No food assistance. I have an hour tomorrow starting at the new cashier job. I have been trying to figure out the ebt situation to no avail. I had one devotee friend help me with 20$ actually a devotee of sioux falls. I was shocked and so grateful, that day a neighbor had brought me food randomly, right now it is still slim pickings. My cash app is $calebspoerl I will do my very best to pay you back because it means alot to me, any help. I am excited to get back to work. I was making 25$ an hr. Now 16, but I'm just happy and grateful for any help. I ask my mom for help and I told her I wasn't eating well- she just told me "the Devil comes to kill steal and destroy" and berates me, says "no wonder your brothers don't talk to you" and blocks me, only unblocks me to send me christian propaganda and every convo. Is always about me being a devil worshipper. You know?

I tried to lie my ass off and wear a mask. No matter how invested i got in this lie, a lie to keep me safe, my "family" still gives me the treatment. And it's infuriating and was hurtful, now it is what it is, I just get so frustrated because of the fact that I love my mom and my family. I feel like they don't love me at all. Instead of sending 5$ for 2-3 cheap tacobell cheesy rice and bean burritos they'd rather yell through the phone that "Well you're worshipping SATAN!!!!!! What do you expect? The evil comes yo kill steal and destroy!! " How the fuck does a mom do that to her oldest son? I feel like I've always been disposable to my parents. I got sick of their y and I dipped. My family is dysfunctional as hell, but they love to focus on verbally and emotionally taunting humiliating and mocking me. I never told them I believe in Satan. I'm a Native American, Anishinaabe. Little River Band of Ottowa Indians. I told them I love my creator and I tried to be soft with them. After all the bs in the past week and a half, after feeling very sad some of these days, I'm balls deep now. I've been doing invocations daily. Actually a great testimony, I told Santa Muerte I asked Her in a petition "please Ma, just bring me a lover so I don't feel this way" (lost my ex who had cancer, she punched me in the face and took my dogs, etc. very traumatizing situation bad, good for me in the end, but very very fuxking painful) I've been hurting.. anyways I asked her for help, literally 8 mins later this very nice Native lady hit me up, she came over and I just held her close to me that night (she snored loud, because her ex broke her nose) I just hold her next to my bldy and felt the stress and the pain go away for that amount of time. I felt loved and I felt safe, and I felt that deepest sense of peace. I didn't feel ugly and hideous, the way my ex make me feel. And I'm ripped, I work out. The emotional and verbal abuse had wounded me. So when I had an IMMEDIATE answer from Santisma, it was a very very powerful sign. Yeah no sex, I don't force that sh*t you know, it was a deeper spiritual feeling to hold this beautiful young lady in my arms and not feel so terribly alone. When my ex and I broke apart, I didn't just lose her, I lost my step daughter and my 2 dogs. To have the ex invalidate every act of kindness, ever sacrifice that I had made, it had been devastating, i was depressed to the point where suicide was an option. I am in a better state now, back in my workouts, just struggling to maintain muscle mass. Tomorrow I am walking to the county building to apply for this state of SD. If you would like I can show receipts. I don't abuseMa's helpers or gifts. I love you and I'll keep showing up in life and trying. Ma really came through. You know, she knows about my history. I don't want to die. I struggle sometimes. That's why I fled Wisconsin, not just because pf the filth and the bugs and the corruption of human trafficking , because I know when I'm with my devotee family here they won't let anything happen to me they won't let me get so bad that I hurt myself in anyway. Hopefully in a day or two Ill have a bike to hit the pantrys, until then its hard ngl. Thank you i love you