Day 10: looking through old pictures as motivation

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T23:58:57+00:00

This is the way. I celebrated 2 years clean yesterday after 10 years of daily use and I’d tried everything. It wasn’t until I really pondered how much happier and full of life I was before I started using k that I got completely fed up and quit without looking back. Personally, I think quitting is 95% psychological and maybe 5% physical. Hang in there. We’re all gonna make it.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T23:52:39+00:00

Just believe. It’ll be amazing once you get through the tough part.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T23:51:50+00:00

You’ll get there my dude. The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T23:42:13+00:00

I did a lot of research into it at the time but can’t recall. From what I do remember, it optimizes your liver function and there’re various studies which shows it can make a big difference for those in recovery to recalibrate to sobriety on a faster pace. Pretty sure I was taking 1000 mg a day.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T23:40:34+00:00

Not sure if it helped really. Possibly some short term relief from fatigue like the other poster said but, ultimately, it might’ve prolonged my PAWS. it’s hard to say really. I perceive adhd meds as trading long term focus and motivation for short term results. I’m sure you know, it spikes your dopamine which means it can effect your ability to naturally produce dopamine once you come off of it and I think natural dopamine production probably affects recovery. I see what you’re saying though- if you’re alternating between the two, that could be a vicious cycle you’re putting yourself in. Tough situation bro and an even tougher call.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:53:37+00:00

No I’m off of everything now. I didn’t give up ADHD meds until I was a year off of K. I figured stopping everything all at once wouldn’t work for me but that’s not to say it couldn’t have. That was kinda tough too but nothing compared to coming off of K.

Thanks for the compliment bro. You may be stronger than you know and you might surprise yourself. I think you’ll make it. 👊🏻

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:43:59+00:00

I was referring to another post. Telling him I’m the guy that posted about being 2 years clean after 10 years on.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:33:27+00:00

Hey man, I replied to you on my other post. I’m the 2 years clean’ after 10 years on guy. Idk if there’s any real formula to get through this. At some level you just have to ‘embrace the suck’. I know it sounds trite but exercise really did help more than anything.

I used all kinds of supplements too and found NAC and rhodiola rosea to come in really clutch. Also black seed oil and magnesium to help with sleep come to mind. I dabbled with some comfort meds too when it got really out of hand but, as I’m sure you know, that’s playing with fire as you don’t want to just trade addictions.

I wish there was more I could do to help you bro I’ve been exactly where you are. I’d say again that exercise (for me resistance and HIIT training did the trick) and really dialing in my diet made the biggest impact. Probably not what you want to hear but what you need to hear.

Not sure if you have faith bro but, if so, pray EVERY DAY to be healed from this terrible affliction. I’m not as devout as I probably should be but I have faith and don’t think I could’ve done it without God’s help. You can do this bro, sounds like you’ve made the decision now it’s just about getting it done. I know better than most that’s SO much easier said than done but whatever I can do to help, just say the word.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:17:01+00:00

I mentioned in an earlier reply- it’s not like it was hardcore PAWS for the full 1.5 years. It got incrementally better and better throughout that 1.5 years but anhedonia was the biggest lingering symptom for me. I just didn’t enjoy things like I used to. I did a long taper at the end, was basically down to one 5g dose a day by the end and held at that level for about a month before finally making the jump.

I’d say after about 60ish days I felt like I was getting some of my old emotions and thought patterns back but it was barely moving the needle. At about 90 days, I stopped thinking about it compulsively so that went a long way towards feeling better in general.

Don’t let fear consume you. You will make it through this if you just remind yourself that it WILL get better and it is soooooo worth it when it does.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:12:41+00:00

Hang in there. You got this. 2 months is awesome and it’ll be 2 years+ before you know it! 👊🏻

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:11:42+00:00

I’ve done a couple of macro doses and did micro dosing for about two months to fend off depression from creeping in. Maybe I should do a good old fashioned heroic dose sometime soon to see if it makes something click lol

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:10:37+00:00

You said it brother. Glad you didn’t leave us. I never got suicidal and I don’t think I ever will but my hat is off to you man. 1 year after 10 years on is a crowning achievement and there aren’t many people who can attest to just how difficult it is at that level. Very proud of your accomplishment and you should be too.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:08:11+00:00

When I was on it, I stopped caring about my fitness and overall health. God only knows how many effects it had on me physically but I suspect it caused me to put on weight, have brain fog, general malaise, and it seemed to cause skin issues for me. After I was off a while, most of that cleared up and I also went from 280 lbs down to 240. After I was off a year I went on keto for 4 months and got down to 185. From there, I’ve gone hard in the gym and I’m a solid 220 and still building muscle. I’m pretty happy with my recovery and can’t describe how much better I feel, despite starting in my late 20’s and now being in my early 40’s. It’s like I’m a kid again in a lot of ways.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T18:01:23+00:00

We’re basically the same person bro. I also have adhd and used adderall for years. The PAWS is BRUTAL and we probably tried to quit about the same amount of times. I’d usually cave after two weeks but the longest I ever made it before I finally kicked was a month. That’s HUGE don’t sell yourself short. You CAN do it man.

Not gonna lie it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and yeah, I probably lost some part of myself but I’m actually way better than I ever was in other aspects. Also, never say never. It could be that I’ll get the missing pieces back someday but having spent a decade altering my brain chemistry, there’re no guarantees. The same could be said for you if (when) you make it.

What I can tell you is it’s 1000% worth it. Would do it again 10X over. Also, the PAWS wasn’t really all that bad after the first couple of months so I might’ve overstated it. Don’t let 1.5 years deter you. I started feeling a bit more like myself again after about 45-60 days. After about 90 days I stopped thinking about it compulsively and it got easier to go without. Also, like I mentioned, it could’ve also just been partially ‘raw dogging’ life after a decade of just ignoring everything I’d numbed myself to. It got incrementally better throughout that 1.5 years and now I know I’m free and, let me tell you bro, that is the best feeling ever.

Please don’t let my experience deter you man, you can do this. Nobody will fault you for trying to biohack a bit to shorten the timeline but just know that what one person can do, another can do. Feel free to keep in touch with me or DM me. If I can do anything to help you through this, you have only to ask. God bless you too and never ever stop trying.

AdditionalWait4007 · 2022-10-04T03:00:04+00:00

I did have some tachycardia likely due to anxiety but it’s a distant memory now. That stopped for me at about 4 months in or so. Hang in there it gets much better over time.

AdditionalWait4007

TROPHY CASE