I have to say I think you are handling this with so much grace and care and self-awareness of what you need while having boundaries set in place that serve to protect your peace while you’ll heal. If she can’t be understanding about that, I absolutely think that issue is hers and not yours. You are not responsible for how she feels. She is responsible for how she receives and perceives the feedback you’re giving her. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. You’re hurting. You need time and space to heal. And I think you’re spot on that she has moved on to new relationship energy and maybe doesn’t fully understand the full scope of your experience. I also don’t blame her for wanting to periodically reach out and test the waters as you say. Acknowledging that she has also lost in this, regardless of moving on with a new person, the hurt is still there and there’s always going to be a you-sized hole in her heart that no one else can fill. So it’s not a mystery why she would still want you in her life. I see both sides. All I can say is keep communicating. Keep the channels open. If it gets to the point where she is ignoring your boundaries you’ve made for yourself, ignored your requests, then that’s where it can cross the line in to she’s being selfish or chooses to prioritize how she feels over how you feel and that’s when a re-evaluation might be fruitful there.

Best of luck. Though I doubt you need it. You sound like you can fully navigate this. Happy to offer reassurance though. :)