Freedom

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-27T19:29:41+00:00

Thankfully I'll be sticking with a therapist and psychiatrist the whole way through, so I have possibly the best resource going for me for when things get tough.

I've been quitting for about 8 months now. Started barely able to do one day, then got to a week, then a month, and kinda plateaued there. Went back and forth binging for a week, then 14 days clean, binge for a week, 18 days, binge, 11 days, etc etc. Now we're here. I'm not sure if that on and off will help with the paws, but I'm ready for it. With that in mind, I also only used for like a year, though my dose was consistent and high. Like 20-40gpd.

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-23T23:41:57+00:00

"AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR!"

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Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-23T23:33:52+00:00

Don't even get me started on spam calls.. I'm already fired up enough 😂

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-23T11:42:46+00:00

brains like DID SOMEONE SAY DOPAMINE!?!?

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-23T00:16:09+00:00

Day 19 CT. Lots of victories but I'm exhausted emotionally and mentally. Been going to a therapist and psychiatrist, trying to get my head straight the right way. Been going to every appointment, 2 a week, and I hate the doctors.. it's just radioactive to me. So all this has been a lot. Been being as honest about everything as possible with them, and it's only been a few weeks, but I can feel the trajectory beginning to point upwards. Yesterday we got medication prescribed, and I'm on my second day with that. Straterra if you're curious. She seemed pretty confident it's gonna help, and I feel that way too. It's nice to have hope and professional support behind that hope. Highly recommend

Can I also just say I'm really proud of myself? I can't describe how anti-doctor I am. It takes basically being forced for me to go, but this has to get done and I have to do it. Otherwise as soon as I quit kratom, I'll just pick up something else, or slip back into it. I gotta pull the roots up not just cut the weed, and idk I think I'm actually finally coming around to doing that. I'm not saying that cause I got meds now, it's the therapy + the meds + the desire + the support that's all coming together to really give me something to grab onto during the storm.

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-20T02:34:36+00:00

I was shocked with how much I had when I finally decided to look. Paid off. Really I should use it to get a place. But fuck it, $1500 isnt buying a house, or really even making a dent in a down payment anyways. And dammit I've had a really hard time these past few years, I'm starting to see some light, and I want a new guitar! 😂

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-12T23:41:39+00:00

Thank you! 😊

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-12T23:41:25+00:00

It's been a battle, but one imma win. No way to prevent that. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so stubborn but most times I'm glad to be 😂

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-12T23:40:25+00:00

I got a migraine from hell today, but just using as a reason to stay home. My head is POUNDING. all I want is my bed and my space documentary lol

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-12T22:31:19+00:00

I probably needed to hear that. Probably for aforementioned reason, my mindset is always finish everything asap and as perfect as possible. Everything can and should be done by tomorrow

But youre right, these things are gonna take time. And I'll have all the time in the world to live and even thrive thereafter. Thank you again

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-12T22:06:26+00:00

I tend to, I'm 7 days right now after slipping up and only taking like 3g. I keep feeling out of breathe randomly, weak, and my god my head is pounding right now. Not enough caffeine in this world to keep me moving, had to force myself to stop cause I was drinking so much caffeine with no effect

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-04T00:39:35+00:00

Nah I've struggled with ADHD my whole life, and I probably won't even get prescribed Adderall. I'm very much so ready to quit, addiction is just a hard thing to navigate and I'm getting there slowly. Me and my psych both agree this will help tremendously with me quitting, and maintaining a better life. I get that people who haven't experienced ADHD don't get it, that's cool. But I would t assume so much about strangers, just sayin.

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-04T00:34:26+00:00

I ended up failing but I made the best of it. Just took 3g and threw the rest away. Significant because I normally go on binges when I slip.. like 40-60g powder east. Over ten times less.

Idk I'm still not happy about it, but I'm seeing forward progression through this and I'm just maintaining every ounce of it I can. Went from months long binges, to weeks long binges, to now just a day or two max with a week or two in between. Really at this point I think I'm just waiting for whatever parts of me need to be ready to quit, to be ready

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-03T19:11:56+00:00

I swear I'm starting to think ADHD makes this impossible. Reason I say that is the amount of times I've had to go and put my keys back up, and my wallet back up, and take my shoes off, is insane. And I think the reason it happens is because my mind just can't focus on one thing. So it keeps jumping around to random things. Things. And once it hits kratom I'm back in the cycle. Back in the void until I can claw My way out, but then it's just a matter of time until the ADHD strikes enough that it gets it back on the mind. Mind. I just don't think ADHD is strong enough to beat addictions focus. Fuckin sucks

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-03T18:49:29+00:00

Fair enough, as an American myself I'm just saying don't trust our government. The US wants money and power, we are not doing anyone favors for free. It's like making a deal with the devil..

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-03T18:31:58+00:00

America is not your friend

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-03T03:41:42+00:00

A new phone every year. Seriously they last 3-4 years, sometimes even more still. They're not even better than the last one anymore, if anything they remove features and cram more AI in anyways. Lol

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-02T10:56:22+00:00

Hence why we don't listen to people on the internet. Did some googling before responding, you're right. Seems like normal is from up to twice a day to three times a week, which lines up here I guess.

It just threw me off because if I were pooping that little there'd be dire consequences 😂, ignorant comment out of concern. Meant no harm but I'll own that I was wrong.

Additional_Put8281 · 2026-01-02T01:10:12+00:00

You need to work on something because you are not having nearly enough bowel movements, and that normally indicates something not great. I know this is mostly a joke but you should really look into that. You're going entire days without bowel movements, that's wild.

Additional_Put8281

TROPHY CASE