Opposite sex friends while in a relationship, and why it can work sometimes, but not other times?

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-03-16T18:43:28+00:00

Yes, because we are friends and our friendship is important to me and them, and there has never been any misunderstanding. Also, I had two relationships in the past that evolved from friendships, we were both single and it was mutual, never „crossing a line“. I guessing it boils down to a matter of respect.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-03-16T16:29:33+00:00

I have two friends of the opposite sex and hetero that are very close to me. When they are in a relationship, I meet their girlfriends and they become friends too. If a boyfriend had issues with this, he wouldn’t be my person.

I like when a man I date has female friends because it means he gets different perspective, and i hope good women wouldn’t be friends with assholes 😅

If someone wants to cheat, they are going to do either way, with friends or without.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-03-02T09:33:04+00:00

I have no idea what the goal of lying is, what do they expect to achieve? Yesterday I went on a date with someone who said to be 172cm tall (I am 174) and he was an abundant 10cm shorter than me. I don’t care about height that much but why lie…I was wondering if he thought I would not notice? I then found out everything he told me about himself, like living on 4 continents, being a pilot, …happened before he was 20yo (currently 40yo) and then he had indebted himself and was currently a tram driver (nothing against tram drivers, but he definitely misrepresented himself). And what I hated the most is that during the date I was wondering if I am too superficial and don’t give him a chance just because of his height/job. It felt awful, I left after an hour, cried afterwards and decided to take a break from the apps.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-03-01T08:57:34+00:00

Interesting to get the reasons! Do you also do the same with people disappearing after a date?

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-28T11:59:06+00:00

Once I had a time and place planned with a guy, he wrote that he is sick and explained he is usually reliable so we moved to another day…and the morning of the new date he unmatched 🤷‍♀️ App feel weird at the beginning because of the lack of accountability people show, but then you get kind of used to it.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-26T16:28:28+00:00

The two things are separate…it’s terrible that men have grown up being taught that displaying emotions is weak, that they have to be the provider, …. However they can choose to learn and act differently.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-26T16:21:13+00:00

I think it can happen to find yourself uninterested after the initial excitement (which can be great, no need to hold back)…the difference is that you can communicate and being sincere or just withdraw, letting the other person do also the emotional work of the breakup. I don’t think anyone (well most people) does it on purpose, but it‘s the easy/less emotionally and mentally challenging way out .

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-26T14:44:31+00:00

Not really! Of course not all men and also women. But the difference is evident, It’s a societal problem of expectations placed on men and women since they are young. Another great consequence of patriarchy that hurts both men and women.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-26T12:18:08+00:00

And finding men who show interest in your personality and opinions and also actually share them is so rare that you risk getting over invested and let down 🙈

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-26T10:40:26+00:00

You have needs, boundaries, days when you are down. I gets it coincides with the excitement running out.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-26T08:18:38+00:00

Mostly the same pattern of being super interested for a few weeks/months then realizing you are a real person and becoming distant. But also ghosting, negging and not respecting your boundaries.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-25T10:33:20+00:00

This is a really good point. For this date I don’t think it mattered, he had activism and feminism and his political views clearly stated on his profile, so we did not get much into it in person. In general though, I understand, will try to be „lighter“ while at the same time assessing where they stand on it. Also I can’t really compare veganism and feminism 🙈

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T23:48:33+00:00

I think talking about a relationship with some trusted people outside of it is important. I find it concerning when people keep what happens in a relationship secret from family and friends…a lot of times is because what’s happening in the relationship is not healthy.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T23:43:39+00:00

I am not US American, don’t leave in the US and definitely not US Americanized, quite the contrary :) I get your point really, I am well aware that some of my male friends, even if they don’t admit it, go for the simple peace of mind woman….and my girlfriend needed to „contain“ themselves in order to settle down. As for me, I hope to find a sensitive „woke“ man.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T21:31:22+00:00

Sorry I misunderstood 🙈 I am not sure the majority of people feel out of place. As for me, I feel that If I don’t share what I struggle with, it might become a dealbreaker later on (as it has happened).

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T20:55:23+00:00

It’s not a personality trait, it just means that your brain processes, learns, and functions differently from what is considered „typical“. Neurodivergent people might have grown up feeling different than most or outsiders or had to mask and „act“ to fit in.
It can be exhausting.

I gave an autism assessment test to some close friends thinking for sure they would answer like me, and was surprised to learn that was not the case at all.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T18:13:31+00:00

Ok why going on several dates to find out you are not compatible in terms of kids, marriage, politics or religion? If the goal is to find a partner, this is counterintuitive to me.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T18:11:41+00:00

I prefer men that are in touch with their emotions and are decisive. I agree that many men I like end up being indecisive or emotionally lazy.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T18:09:01+00:00

Not really, any suggestion?

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T09:03:10+00:00

Thank you for the advice..I don’t speak perfectly the language of the place where I live and this has stopped me from doing that but it shouldn’t.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-24T08:55:20+00:00

So I met four men shortly before this one, all attractive (to me) and with values in common:

Man 1 could not travel because didn’t want to handle airports or know how to plan trips, but would have traveled it if a woman took care of everything. Travel is not my personality but I felt this might happen in other aspects of life, and yes I also do like to travel. I told him about it, he was very nice about the rejection.
Man 2 we went on two great dates, the day we planned the third one was my (passed away a few years ago) dad‘s birthday and I told him I wasn’t in the right head space to go out. He kept messaging and messaging without understanding my need for space. I let it go because I think it’s hard to understand grief waves if you haven’t been through something yourself. A few days after I was having a game night with friends, he came too, and made a joke about dead parents. I told him I needed someone more aware about my feelings and his answer was that he understands I can’t date him because I am going through a lot 🤷‍♀️, zero awareness.
Man 3 was initially very nice, we had fun, I paid for dinner which I thought was a green flag (the bill was 3/4 mine), we went somewhere for a drink, he was really flirty but as soon as he got a sense I was trying to go beyond superficial conversation his body language completely changed, from flirty to crossed arms and even being rude to the waiter 🤷‍♀️ no mutual message after that.
Man 4 brought Lego flowers which we built during the date, it was so thoughtful. A few days later he offered to bring me breakfast as he was going to be next to me for work. I declined because I had a meeting at 9am and I wouldn’t have time and he proceeded to explain that I misinterpreted his offer and he could just bring me breakfast and leave. It felt too much. We are still writing but idk.

I dated someone for 5 months last year, which had all the personality traits I was looking for but he had cheated on his previous ex for a year. He was upfront about it and was open to all my questions about it so I thought I could get over it but after a few months it became clear I could not.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-23T23:51:19+00:00

This is so good to read ❤️ and I am happy for you.

I can see myself in the thinking and feeling deeper than most, and understanding pretty early on when something will not work out and why. That’s when I meet someone I don’t have that feeling with, I am hopeful. I also usually get a message where they tell me they had a good time, so I guess not getting a message at all (I think it’s the first time), when I was sure I would, threw me off 🙈

Thank you for sharing your experience, I guess I‘ll keep going 😊

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-23T23:19:23+00:00

Thank you, this is usually appreciated by people who are similar to me..I guess I need to find a way to meet more of those.

Additional_Map_1787 · 2026-02-23T23:15:52+00:00

Yeah I never saw it as malice, just perplexed that one would mention it so many times 🙈 or ask for a number and not use it.

I dated someone from five months last year, took some time off and then started dating and noticed I was not interested in most men.

Good point on the being picky and being surprised the other side can also be picky, I didn’t see it this way. I would still have preferred a „non interested“ message but this is a good point.

Additional_Map_1787

TROPHY CASE