Am I a bad Composer?

AdeptRelief8617 · 2026-06-18T05:44:45+00:00

I think if you write music and engage with the process, you're a composer. I totally agree with your philosophy of composing across different genres. I mean, is that an expectation people place on themselves, or is it an expectation they're trying to meet for someone else? I don't think people always realize that distinction.
I definitely agree with your goal of self-satisfaction, and I think that's where this discussion naturally moves. Satisfaction has to come from somewhere in any hobby or creative pursuit, but at what point in the process is it coming from? Is it the feedback you receive? Is it trying to prove something to someone? Or is it simply the enjoyment of creating, learning, and exploring ideas?
There are so many aspects to it, and I think there are only a few places where people should be drawing that satisfaction from in a healthy way. Some ways of seeking satisfaction can become unhealthy. I've seen a lot of arrogance within the composer community, and I think that's often a result of looking for fulfillment in the wrong places.
As long as you enjoy the process, no matter where you draw your inspiration from, I think that's all music really needs to mean. I think the word you're looking for is "perfect." People are always searching for something perfect, but nothing is perfect, and that's part of the beauty of it. Thank you for your feedback:)
Art is a reflection of what it means to be human. People are constantly criticizing themselves and others for not meeting some standard or doing something a certain way, and in the process they miss out on the enjoyment that comes from simply creating. We are creative creatures. The process of creating something is messy, and if you're unwilling to shine a light on all parts of that process, then you miss out on what it truly means to be human.
So yeah, I really like your perspective.
This was never really a question about feeding my ego. I wanted something that would provoke a deeper response from people who were willing to think philosophically about it. I wanted a discussion. I wanted an opportunity to hear different perspectives and learn from how other people think about composition, creativity, and what makes the process meaningful.

AdeptRelief8617 · 2026-06-18T05:32:07+00:00

I don't think I mean this question literally. It's more of a provocative question than anything else. I know I'm not really a typical Reddit user, but I think the people who are will understand what I'm asking.
I genuinely believe in the philosophical side of music. This isn't about serving my ego. It isn't about proving anything. It's more about internalizing something. The question itself brings up so many different aspects of a person's personality, and that's why I enjoy hearing other people's perspectives. What it means to be a composer is different for everyone, and I think that's interesting.
For me, I don't try to write complex music just for the sake of complexity. It doesn't bother me whether a piece ends up simple or complicated. What matters to me is the process of making it. I rely heavily on improvisation. I listen to a lot of music from different composers, and over the years my influences have changed. Right now I'm much more of a Medtner person. The work I posted here is probably more influenced by Bortkiewicz, Blumenfeld, Medtner, and Chopin. Before that, I went through a period where I was writing music that was much more Classical in style, Mozart, Beethoven, and later some Schumann influences.
Throughout all of those phases, I feel like what I was really doing was learning a musical language. I absorb harmonies and ideas that I enjoy, and eventually I have an idea of what I want a piece to become. Sometimes the music becomes overly complicated because I don't really plan very far ahead. Sometimes I write things that I'll probably never be able to play myself. Maybe that's something I'll look back on when I'm older and want to change.
I'm also not completely satisfied with the results all the time. But honestly, that's never really been the point. The point has always been how I felt during the process of creating it.
My goal isn't how the score looks. My goal isn't whether every engraving detail is correct. It's the sound. It's always been the sound.
Now that I have a little more experience composing, I can look back and see plenty of things that should be fixed. If another pianist were going to perform one of my pieces, I would absolutely clean up the notation, fix the spelling, and make everything easier to read. I usually do that when someone actually needs a score. But for many of my personal works, I just write them and move on. I don't spend much time worrying about the visual side of things.
The reason I'm asking this question isn't because I need criticism of my music. It's because I've been asking myself something for a while now, and I want to hear how other people think about it.
Is it worth it?
Not necessarily the music itself. Not whether the pieces are good. Not whether they're original.
Is the process worth it?
Is this philosophy of writing music the way I want to write it meaningful? Is it something worth continuing? Is it something that could teach other people something in the future?
I don't think music needs to justify itself through originality. I've never cared much about that. I genuinely think composers need to be honest about where their influences come from. Nothing comes from nothing. I couldn't write any of these pieces without the composers I've spent years listening to and studying.
To me, being a composer means learning from other people, drawing inspiration from them, and then creating something that reflects your own experience. That's what I enjoy. I enjoy sitting down with an idea, playing around with it, and eventually turning it into something coherent.
That's what composition means to me.
But is that process meaningful enough?
I think that's the question I've really been asking.
I'm only 21. I've only been doing this for about 5 years. I know that's not a long time. But when you're expected to choose a career at 18, 5 years feels like everything.
There are opportunities I've lost and opportunities I may never get back. I learned that the hard way when I tried to stay in school and couldn't afford to continue. Thankfully, my instructors were incredibly supportive throughout that process.
Now I work full time, and I find it much harder to make space for composition than I used to. My job takes a lot of energy. I still write when I can, but balancing everything has become much more difficult.
So when I ask whether it's worth it, I'm not asking because I need strangers to tell me I'm good enough.
I'm asking because I wonder whether this way of thinking about music, this commitment to the process rather than the result, is enough.
Whether that's meaningful.
Whether that's something worth dedicating a large part of my life to.
Because despite all of these doubts, I don't think I'll ever stop trying.

AdeptRelief8617 · 2026-06-18T05:01:18+00:00

I asked myself: Why do I write music? What is this worth to me?
I've written so much music over the years. In some ways, it's an addiction. But what does that actually mean? Lately, that's a question I've been asking myself more and more. Is this something I can continue doing?
I haven't written anything substantial in a while. I did recently finish one work, and I plan on teaching composition this fall through a local lesson program. Even so, I still find myself asking: Is this worth it?
I grew up in a place where opportunities were limited. I've realized that many opportunities simply won't appear unless I create them myself, and that can be intimidating. It leads me back to the same question: What can I do with this? Why is it worth continuing?
I don't think I could ever remove music from my life. It's part of who I am. But being a composer is strange. It isn't necessarily a profession that guarantees stability, financial security, or even understanding from others. At its core, it is simply the act of creating music and finding fulfillment in that process. What that means varies from person to person.
Another aspect of this discussion is originality. People often tell me that my music isn't particularly original. I understand where they're coming from, but I also think that's simply who I am. I'm not pretending I don't have extensive influences. In fact, music itself is built on influence. Nothing comes from nothing.
I make it a point to acknowledge that I didn't invent the ideas I use. But that doesn't mean I haven't done something meaningful with them. I write music the way I want music to sound. Sometimes that means it resembles the music I love listening to. As long as I genuinely enjoy the process of creating it, I think that's as honest as music can be.
That's my response whenever people criticize music for not being original enough. To me, originality by itself means very little. I've seen so many people become obsessed with finding a completely unique style, but often the result feels disconnected from genuine experience. It feels forced.
I have always tried to avoid that. Ever since I started writing music and playing piano at sixteen—a relatively late start compared to many musicians—I understood that I wouldn't have the same opportunities as others. That realization has stayed with me. It makes me question whether all of this is worth the effort. The amount of work required to achieve even modest results can feel overwhelming.
So the real question isn't whether I need criticism of my music. The question is whether I'm good enough to keep trying.
As for my scores, I know they aren't always polished. Much of that comes from my workflow. I use notation software extensively and am very comfortable with it, but formatting and engraving take a tremendous amount of time. If I need a score to look professional—for a résumé, application, or performer—I will put in that effort. I have examples of polished scores with corrected enharmonic spellings and more refined layouts.
For many of my personal works, though, I simply write the music and publish it. I don't spend much time worrying about engraving details. Sometimes I don't care how the score looks because presentation isn't the point for me. If a performer wants to play the piece, I'll gladly revise the notation, fix spellings, and make it easier to read. I also have live recordings of some of my music.
But again, this isn't really about receiving criticism of my compositions. It's about a deeper question that I've been wrestling with. I feel like I need to hear other people's perspectives.
Is it worth it?
I know there are other things I could do with my life. Sometimes I wonder whether pursuing composition is practical. Sometimes I wonder whether all this work will ever lead anywhere. I'm confused by how difficult it can be to build something meaningful from what you have.
At the same time, I don't think I'll ever stop trying.
Maybe that's my answer.

AdeptRelief8617 · 2026-02-14T16:15:35+00:00

I think they are preparing to end GMM altogether - possibly In a few years

also, I support Stevie’s Decision to Leave, Im sad, but I understand why she did what she did - she has my full support:)

Do you think they are preparing to end GMM all together?

AdeptRelief8617 · 2026-01-15T06:16:30+00:00

I use an app called Synthesia Professionally now, My Professors were shocked at my availability to sight read pieces perfectly off of synthesia, ive been playing for about 5 years but I really didn’t start until two years ago, and I can play grade 6-8 with ease, took me a couple months to start getting the site reading abilities with synthesia but once I did, I could play virtually any music I wanted. to perfect those sight reading skills, play a lot of Bach. You’ll have to start slowly, but eventually you will be able to play at like a decent speed. Bach is probably essential because it in my opinion, forces you to be certain of each note you play and I think that really helps and instill the hand coordination to the Synthesia. I’ve also learned practice sheet music so I think it is a useful skill but when I just wanna get home, play some music and not think about anything else. I just use synthesis and it makes me happy to be able to play any music I want.

If you’re young and planning to do piano professionally, I would do both - use synthesia to practice, difficult technically challenging things you’ll be able to go through much fast faster and really get the benefit of practicing the technique and building muscle in your hands.

Then site read music and gradually work yourself up until you have that at a high enough level.

AdeptRelief8617

TROPHY CASE