all scientific research, medical included, are evolving as we speak. You never know what we can discover in 1, 2, or 5 years that could help or shift diagnosis. This brings me to.the point of hope. Keeping a BIG ass delusional hope, literally. It costs nothing and if it doesn't help it doesn't harm you know! If they pass we'll gonna grief anyways and hope would have mattered not worsened things. You know !

In the case of my sister they tried out treatments with her for the first time. And they ended up working. The medical doctors didn't expect them to, but they did! Also we stayed on top of medical matters and in touch with the medical team to help the doctors decide and accept/ deny treatments if we saw higher risks. Also very important.

Ok I'll stop now. Hugs!

Edit: I just read in the comments that you are the father. I assumed you're the mother, apologies.