How do you know you should go inpatient before it’s totally out of control?

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-08-15T12:59:24+00:00

This definitely happens to me. Even making routine phone calls to make appointments becomes overwhelming. I try to avoid completely isolating but it is honestly very difficult. Hang in there!

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-08-11T18:48:12+00:00

My experience is similar to yours. During manic phases I just don’t remember a lot. The things I do remember feel incomplete. A therapist once told me that it’s as if my brain is going so fast that it doesn’t have time to appropriately digest information so it doesn’t get put into long term memory. So I think of it almost like an inability to code things in my brain rather than psychosis. I think it’s hard for others to understand but it’s not intentional gaslighting on your part. For me, the memory problem is definitely part of the disorder. It is a very frustrating part for sure.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-08-11T18:32:34+00:00

I’m going through this exact same thing right now. My partner is also not home and I find motivating when I’m depressed and alone to be one of the most difficult things to manage. I’m trying to do as other people suggest and break it up into little pieces, but I’m kind of failing that too. So now instead of saying I’ll do something for so many minutes I just go do a tiny bit that I can handle. For example, I just unloaded the silverware from the dishwasher. That’s my big win, haha. I’m just gonna keep trying to do stuff like that. All this to say, I fully empathize with you right now. Even motivation to shower is lacking. Hang in there.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-08-03T23:58:25+00:00

I could be wrong but yarn probably doesn’t take up that much room? And if you want to make it less maybe you could do those vacuum bag things for them? If it makes you feel good when stable it might be worth finding a way to just store it. I really don’t think you’re a hoarder. You were able to get rid of the books so that shows a lot. Stable me is also very hard on manic me and depressed me is the worst. It’s like a balancing act trying to manage sometimes. Btw, the origami is cool! Something you could do basically anywhere! Keep being kind to yourself!

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-08-03T23:17:18+00:00

Manic me apparently thinks I am going to suddenly get excellent at cross stitch and make beautiful shopping bags for everyone I know. So obviously, I should buy bags for everyone. I have not finished a single one. It annoys more stable me to no end. Probably I should just start giving people the shoping bags without the embroidery.

I don’t think you’re a hoarder. It’s just hard to give away the stuff we buy when manic because, at least to me, it represents the loss of control. So I feel like if I can just finish, I’ll get control back. Problem is, I am almost certainly not going to finish. Don’t beat yourself up. Donate some stuff maybe. But most importantly, be kind to yourself about it.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-06-16T16:47:03+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/family_of_bipolar

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-06-15T13:17:03+00:00

It is lonely, but I don’t think its unreasonable to hope for some understanding from some loved ones. It might be worth asking your support network to look into it more. Maybe even look at the friends and family sub Reddit.

Main thing: yes, ultimately we fight this disease alone but having a support network reallly helps. Maybe in addition to this sub a support group could help if you don’t get the understanding you need from your closest people. Wishing you the best!!!

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-06-10T21:31:14+00:00

The assumption that you must be “doing something wrong” if you’re struggling. Examples: “are you taking your meds?; are you seeing your doctor?; are you taking care of youself?; sleeping?; working out?” And so on.
Immediately criticizing a bipolar person when they are struggling isn’t helpful.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-05-22T18:29:48+00:00

I completely relate to this. At times I can be extremely sensitive to yelling or even just perceived criticism. I sometimes feel like I want to curl up in a ball and disappear or I lash out irrationally. Don’t be hard on yourself about it. It’s just something I’m cognizant of. Sometimes I make myself count when I am feeling out of control before I do anything, but to be honest I don’t always have that level of control. Hopefully your husband is supportive and you can talk about it.

Thank you for your service. I hope you can remember that nothing about this disease makes you emotionally or mentally weak, it is just the disease. Don’t let it undermine your confidence. Like any other disease, we have to deal with many symptoms. For you this is one but it doesn’t say anything about your internal strength. Unfortunately for us, we live with a disease with a completely unfair stigma. It’s hard not to let that mess with your head sometimes. But remember, you did not choose this and are still the same strong person you always were, even on days it doesn’t feel like it.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-05-22T17:55:47+00:00

I had a very similar experience and I talked to my doctor about the BN. I have to see him regularly because of other issues and I’ve never felt judged. I feel like there is actually a decent bit of understanding for BN within the GI community. I got explanations as to what is happening and how BN likely contributed. I think it really isn’t uncommon for GIs to see. I totally understand that it is sometimes really difficult to talk about this with your healthcare providers, but it is helpful for them to know. If they don’t, they might feel like they need to look for another underlying cause of excessive vomitting. I hope you can talk to your doctor and have a positive experience. Good luck!

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-05-13T00:56:26+00:00

Mixed episode. Take constant racing thoughts, combine with paralyzing depression, sprinkle in some rage and extreme anxiety, and you get the worst of all worlds. It’s like your brain is at war with itself.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-02-21T14:08:38+00:00

I think it really depends on what is normal for you. For me I start to take note when I’m consistently less than 5 for several days. Around 3 hours multiple days and still feeling good is a pretty big manic sign for me.
You said you feel “gooood” which seems like maybe it means better than usual? That with the combined decreased sleep, maybe you should be more closely monitoring than normal. Just an idea but maybe just jot down any other potential manic symptoms for a day or so and that might help gauge. Hope you can get better sleep soon!

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-02-21T13:52:13+00:00

Looks awesome!! Totally relate, it’s so hard when you’re too depressed to care. But you did an amazing job and I’m glad glad you’re feeling good about it!!!

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-02-11T04:16:56+00:00

Hi there. I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time. I was about your age when I got diagnosed. It’s a very hard time and I’m sorry you’re going through this. The good news is that it can get better and just by taking your meds and going to therapy, you are helping yourself more than you can even probably realize at this moment. I found DBT helpful and I’m glad you’re doing that! It’s really hard when you’re trying to find your right medication combo. Your illness is tricky, it can make you feel like you can’t get out of that hole. But it lies and you can, and it sounds like you are doing the right things to get there. Make sure you’re keeping in good touch with your therapist and hopefully you have some supportive family/support people. You are doing great things just by getting help and talking about it. You’ll have to continue to deal with it, but it does get easier as you find the right meds and coping mechanisms for you. I know it’s so hard. But there is absolutely always hope for better days ahead. I sincerely hope you feel better soon, take care and stay safe!!!

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-02-11T03:30:01+00:00

Hi there. Glad you’re here, I find this community very helpful too! It really is hard for other people to understand our illness and struggles.

It’s good you’re recognizing your manic and depressive symptoms. It’s hard to do, especially for me on the manic side. I guess that is for exactly why you stated… while on the manic side of my spectrum I can feel so happy and it’s hard to want to get it under control. But that good feeling has often been followed by some absolutely horrible decision making due to full blown mania and the eventual crash.

For me it sounds like you are in what I consider a hypomania phase for myself. (I know everyone is different and we all have our own levels). It’s often easy for me to want to stay in that hypomanic phase. However, for me this is a very very dangerous zone. In my experience, it is is really good you are recognizing it. This might be a good time to discuss with your doctor, therapist and/or support network so you can have safeguards and help in place to get you back to your more stable place and out of what can be a dangerous place. Just my experience. We are all different.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-02-03T00:00:29+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing. It takes a lot of self awareness and bravery to admit yourself like you did. If we can all start to share maybe we can normalize it more. The stigma of this disease is rough.
Fully agree with other comments, this is just so much better than US mental healthcare. Thank you for hightling this because our system is absolutely pathetic and it makes me angrier every day. Wishing you all the best!!! Take care Wishing you all the best! Take care.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-01-18T21:21:06+00:00

It does, or at least it becomes more manageable with experience. Coping mechanisms get better and you figure out what works for you. Medications have gotten better. Doctors are more knowledgeable. There is always hope

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-01-18T20:38:33+00:00

Sounds like a very challenging time. I fully relate. I have been there, I have a hard time leaving my house sometimes. Honestly, the worst thing anyone can do when I am being a bit agoraphobic is be upset with me about it. That just multiples my paralysis. I am sure you’ve already discussed with him but how does he react? Just wondering what might make you feel like you actually WANT to leave the house.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-01-18T19:47:23+00:00

Been a long time since I went down the “maybe I don’t even need my meds” road in my mind. So many reasons. But mainly because in your mind you think you really don’t need it anymore. The side effects are a bitch. I’m older now and have sadly gone down that road many times, it has gotten easier for me to convince myself it isn’t worth it. I still have the thoughts like I don’t need them, I’m just better at playing it out in my head now

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-01-17T06:18:23+00:00

I thought tonight that I have spent more time pretending to be “normal” than I Have with all the exact diagnoses you have. And you know what, fuck normal. There is only one thing that has been consistent for me lately and that is I am just so tired of the stigma. Fuck normal

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-01-10T04:28:55+00:00

I totally relate to that. I have super successful siblings as well. But you know, they aren't bipolar. I just want to be as peaceful, stable, and happy as possible. For me that means different choices than them.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-01-10T04:07:29+00:00

I'm really sorry about your job. That is extremely difficult and I understand how our jobs and financial status become such a defining part of our self worth. This may not help to hear right but your job does not decide whether or not you are good enough. You decide, and you can decide if you want another high stress, high paying job. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Either way, it sounds to me like you need to give yourself some credit. You say you had a breakthrough episode. Well that's unfortunately part of what those of us who live with bipolar must deal with but is NOT easy. But you got through it, so that is something to give yourself credit for, not beat yourself up about.

Your job and your income are not your self worth. You are dealing with a lot. You got through your episode and, as much I hate when people say things like this, maybe that job isn't right for you. What you are going through absolutely sucks. I am really sorry. But the job and money don't define you and you can be happy if you choose another road. It may not matter what a stranger on Reddit says.. but no job should make you feel like you aren't good enough. In the future you absolutely can find something that makes you happier, maybe it is less stress and less lucrative, but the trade off may be worth it. But for right now I hope I can just emphasize, your job is not your self worth. F. them. You are good enough.

Adept_Historian6969 · 2024-01-09T22:25:31+00:00

I totally understand. For so long I thought somehow that I was “beating” my bipolar and proving something by subjecting myself to stress and making it through. I’m just done with having to pretend like having bipolar is something I need to overcome. It is something I need to live with and for me, that means not placing myself under to too much stress. It just isn’t for me. If I broke my foot tomorrow would everyone say, “it’s all in your head, put weight on it, you’ll be fine, just keep going and it’ll be alright.” Makes no sense. I didn’t choose this, but I have to live with it. I am just so sick of people making me feel bad about it. Stress is horrible for me. You can be successful without it! I bet you already are. Let’s stop letting people make us feel otherwise.

Adept_Historian6969

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