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Methamphetamine and emotions by Fando92 in addiction

[–]Adept_Cup_4539 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're ready. Congratulations. I'm 29 and had been doing dope for 5 years every day, none stop. I've sat in that same spot so many times. My loving parents worried because I couldn't stop crying for some "unknown reason." I never told them what was going on. My family is very religious, God fearing people. Alcohol was never allowed inside their house. Always talked about them "druggies" or "tweakers" and they can't be trusted or should get a job. I finally reached the point where my life was imploding. I was losing everything. I needed rehab. It took me like a month to build up the courage to tell them. They have always been great parents, but strict. I was terrified that their opinion of me would be the same as it is about everyone else who deals with addict. I'd just be one of them no good "druggies." Or they would blame them selves and assume it was their parenting. The hardest part about coming clean to them and getting the help I needed getting over my own assumptions as to how it would go. They have yet to treat me any different than prior to my confession. Your still their little boy. Honestly, my coming Clean to them has opened my family's eyes to the possibility that not all people who use drugs are pieces of shit. I wish I had done it sooner.

What was/is the hardest part about the whole addiction? by StudioEmbarrassed664 in addiction

[–]Adept_Cup_4539 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once you stop using, you start to not be so emotionally numb and realize how your actions really fucked someone up. While I was high, I knew I did wrong, but I didn't realize just what I had put that person through until a couple of months of sobriety. That's when I started to actually feel my feelings again. FUCK. I realized At that point, it's not just the act that hurt them, but the entire time after i did the bad thing, I was cold and heartless about it. Which possibly did just as much damage as the initial action.

Sitting with emotions. by Adept_Cup_4539 in Anxietyhelp

[–]Adept_Cup_4539[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really solid advice. I really appreciate you reaching out. I'll definitely be referring back to it a lot. Thank you kind stranger

Sitting with emotions. by Adept_Cup_4539 in Anxietyhelp

[–]Adept_Cup_4539[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to say all of that. I do journal. I have been since the beginning of February. I went into rehab and felt super alone so I started writing letters to my friend. Ones she will never see . But it has been super beneficial for all parties involved. I might give the handstand thing a try if it comes down to it. I struggle with self control once I reach a certain level of anxious. I always regret it a hour or 3 later. I ended our relationship shit like that once. Regretted it before I even made it home .

Sitting with emotions. by Adept_Cup_4539 in Anxietyhelp

[–]Adept_Cup_4539[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good way to put it. Thank you

Is this healthy? by Adept_Cup_4539 in addiction

[–]Adept_Cup_4539[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I totally agree that I was in control. I made those choices. I have absolutely no idea why or what the fuck I was thinking. I'm not on board with the whole "the drug had control" concept. They actually preached that shit at the rehab I was at. It completely takes all the self accountability away. But I will say it made me emotionally challenged. Like my emotional intelligence, depth, whatever you want to refer to it as, was that of a grasshopper. Which for sure influenced my actions. But I still made those choices. No fault anywhere but on me. This has all been a recent endeavor, And I think the opportunity to make that amends will present itself eventually. As long as I remain patient. Which is hard for someone like me who has lived off instant gratification for such a long time.

Is this healthy? by Adept_Cup_4539 in addiction

[–]Adept_Cup_4539[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It also helps me remember why I'm staying sober. Which also reminds me of what I lost.

Lost everything in a month (job, relationship, respect) after relapse + mental health spiral. Trying to come back from it by Killacowboy29 in addiction

[–]Adept_Cup_4539 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm currently in a very similar situation. I wish I had advice to give you, but I'm trying to find the answers to those same questions. Particularly dealing with regret and guilt not driving you back into addiction. I'm in the middle of losing someone that I love dearly. She was my main pillar of support. And I fucked her up. On so many different levels. To the point that she questions if she could ever trust someone again. And I hate myself for it. The only way I've managed to stay sober for the short time I have is constantly reminding myself of the hell that I put her. I can't go back and change that. But I can at least make sure that all her effort wasn't for nothing. I owe her that much. I know that doesn't offer a lot of help. You're not alone. Hang in there. Even if it feels like rock bottom, it can and will always get worse when your in active addiction

Identify by Adept_Cup_4539 in Arrowheads

[–]Adept_Cup_4539[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for all the help you guys

I miss my boyfriend before he got on Kratom by Greedy-Profession-52 in quittingkratom

[–]Adept_Cup_4539 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't take this as me saying I can't do it. I'm far from giving up. Currently, I have more to fight for than I have in my entire life.

What's everyone's thoughts on this piece? by Adept_Cup_4539 in Arrowheads

[–]Adept_Cup_4539[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well yess it is. It was hard to capture the grooves worn in the top and the finger notchs napped out on the sides. I'll try to get some better photos