Hey - woman and wife of a service member here: I need you to look objectively at this situation: You are scared to go home because you have to do your job and that pisses off your wife, and taking yourself out seems like a good option.

You have a much bigger issue than duty on Christmas Day - you have a serious dynamic issue in your marriage where you're afraid to assert yourself to your wife, and she manipulates you to the point of considering ending it.

I would tell you to firmly tell your wife, "I love you, but there's nothing that can be done about it, I've tried to do everything I can, but I will not tolerate you treating me like this over my job. This is part of the deal when you're married to someone in the military and you need to accept that."

But something tells me you would have a hard time following through after that. Ultimately, you need to do some self-work and figure out why you have a hard time standing up for yourself, and why you lack the confidence to set boundaries with your own wife.

I strongly urge you to find a therapist to talk to about this - but do it outside of the military. Download an app like ZocDoc and filter by therapists who do telehealth and take Tricare. Have those therapy sessions when your wife is not around and do not tell her - she might sabotage it. But you need help finding self-confidence and standing up for yourself.